A
Friend! Is he a good or bad friend?
Prepared by: M. Tahir
Farrath ([email protected])
http://groups.google.com/group/the-islamic-study-circle
(Adapted)
Bis-Mil
LAAHIR Rohmaanir Rohiim. Al-Hamdu lil-LAAHI Robbil
'Aalamiin, was Solaatu was Salaamu 'alaa Sayyidinaa Muhammad, wa
'alaa Aalihii wa Oshaabihii Ajema'iin.
In
the Name of ALLAAH, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful. All praise
belongs to ALLAAH - Lord of all the worlds, and Salutations and Peace be upon
our master Muhammad, and upon his family and all his companions.
Man,
by his nature, is a social creature, and being influenced by his surroundings,
he adopts the characteristics and mannerisms of his locality, developing them
into a culture that is unique to his environment. He then goes on to maintain
his social contact, whether for self-gain or other motives, with those having
common interests - be it business, sports, leisure, cultural, politics,
religion or simply with whom he feels comfortable, and so on. Islaam stresses
the importance of social relations and dealings, but has laid down instructions
on how to properly maintain such relationships throughout man’s frailties,
strengths and temperaments. As with any aspect of society - peace, goodwill and
stability depend on good ethical views, however, when it concerns a Muslim
society, all life becomes solely dependant on Islamic values, which are
uniquely its very own.
It
is a known fact that man was created good and innocent, but he soon favoured
following three distinct categories. The first chose to follow a path of
godliness and righteousness until these are apparent in his way of life,
whereas the second chose a low life until that became part of his character,
and the third chose to lead a hollow life - devoid of any goodness or lowliness
- or with evident goodness while yet ungodlly. As for the latter two, ALLAAHU
Subehaanahuu wa Ta’aalaa Says:
Wa
Qodimnaa ilaa maa ‘Amiluu min ‘Amalin fa-Ja’alnaahuu Habaa-an Manthuura(n)
"And
We will Proceed to what they have done of deeds, so We shall Render them to
scattered floating dust." [25.Al–Furqaan:23]
Their
actions though considered righteous and noble at times, are really valueless
and consequently of little benefit for any close interaction. But if one is
pleased to mingle with them and those following a way of life that is in
conflict with right Guidance, one can then expect to inherit their habits,
behaviour, morals and conduct or even religion. It will then not be unusual to
see a Muslim try to fit in or hide his Islaam simply to find acceptance in such
a group or society. Man is therefore motivated by his emotions, which are
further affected by those with whom he intimately associates for his successes
and failures in life. On the authority of Abuu Hurayroh, Rodiyal LAAHU ‘anh,
our Nabiy Muhammad, Sollal LAAHU ‘alayhi wa Sallam, said:
“Man
is on the religion of his friend, so let every one of you examine whom he
befriends.” (Abu Daawuud, Thirmithiy, Ahmad)
Therefore,
whenever one intends to take someone for a friend, consideration must be given
to whether there would be any benefit therein for the sake of ALLAAH and then
to determine if the person’s goodness would outweigh the harm that might be
lurking within him. However, to gain sure success is to be on right Guidance in
matters of piety and righteousness, which is helped along by keeping company
with good people instead, and avoiding bad company that has led many astray.
Related to this ‘Abedullaah Ibn Mas’uud, Rodiyal LAAHU ‘anh, wisely said:
“Nothing
reveals anything more about a man than the company which he keeps.”
Thus,
one should choose friends who are satisfied with Islaam as a religion and avoid
the friend who acts contrary or is displeased with it. Similarly, if a Muslim
is pleased with his own religion, one should gladly befriend him. There is no
good in a friend who does not wish good to others as he wishes for himself. On
the other hand, there is also no good in such a friend who wishes for one if
what he wishes for himself is leading him towards destruction. Casual friends
are many, but a “true” friend is rare, and keeping company with such a friend
leads to companionship and eventual Brotherhood.
However,
people have different levels of friendships. Should someone decide to develop
one’s friendship, then a Muslim is bound to honour the sanctity of
companionship, be truthful and an example to him, offer him respect and
protection, share in his happy and sad moments, assist with his difficulties
and overlook his mistakes - and then help him overcome them. Abuu
Hurayroh(R.A.) also reported that Rosuulul LAAH(S.A.W.S.) said:
Ahsin
Mujaawarotan Man Jaawaroka Takun Musliman, wa Ahsin Mudaahabatan man Saahabaka
Takun Mu_minan
“Make
good neighbourly connection with one who is your neighbour, you will then be a
Muslim; and keep good company with one who keeps company with you, you will
then be a Believer.” (Ibn Maajah, Tirmithiy)
He
who utters the Islamic declaration of Faith, and has accepted it, and is
satisfied with Islaam is a Muslim, and he who sincerely and truthfully carries
out all its requirements is a Mu_min. In order to be a Mu_min, a Muslim is
obliged to fulfil the rights of companionship to his fellow Muslim as clearly
defined by Rosuulul LAAH(S.A.W.S.) as follows:
Laa
Yahillu li-Muslimin An Yahjuro Akhaahu fawqo Thalaathatin, fa-man Hajaro fawqo
Thalaathin fa-maata Dakholan Naar(o)
"It
is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his brother (for) three (days). So,
whoever forsakes beyond three (days) and then dies shall enter the Fire."
(Abuu Daawuud, Ahmad)
The
worst companion is he who has total disregard for even his conscience, let
alone his religion, as he goes about exerting his bad influence on his friends,
and of whom very little good is said concerning his conduct and manners. He is
the one who just takes and hardly offers anything in return, withholding even
such matters as would ease your burden. He is the one who talks but never
“delivers the goods”, and is never found when you need some help. And though he
is never heard of again, he is the one who never lets you forget the small
favour done to you. He is the one who will hound you for the thing he loaned
you, and will even demand the return of a thing after it was given to you as a
gift.
He
is also the one who knows you on a need to need basis or will only know you
when he needs something from you, and the one who will smile and appear
friendly towards you, greet and shake your hand, but will not invite you and
will sooner or later “stab you in the back”. He is the one in whom you will
place your trust with which he will “sell-you-out” and will embezzle everything
from under your feet. He is unwilling and intolerable of your presence, pays
lip service and gossips in your absence, makes fun and criticises you in front
of others, forgets you and is unconcerned about your well-being, and not really
glad to see or be seen with you. He has an agenda and will never co-operate
with you. He is grumpy with you around, yet happy when he does business with
you or when things only go his way, but when he is wronged, his wrath against
you will be severe.
He
is the one who smiles when you suffer failure and will be there to bid as your
possessions end up at an auction. While a non-Muslim might give you a chance,
he will be the first to institute legal action when you’re in financial
difficulty. He will work against you but will snatch your ideas and claim their
successes as his own. As he shows his preferences, his friendship with you is
short lived the moment he discovers that you are not of his class, making you
feel like a stranger in his circle of friends. He will influence people against
you and they will perpetuate his wrongdoing. You will in fact be taking sides.
Do you know someone with these traits against his brother or sister-in-Islaam?
What about yourself, are there any blind spots? Note well, all such friendships
will end in hatred in the Hereafter, for ALLAAH Says:
Al-Akhillaa-u
Yawma-ithin Ba’duhum li-Ba’din ‘Aduwwun illal Muttaqiin(a)
“Close
friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous.”
(43.Az–Zukhruf: 67)
Therefore,
we should check our intentions and also examine our Eimaan. How can we expect
unity and brotherhood if all this fall on deaf ears and we continually treat
each other so badly? If we treat someone badly, the hope of setting matters
right becomes another difficult issue to handle. Ibn Kathiir, commenting on
this verse says that any friendship for other than the sake of ALLAAH is turned
into enmity. Then he relates a story on the authority of ‘Aliy Ibn Abii
Taalib(R.A.):
“Two
befriend each other for ALLAAH's sake; one of them dies and is given good news
that he will be granted al-Jannah. So he remembered his friend and he
supplicated for him, saying:
O
ALLAAH, my friend used to command me to obey Thee and to obey Thy Prophet and
used to command me to do good and to forbid me from doing evil. And he told me
that I would meet Thee. O ALLAAH, do not let him go astray after me, until Thou
Show him what Thou have just Shown me, until Thou are Satisfied with him, just
like Thou are Satisfied with me.
So
he is Told: Had you known what is (written) for your friend, you would have
laughed a lot and cried a little. Then his friend dies and their souls are
gathered, and both are asked to express their opinions about each other. So
each one of them says to his friend: You were the best brother, the best
companion and the best friend…But when one of two disbelieving friends dies,
and he is given tidings of Hellfire, he remembered his friend and he said:
O
ALLAAH, my friend used to order me to disobey Thee and disobey Thy Prophet, and
commanded me to do evil, and forbade me from doing good, and told me that I
would not meet Thee. O ALLAAH, do not Guide him after me, until Thou Show him
what Thou have just Shown me and until Thou are Dissatisfied with him just like
Thou are Dissatisfied with me. Then the other disbelieving friend dies, and
their souls are gathered, and both are asked to give their opinions about each
other. So each one says to his friend: You were the worst brother, the worst
companion and the worst friend”.
The
Holy Qur-aan indicates that whoever continues with such a corrupt friendship in
this world will say in the Hereafter:
Yaa
Waylataa Laytanii lam Atta-khith Fulaanan Kholiila(n). La-qode Adollanii ‘anith
Thikri ba’da ith Jaa-anii…
Oh,
woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. He led me away from the
remembrance after it had come to me...” [25.Al–Furqaan: 28]
Rosuulul
LAAH(S.A.W.S.) also provided the following differences between a good and an
evil companion:
Mathalul
Jaliisis Saalihi was Saw-i ka-Haamilil Miski wa Naafi-khi ilkiiri, fa-Haamilil
Miski, immaa An Yuhthiyaka, wa immaa An Tatabaa’a minhuu, wa immaa An Tajida
minhuu Riihan Toyyibatan, wa Naafi-khu ilkiiri, immaa An Yuhriqo Thiyaabaka, wa
immaa An Tajida minhuu Riihan Khobiithatan
“The
example of the good and the evil companion is like that of a bearer of musk and
a person (i.e. the blacksmith) blowing a pair of bellows. As for the musk
bearer, he either gives you some (musk), or you buy from him or you at least
get a pleasant smell from him. As for the bellows blower he either burns your
clothes or you get an unpleasant smell from him.” (Bukhaariy & Muslim)
Ibn
Hajar commented: “There is in this Hadiith a prohibition of keeping the company
of those who can harm one in religious and worldly matters; and an
encouragement for keeping the company of those who can benefit one in these
matters.”
In
his commentary of this Hadiith, Imaam an-Nawawiy said that the Prophet
(S.A.W.S.) compared a good companion to a seller of musk and spoke of the
virtue of having companions who are good, with noble manners, piety, knowledge
and good culture. Such are those who grant us from their virtue. And he forbade
us to sit with those who do evil, commit many sins and other bad deeds, as well
as with deviants, backbiters, and so forth”.
Rosuulul
LAAH(S.A.W.S.) further emphasised the importance of seeking the company of a
pious Muslim as narrated by Abuu Sa’iid(R.A.):
Laa
Tusaahib illaa Mu_minan wa laa Ya_kulu To’aamaka illaa Taqiyy(un)
“Don’t
keep company except with a Mu_min, and let him not partake of your food but
(with) piety”. (Abuu Daawud, Tirmithiy, Daarimiy)
And
showing respect to the friends of one’s parents is an aspect of companionship
to its very end. Abii Usayd Maalik bin Robii’ah as-Saa’idii (R.A.) reported: We
were sitting with Rosuulul LAAH(S.A.W.S.) when a man of Banii Salamah came to
him and asked, "O Messenger of ALLAAH, is there any obedience left to
parents that I can show to them after their death?'' He replied, "Yes, to
pray for them, to supplicate for their forgiveness, to fulfil their promises
after their death, to maintain the ties of kinship which cannot be maintained
except through them, wa Ikraamu Sodiiqihimaa (and honour their
friends).'' (Abuu Daawuud)
To
conclude, are there any “real” friends around? If not our parents, spouses and
some of our relations, then let’s at least seek protection against the
deceitful friend - the one with whom nothing is safe. And let us not forget to
seek protection against bad company as well as all other avenues that lead to
sorrow, misery and regret. Against such false, deceiving, cunning and conniving
friends, who uses and abuses, who sweeps everything from under your feet, and
who does not want to be bothered with your problems, Rosuulul LAAH(S.A.W.S.)
supplicated thus:
A’uuthu
bika min Kholiilin Maakirin, ‘Aynaahuu Taroyaanii, wa Qolbuhuu Yar’aanii, In
Ro-aa Hasanatan Dafanahaa, wa In Ro-aa Sayyi-atan Athaa’ahaa
“I
seek refuge in Thee (O ALLAAH) from a deceitful friend, his eyes stare at me
(with false love) yet his heart (is tearing me apart and) devouring me. If he
sees goodness - he buries it, and if he sees badness - he publicises it”.
With
people like this around, who needs enemies! As for a sincere, honest, trustworthy,
reliable, truthful and dependable friend, Rosuulul LAAH(S.A.W.S.) made the
following supplication:
ALLAAHUMMAR-Zuqenii
Hubbaka wa Hubba man Yanfa’unii Hubbahuu ‘Indak(a)
“O
ALLAAH, Sustain me with Thy Love and whoever’s love (that) profits me (in
attaining through) his love (nearness) with Thee”.
Wal
Hamdu lil-LAAHI Robbil ‘Aalamiin.
http://www.geocities.com/mtahirfarrath