MinkE
Sasha
the ferret sped down the hall. Her shoulder length violet hair fell over
her
right emerald eye.
Sasha:
DAMMIT!!! Stupid locker!!! Whyd you hafta get stuck??
She
grabs the corner of a door and swings into a classroom as the bell
rings.
She wobbles over to her chair and drops her backpack with a loud FWUMP.
She
flops into her chair, and puts down her head, suddenly a very queer looking
dog
hits her on the back.
Flame:
Hey! Wussup??
Sasha(covering
her head) go away.
Flame:
Ohhhh, is the little purple-haired apathetic bitch in a bad mood??
Flame
laughs a bit, and Sasha glares. The next few moments are filled
with
male cries of pain. Sasha puts her head back down on the desk, a janitor
scurries
in and mops up Flame. A smelly middle aged squirrel who looks like a
washed
up 70s porn star walks in and sits down at the teachers desk.
Smelly
Squirrel man: Hello class, today in Earthical Science were going to
do
something boring and pointless, so take good notes.
A small
cat at the end of a desk coughs.
Smelly
Squirrel man: Out in the hall!!!!
Small
cat girl(all scared like): but Mr. Hephner.....
Mr.
Hephner: NOW!!
She
screams and runs out, Sasha chuckles and pulls out her science
note
book. She begins to draw many little characters from anime in it. Down
the
hall in a very bright classroom sits a 16 year old white mink. Her long
dark
purple hair falls to her waist, she seems to be falling asleep.
Teacher:
HARLEY!!
The
young mink looks up her violet eyes trying to focus.
Harley:
Huh??
Teacher:
Were sorting our grades, PAY ATTENTION!!!!
Harley:
Sort this, deliver that, ill make them pay...
Teacher:
What was that??
Harley:
Nothing!
She
sits up and crosses her legs on her chair. She opens her Sailor Moon
Backpack
and pulls out her brush and some hair ties. Fifteen minutes later her
hair is
done up into odongos, like Usagi's, but the extra hair is in braids.
Harley
looks at the clock.
Harley:
Goddammit!! That didnt waste nearly enough time!! Teacher!!!
Teacher:
What is it??
Harley:
I dun feel good, may I go to the clinic?
Teacher:
I think your fine, you dont need to go to the clinic
Harley
passes out. Five minutes later she iz sitting on one of those
nice
little cots in the clinic.
Harley:
That always works.
The
door opens and Sasha walks in.
Harley:
Nihao, what're you doin here?
Sasha:
Um, the stench of the science room was making me nauseous, Mr. Hephner
let me
leave.
Harley:
He never lets you leave.
Sasha:
Meh, he wont notice.
Harley
nods. The two get bored with the clinic and decide that they
wont be
missed so they go looking for adventure, or chocolate, whichever they
should
find first. They pass a very loud choir room. They stop and look in.
A gray
mink with brown hair and a two tone brown tail sits looking all bored.
Her
large blue eyes glare at the teacher. Harley and Sasha bang some lockers,
she
looks up and waves.
Teacher:
Kathryn!!!
The
gray mink winces.
Teacher:
If your not going to pay attention go out in the hall!
Kathryn:
Aww...dammit!
She
goes out into the hall.
Kathryn:
Good job you guys!
Harley:
Well it wasnt like you were learning anything!
Sasha:
Yeah!
Kathryn:
Grr....anyways...what are you doing?
Harley:
Looking for chocolate, got any?
Kathryn:
Sorry, no.
Sasha:
Hm...well, lets keep looking.
The
inside of a sleepy math room is shown, a teacher writes bunches
of
problems on the board, while students sit in a comatose state. One student,
a tan
male weasel with a cap, various chains, and a No Salvation tee-shirt
looks
particularly bored. He yawn and looks out the door to spot Harley, Sasha,
and
Kathryn waving at him. He kinda smiles and glances at the teacher. Harley
puts
her hands n her hips and glares at him. Kathryn picks up Harley and Sasha
pulls
out a small Mr. Hephner doll in a noose, they all wave. The weasel bursts
out
laughing...three minutes later he is walking down the hall with them.
Harley:
Damn Trent, your teachers a bitch!
Kathryn:
Hell yeah! Stupid whore, why'de she spaz at us like that?
Trent:
Cause you made me laugh, and it disrupted the class.
Sasha:
What kinda crappy reason is that???
Trent
kinda shakes his head. The four go off in search of sustenance.
After a
quick visit to the cafeteria, and finding it void of lunch ladies they
load up
on brownies, cookies, and chicken nuggets, leaving a few posies in
exchange.
They continue on their trek.
Harley(munching
on a nugget): School sucks, lets go somewhere else.
Sasha(also
eating a nugget): Yah, but schools almost out, i suggest we wait
till
its done, then leave.
Harley(swallowing
aforementioned nugget): Your no fun.
Sasha:
Hey, I cant fail classes, my dadll send me to a private school!!
Harley:
Feh.
Kathryn(nibbling
a cookie): So, what shall we do?
Trent(swallowing
a brownie): Lets go get me a smoke!
Harley,
Sasha, and Kathryn stop and glare at him. He quiets down and
starts
eating a nugget.
Sasha:
I say we continue to roam the school, and see if we can find people in
classes.
The
decision is unanimous, except for Trent, who wants to get a smoke,
but
they make him come anyways. They wander down to comtec and stumble across
a male
mink with brown hair, and a movie theater-like outfit chopping up
Abercrombie
stuff
with a paper cutter. Kathryn sneaks up behind him, and kicks him in the
back of
the leg.
Kathryn:
Ha-ha! Max, pay attention!
Max(hopping
around): Oh son of a bitch!
Sasha
smacks him.
Sasha:
Dont be a pansy. Come on, we're looking for people to distract.
Max:
Ooooh, fun!
Harley:
Uh-huh, lets go.
The
little group find themselves outside on a large track, lots of
unhappy
teenage furs are running around it while some gym teachers yell shit
at
them. A sleek rabink jogs by, singing to herself. Her long floppy rabbit
ears
are plugged with some headphones, and her thick two tone mink tail flows
behind
her. She seems very preoccupied, and doesnt notice the small group
waving
and yelling at her.
Harley:
Dammit! Is she deaf?
Kathryn(yelling
at the rabink): Take your fucking earphones off!!
Max:
Yeah, Goddammit!!!!
Trent
and Sasha glance at each other. Trent runs out in front of her, and kneels
down.
She runs strait into him and flys over his back, and lands sprawled in a
small
pile on the ground. The group gathers around her, she lets out a groan and
sits
up. She pulls off the red bandanna she was wearing, and shook her brown
streaky
hair.
Sasha:
Gee Chastity, mebbe you should pay attention to where your going.
Chastity(dizzily):
Fuck you!
Trent:
Ha ha, stupid vegetarian.
Chastity
flips over gracefully an turns to Trent.
Chastity(all
pissed off): Oh, fine! Pick on me because of my beliefs! That is
so like
society today! Everyones gotta be the same! No individuality, no
originals...
As
Chastity begins her little speil on the problems with society the
rest of
the group gives her weird looks.
Trent:
Damn, we outta get her on some drugs, that should calm her down.
Kathryn:
Peh, she acts like shes on drugs already.
Harley:
The hell with drugs!! We just need to shoot her in the leg, thatll
slow
her down.
Sasha(shaking
her head): Naw, then she'de just be all loud.
Harley:
We can shoot her in the arm then.
Sasha:
Nope, then she'de be loud, and she'de be hopping around.
Harley:
Well fine! we can shoot her in the head!
Sasha:
Naw, then she'de just make a mess.
Harley:
Yeah, your right.
Sasha:
Dammit Chastity! Cant you be less of a problem??
Chastity
looks up from her speech on society.
Chastity:
Huh??
Kathryn:
Auugh, nevermind, may we go inside?
Max:
Yeah, is all hot out here. And I wanna by a coke at the school store.
Chastity:
The school store is closed.
Max:
Well I wont have to pay then, will I?
Trent:
Hell yeah, and we can get me some smokes on the way!
Harley,
Sasha, Kathryn, Chastity: NO!!!!
Trent:
FINE!
The now
group of six heads towards the cafeteria, Trent grumbling all
the
way. When they arrive at the cafeteria the lunch ladies have returned and
are
glaring at the posies and cursing. They decide to continue wandering the
school
instead. Max decides to go to his TV productions class, Trent sneaks
off for
a smoke. Chastity engages some freshmen in a one-way discussion about
religion.
The remaining three wander around for awhile. Finally the bell rings.
They
head outside.
Harley:
Damn that sucked!! Next time i'm just going home.
Kathryn:
I hate school.
A
preppy rabbit walks up and smiles at them.
Rabbit:
Dont worry, tomorrow's another day!!
Sasha(all
surprised): Really?? I heard the bell ring, and saw all the stores
close,
and I though that was it!!! You mean there's more???
The
rabbit kind of gives her a weird look and walks off mumbling. Max
walks
up with Chastity.
Max:
Buenos ding dong diddly dias senorities!
Chastity:
Hi!
Sasha:
Konnichiwa.
Harley:
Nihao
Kathryn:
Hey hey.
Next
Scenes are written by Max
Trent:
Someone laced my smokes.
Sasha:
You fucking retard. Let's go to Otto's.
Chastity:
I thought they closed.
Kathryn:
Damn, you really are stupid, aren't you?
Chastity:
Shut up.
Katryn:
No.
After a
brief spat, and the realization that Trent sort of
materialized
out of nowhere, they head across the street and into Otto's.
Sasha:
Max, buy food.
Max:
how come i am always the one buying food?
Harley:
cause you have money. Feed us!
Small
chipmunk: Hi fellas!
Max(pulling
a shotgun out of nowhere): *BANG!* that'll teach ya to sneak up
on an
usher.
Bippo:
you shot my arm off!
Max:
It's still partially on. Get to the hospital fast, and you can save your
arm.
Bippo:
Gee! Thanks!
Max:
Don't mention it. Now leave.
Bippo
leaves.
Harley:
dammit Max, dont shoot Bippo. I'll put you in the scorpion deathlock.
Kathryn
laughs as Max is turned into a pretzel.
Max:
yep, happy hold definitely sounds better *crack*.
Trent:
Crack, where?
Harley:
Goddam it trent!
Trent:
damn, where?
Chastity:
Boy, you really are stupid, aren't you?
Kathryn:
take my lines will you? DIE YATCHO!!!!
A brief
spat ensues, and finishes, and everyone realises that Trent
has
dissappeared into thin air.
Sasha:
Why the hell does Trent appear and dissappear like that?
Max:
dunno. *smiling sadistically* hey, lets visit Bippo at the hospital.
Harley:
why am i suspiscious of that?
Kathryn:
i dont know. lets go.
Sasha:
i get his wallet.
The
group walks off in the direction of Cottage.
Max:
Well, here we are at Cottage hospital, going to visit Bippo.
Sasha:
Yea, we all know that, why the hell did you say that?
Max:
You know, I have no idea.
Kathryn:
hopeless...
Max:
I'm not hopeless!
Trent
appears out of nowhere. Max grabs trent by the shirt.
Max:
This is hopeless!
Trent:
let me go, or I'll bite your arm.
Max:
GAH! *max drops trent*
Trent:
That's better *fizzle*
Sasha:
Next time don't let him go!
Max: he
was gonna put his mouth on my arm.
Sasha:
So?
Max:
you know what goes into that mouth?
Sasha:
good point.
Harley:
are we gonna go see Bippo or what?
Chastity:
Nah, let's go camping.
All:
WHAT?
Chastity:
let's go camping!
Harley:
what the hell?....
Kathryn:
you sure you're not on drugs?
Chastity:
ummmmm.... yes?
Trent:
DRUGS?
ALL
*SMACK!*
Trent:
owwie...
Trent:
camping.... backpacks.... macaroni..... mrs. grass..... rice.....
trees.....
*thump*
Chastity:
well, Trent wants to go camping.
Sasha:
no, i think it was incoherent babble before he passed out.
Kathryn:
Oh well, let's go camping.
Sasha:
*in british voice* All right.
Max:
let's bring bippo, if we're attacked by ninjas, we can use him as a decoy
to get
away.
Harley:
SCORP-- ahhh... HAPPY HOLD!!!!
Max:
*snap, crackle, pop* owwiee....
Bippo:
where we going and how?
Max:
we're going to Canada.
Trent:
CANADIAN!
Max: no
trent, Canada.
Trent:
*fizzle*
SHponk:
I AM THE ALMIGHTY SHPONK! COWER BEFORE MY AWESOME PRESENCE!!
ALL:
huh?
SHPONK:
I AM SHPONK!
Harley:
shponk.... ha ha!
SHPONK:
FEAR ME, WORSHIP ME!
Sasha:
no!... you're stupid. now go away.
Kathryn
shponks SHPONK on the back of the head with a metal figurine. *SHPONK*
Chastity:
Well, off to Canada.
In
Canada....
Max:
well, here we are in Canada, about to go camping, in the Canadian Maple
Forest.
we're ready to head out to these dark and bewildering woodlands....
Sasha:
What the HELL are YOU doing!??!
Max: I
can't help it, it just... happens.
Harley:
do it again, and it's the happy hold for you.
Max: oh
fuck.
Trent:
We going campin or what?
Sasha:
yes, and we're using you for a tent!
Trent:
cool...
Kathryn:
oh God....
Chastity:
Hey, all these packets of food have meat in them.
Max:
you can pick berries and weeds.
Trent:
weed? where?
Chastity:
no trent not weed. weeds, you know the stuff i eat instead of meat all
the
time?
Trent:
stupid vegetarian!
Chastity:
Oh yeah! go ahead, mock my beliefs! vegetables, blah blah, meat bad,
blah
blah, dont eat meat, blah blah...
Max:
shall we go?
Sasha:
let's.
Chastity:
*pulls out megaphone* ARE YOU LISTENING?
Kathryn:
no.
Chastity:
dammit
Trent:
stupid vegetarian!
Chastity:*goes
into speech again*
ALL:
SHUTUP!
Chastity:
EEK!
THE
FATTEST GIRL IN THE WORLD: *flubber, bluble, squish*
Kathryn:
How she make it to Canada?
Sasha:
GO HOME AND BE GHETTO YOU STUPID WHORE!
TFGITW:
IM NOT DOWN WITH YOUR LANGUAGE YOU BITCH ASS STUPID PERSON!
Sasha:
you die....
SASHA
PULLS OUT MALLET, BUT HER WHOMPS HAVE NO EFFECT.
TFGITW:
MY OUTER COAT OF GELATINOUS CELLULITE SHIELD ME FROM ANY ATTACK, G.
MAX:
DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *whips out gun, sprays a round in the human blob's
direction,
but the bullets simply bounce off*
TFGITW:
HA HA HA HA .....urrrp..... G.
Harley:
REALLY NASTY GUITAR STRING ATTACK! *strings simply fall limp off of the
walking
pile of hamburgers.
KATHRYN:
do i have to do everything myself? HEY! THERE'S A SALE AT SOMERSET, AND
LEO'S SIGNING
BOOKS!
TFGITW:
ooh! *blubber, spludge, flub...*
Chastity:
you go girl, us sister's gotta stick together!
Kathryn:*throws
raw hamburger at Chastity, knocking her down*
Chastity:
owwiee...
Trent:
Are we there yet?
Max: As
a matter of fact, we are. How 'bout that.
Sasha:
I'm tired....
Chastity:
It's only 3 pm!
Sasha:
If we don't set up camp, right here, right now,
I will
rip out your spine and hand it to you.
Chastity:
Hey everybody, let's camp here!
All:
*smack!*
They
all set up there tents. Sasha goes off to sleep, but everyone else just
sits
outside, poking each other with sticks...
Trent:
OWWIEE! How come everyone is poking me!?!?
Harley:
BECAUSE!
Trent:
oh yeah? *fizzle*
Harley:
DAMMIT!
Max:
What time is it?
Sasha
from her tent: YOU WOULD FORGET TO BRING A WATCH!
Max: Oh
sure! LIKE YOU DID ANY BETTER!
Sasha:
Shut up.
Chastity:*looking
down at her official vegans watch* it's half past celery.
Kathryn:
WHAT!?!?!?!
Chastity:
So i don't know how to tell time! so what?
Harley:
She's got a point there....
Max:
Half past celery! boy the time flies! well, time fer bed!
Trent:*fizzle*
oh boy! no more stick poking!
Harley:
Yes, but we filled your tent with porcupine quills while you were away.
Trent:
dammit.
Bocko:
I AM BOCKO! SON OF SHPONK! I SHALL AVENGE MY FATHER'S SHPONKING!
Max: Do
you know how incredibly stupid that sounds?
Harley:
Well, we can shponk you, but we sure as hell can't "bocko" you....
Bocko:
Do you Give in?
Trent:
HEEEELLLLL NO!
Bocko:
WHY NOT?!?!
Trent:
Because, DAMMIT!
Bocko:
GYAAAHHHH!!! *head explodes*
Sasha:
TRENT!
Trent:
What?
Sasha:
how'd you do that so fast?
Trent:
do what?
Sasha:
nevermind.
Everyone
is sleeping...I swear!
*Bear
growls*
Bippo:
anyone hear that?
Sasha:
BIppo!??!? when did you get here?
Bippo:
What?
*growl*
Sasha:
meh? A BEAR!
*growl*
Sasha:
that's a rather pathetic growl.
*growl?*
Sasha:
DAMN BEARS! CAN'T HARDLY WALK
IN THE
WOODS WITHOUT RUNNING INTO A BEAR! ITS LIKE THEY OWN THE DAMN PLACE!
*GROWL!*
Sasha:
oh shut up you pathetic excuse for north america's most feared animal!
*bear,
frightened, runs away*
Sasha:
That'll teach ya, STUPID BEAR, THIS FOREST AINT FER BEAR STUFF YA KNOW!
Max:
Well..... then...... ummm.....
Harley:
*enthusiastically* HAPPY HOLD!
Max:
*crhchack* Hey, why'd you do that?
Harley:
I dunno.
Chastity:
I'ts almost carrot.
Trent:
*KA FWACK!*
Chastity:
*rolling down a hill* OWIEeIeIeIeIEeIEeIeeiieEEEiiieeeeee......
Kathryn:
ooh, lookit the mountain lions! They're so PREEETY!
Harley:
and they're attacking Chastity.
Max: We
told her that if you dont eat it, it'll eat you....
Harley:
Hey, whatta ya know, she is eating it!
Trent:
DAMN, WOMAN!
CHastity:
*chastity walk back up the hill, blood dripping from her mouth*
You
know, i don't much like the taste of that
Max:
could it have anything to do with the fact that it was... RAW MOUNTAIN LION
MEAT?
Chastity:
uhhhhh..... I don't know, but I think i'm going to be stubborn and
never
have
any meat again!
Trent:
*KA FWA-- fizzle*
CHastity:
ha ha!
Trent:
*fizzle-- CK!*
Chastity:
Owwie....
Next
Scenes are written by Sasha
After a
very long speach on Chastity's part on how she would never eat meat
again,
and Max attempting to fix Trent so he wouldn't just fizzle in and out all
the
time the group decides to bid a fond farewell to the untamed wilderness of
the
Canadien North.
Sasha
& Harley: Bye bye Canadia!!
Trent:
FUCK YOU CANADA!!!
Max,
Sasha, and Harley give Trent a stern repremanding, with a live badger, and
the
little group darts back over the border, stopping briefly to taunt some
mounties
and steal their hats.
Harley:
So very thirsty......require....Yoo-Hoo.....and V8Splash...
Max
offers her some Dill Pickel Chips and Creme soda. He gets slapped upside the
head,
Sasha takes the soda. Harley goes back to her desperation.
Harley:
Thiiiiirrssstyy....things fading......illusions coming....i can see the
light...I
can see......Stoney?
They
all look up to catch sight of a black furred mink with long ponytailed pink
hair,
and a pink tail. She seems to be attempting to thumb a ride. Very very
unsucsesfully.
Stoney:
well this isn't working at all.
Kathryn(poking
her on the shoulder): to hitch a ride, often a road is required.
Stoney:
Geh......shut up.
Harley
collapses next to Stoney who gives her an odd look.
Harley:
Must...have Yoo-hoo....
Stoney(shrugging):
Surry, don't have any on me.
Harley(standing):
Gyahdammit.
Stoney(pointing
to her left someways):I passed a diner back there. They'll have
foodstuffs.
The
girls all turn and head in that direction, Trent follows, and Max drags
Bippo
along in the rear. They get to the diner and all stand staring blankly at
the
front door.
Sasha:
Mmm....foood....
Kathryn:
I hope they have potato soup.
Harley:
I want chocolate!!
Chastity:
I really need a salad to kill the mountain lion aftertaste.
Sasha:
I think you've killed enough today.
Chastity
grimaces, and Stoney looks confused. Kathryn just sorta shruggs.
Max:
Just HOW do you intend to pay for the food?
Stoney(smiling):
I'll pay.
The
girls all walk in. Trent follows. Max nodds.
Max:
That was right decent of her.
Trent:
I wouldn't be so sure, she has your wallet.
Max:
WHAT?
Max
drops Bippo and runs in after the girls with Trent following behind. By the
time
they catch up the girls are at a table and ordering. Max and Trent order
too,
Bippo whines about being lost, so they let him wander away. After the
waitress
leaves Max pokes Stoney in the arm.
Stoney:
Yes? May i help you?
Max:
Wallet.
Stoney:
Oh, dreadfully sorry. *she hands it back*
Max:
Thank you...THERE'S NO MONEY IN HERE!!!
Stoney
shrugs. Max reaches across the table to hit her, Harley grabbs him by the
shirt
and glares at him.
Harley:
Just try it and you are SO in the Happy Hold.
Max:
eep.
Max
sits back down. They wait for their meals. After an hour they begin to look
quite
forlorn.
Sasha:
So....hungrey.....
Kathryn:
Agggh...
Chastity:
WHERE'S OUR FOOD???
As they
all sit starving their furry asses off a tall blond, well built mouse
wlks
over and leans on the edge of the table next to Sasha.
Mouse:
Hey baybee, my name is Luke. You look kind of hungrey. *he pauses to flex
a bit*
So I decided to walk over and see if there was anything i could d-
Luke is
cut off as Sasha grabs a fork and plunges it into his arm, then yanks
the
forarm to her with it, and shoves it in her mouth. Luke begins to scream,
the
others look up indiferently. Luke rips his arm out of her mouth and runs off
screaming
stuff. Sasha licks the blood off her fork and pouts.
Sasha:
Damn.
Kathryn:
So hungrey....
Chastity:
Wasting away...
Harley:
Wasted away in Margaritaville...*everyone stares* oh, eh, was that out
loud?
Max:
I'm gunna start detonating popcornballs unless we get fed.
Trent:
What the hell?
Max:
You heard me.
Sasha
nodds.
Sasha:
He will man. He's crazy man. I'm tellin' ya. MAN!
Trent:
uh...ok.
Max
gets fed up and jumps on the table, thusly knocking over Chastity's water,
but not
Sasha's cuz she had already drunk all her's n' was in the midst of
finishing
off Trent's, but anyways... He reaches into his black vest and whips
out
what appears to be a popcornball.
Harley:
He's been witholding food from us!!
Kathryn:
KILL HIM!!
Sasha:
You DON'T wanna eat that, beleeiiiive me.
Max who
has been yelling at a waitress, trying to get their food gets annoyed at
the
lack of immediet service.
Max:
Fine!! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL DINER PEOPLE!!
Sasha:
striking fear into the hearts of millions of small resteraunt
employies....
Max:
Shut up.
Max
throws the popcornball across the diner. Upon contact with a booth it
exploads
into firey death, leaving a small crater, and a few bodies. The
waitress
stered blankly then runs into the kithen shouting stuff. A few minutes
later
our small group's table is covered in food.
Sasha:
now children, what do we say?
Everyone:
Thank you Max!
Stoney:
Yea, and here's your pocket knife back. *hands it to him*
Max:
Beh? HEY!
Stoney
shruggs. Max forgoes yelling at her and diggs in. They feast upon
hotdogs,
and pizza, and buiscuits...wich Sasha was hording for herself, and
roast
beef, and soups, french onion, creme of chicken, chicken and stars, and
lots of
potatoes soup for Kathryn. They feast on carrots and fondu, and lots and
lots of
ribs. Harley guzzles a few gallons of Yoo-hoo, and V8 Splash. Chastity
demands
vegitarien junk, and gets some preemo salad. Max and Sasha fight over
bacon,
and Max makes away with a loaf of french bread. Stoney manages to finish
off
some fruit pies by herself, and Trent just scarfs down any meat product
within
his reach. After a few hours of gorging the group leaves very full and
very
sleepy, with a very un-paid bill.
************
The
little group wanders for a while, looking for somewhere to sleep, but since
Sasha's
leading and she has no sense of direction, it is soon dark, and they're
passing
the diner for the fourth time. Harley gets annoyed and decides to lead,
Sasha
doesn't object. Harley leads them into a small town, past a park, stopping
a few
hot dog vendors. Their trek is brought to a stop when Kathryn runs into
someone
and falls over.
Kathryn:
OW, dammit...
She
gets back up rubbing her nose, and turns to the person she ran into. She is
about
to do immense damage to their person when she notices who it is.
Kathryn:
Duke?
The
tallish gray furred male mink blinks down at her with yellow eyes. Harley
runs
over and grabs a handful of his brown hair and drags him screaming to
Sasha.
Harley:
Look! It's Duke! Now you two can get married!!
Duke
and Sasha kinda look at each other, then back at Harley.
Sasha:
Beh?
Duke:
What ARE you talking about?
Harley(bouncing):
You know! You two are gonna get married! It's perfect!!
Sasha:
And who decided this?
Harley:
Well, I did.
Duke:
When?
Harley:
A while back. 'For you two met.
Sasha:
I'm not marrying him.
Harley:
Gyahdammit! Why not??
Sasha:
He's gay. That's why.
Duke: I
AM NOT GAY!
Sasha:
I'll not live in a false marriage.
Harley(nodding):
Of course, you're right.
Duke:
I'M NOT GAY!!
Kathryn(patting
him on the shoulder): Of course your not dear.
Duke
fumes a bit, annoyed that he's the most masculine of the guys, and yet the
first
to be labeled gay. Trent bums some smokes off sum guy, Max throws pebbles
at cars
speeding by. Suddenly a dark pink rose flies outta nowhere and embeds
itself
in the ground in front of Sasha. She blinks and looks up to see Stoney
standing
on a high branch in a nearby tree, silhouetted in the moonlight.
Stoney(pointing
dramatically at Sasha): HAVE NO FEAR! Born under the star of
Venus,
the goddess of love, I, Stoney, shall help you in your quest for a
soulmate!!
Stoney
jumps down and lands in front of Sasha.
Stoney(bowing):
I shall not rest until I have found that one for you to share
your
heart with, I shall not sleep until-
Sasha:
I really don't want a boyfriend.
Stoney:
Oh. Nevermind then.
Stoney
picks up the rose and tucks it away. They continue on with a newly found
Duke.
After another block they all get sleepy and decide to take a bus to a
hotel.
They use the money from a wallet Stoney borrowed, and buy some tickets.
After
getting on Harley and Kathryn fall asleep, Sasha whips out a notepad and
draws,
Stoney tries to sell some roses, and the guys amuse themselves however
males
do such things. The peaceful silence is suddenly broken.
Max: ON
THE ROOFTOP SHOUT IT OUT!!
Sasha(looking
up): Bah bah bah bah ba bahm....ready to goooooo.....
The two
break out into loud uncoordinated song. They get lots of annoyed glares.
Harley
and Kathryn don't wake up.
Duke:
WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP??!!!
They
quiet down. The silence lasts a few minutes. suddenly Max jumps up onto his
seat.
Max:
AND THEY WERE SINGIN' BYE BYE MISS AMERICAIN PIE, TOOK MAH CHEVY TO THE
LEVY
BUT THE LEVY WAS DRY, THEM GOOD OLD BOYS WERE DRINKIN' WHISKY AND RYE-TAKE
IT
SASHA!!!
Sasha(kneeling
on the seat): SAYIN' THIS'LL BE THE DAY THAT I DIE! YES THIS'LL
BE THE
DAY THAT I DIE!!
The two
of them continue singing loudly, despite Duke's efforts to shut them up.
They
finally reach their stop, they get off, the bus cheers. Max unnoticed slips
a
popcorn ball onto the bus before it drives off. A few seconds later there s a
loud
bang, and metal scrap rains down. The group continues on to a nice looking
hotel.
They sign in under the name of Stipilkington, and pay with one of the
credit
cards in Stoney's borrowed wallet. They retire to 3 rooms, the boys in
one,
the girls in the other, and one in between, per request of Sasha. They
empty
their little fridges, then sneak into other rooms and empty theirs. The
next
morning the group reconvenes in the lobby at 1:30... right after breakfast.
It is
soon noticed that Harley and Sasha are missing. The group goes out in
search
of them.
Max: TO
THE MINKEMOBILE!!
Kathryn:
We don't have a minkEmobile.
Max:
Oh...right.
They
proceed on foot. They find them in the park. They're both wearing tuxes.
Harley's
hair is pulled into a ponytail. There is a strange lack of curves on
both of
them. In fact they both look a hell of a lot like boys. Sasha is talking
to some
swooning teal haired lemur chick in a dress leaning on a lamppost.
Harley
is sitting next to a giggling rabbit girl on a bench.
Teal
haired girl(leaning against Sasha):So Seth, will you come and watch the
sunset
with me tonight?
Sasha(all
suave like): Why of course, but I'm not sure there'd be much point.
Your
beauty drowns out any act of nature.
She
giggles. The girl on the bench sighs and bats her eyes.
Girl:
Oh, Charley... tell me more.
Harley(holding
the girl's hand): We'll walk along the beach, and I'll peel you
grapes,
and you feed me apples. Our days will be spent in each other's warm
embrace,
under the smiling sun.
The
girl swoons. The girls hand Sasha and Harley they're phone numbers and run
off
giggling. Sasha and Harley are suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled back
to the
group.
Duke:
Just what in the HELL are you two doing?
Sasha:
Dude, your just jealous.
Harley:
Yea, cuz we got all the girls.
They
nod. Max steps forward and sorta gives them odd looks.
Max:
You seem to be missing something in the chest department.
Kathryn:
What happened?
Harley:
It's tape.
Sasha:
Lots of tape.
Harley:
Yea, to hell with bras.
Max
looks up from the Victoria's Secret he's reading. He holds up the magazine
and
points at one of the more fancy bras.
Max:
What about this one?
Max
gets put in the Happy Hold.
.
. .
.
. .
.
. .
.
. .
><> ><> ><>
fishies..... oh... right... ah yes, the minkE fic,
the
slow in coming update is finally here, and is now in my ultra-capable hands.
You can
now rest in the fine downy soft comfort that it might get updated more,
and
will also have the little intro page, whose whatever those words are called,
will
probably change from time to time. unless i get bored, or decide to
excersize
a power trip and withold stuff from my public. but i love my public,
(thats
fun to say, maybe i'll be famous and get to say that a lot) so i probably
won't
withold stuff, unless i go insane. well, lets make it like this. every time
the intro page with words on it changes, the
fic has been updated. there, very
clever
of me. cause im a clever person.
Max:
owwie, geez i was just wondering!
Sasha:
WELL STOP WONDERING BRA BOY!
Trent:
heheh, wondering bra...
Trent
is put into the happy hold, and kicked into a nearby stream.
Trent:
GAH DAMN! WHYD YOU DO THAT?
Harley:
seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kathryn:
That's what Hitler said.
thio:
OI!
sasha:
GAH!
thio:
oi, oi oi oi, oi oi, oi oi. oi.
Sasha
smacks thio very hard.
sasha:
come on, put up your dukes, i'll knock the teeth outta ya varmint!
Harley:
calm down. talking like an old man wont get you any where.
Thio:
owwwwwwwww..... that hurt....
everyone,
realising that there hasn't really been any inrtoduction to characters,
(well
i've been thinking that anyway, but i'm the narrator, i'm not here to think,
just
inform, but as long as i'm informing, i thought i might as wel-- there goes
that thinking
again. ah well, i guess i'll just try to include more introductions
or
something to that extent and now back to the story) decided to make sure that
there was one.
Chastity:
ANYONE WHO IS WITHIN 23 FEET OF US, PLEASE DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.
A
random person with a I heart freshman shirt jumps out of the trees.
max:
I.... heart.... freshman.... *to kathryn* i think it's mister slone one of the
many
geography
teachers at grosse pointe south high school, in grosse pointe michigan,
located
at the corner of grosse pointe boulevard and fisher road.
Kathryn
stares at max for a second, then takes a few steps to the side.
Reave:
I HAVE A KATANA!
sasha
punches reave, reave draws out his katana, lookin all menacing and stuff.
REave:
YOU HAVE INSULTED MY NAME, YOU SHALL ummmm....
Thio:
*whispering* oi.
Reave:
YEA, PREPARE TO OI!
Sasha:
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bright
flash, back to the scene, reave head in buried in the ground.
Bippo:
Are we still camping in canada?
Chastity:
NO YOU IDIOT!
Trent:
CHASITITY, HE BELIEVED WE WERE IN CANADA, AND YOU MOCKED HIM FOR HIS BELIEFS,
JUST
CAUSE
HE THINKS HE IN CANADA, HE'S AUTOMATICALLY LESS OF A PERSON TO YOU, HUH? BLah
Blah blah.. blah.
KAthryn:
HA HA! YOU GOT MADE FUN OF!
Chastity:
howso?
Katrhyn:
well, he mocked you and your vegan belief speeches.
Chastity:
vegan? you mean those people who dont eat animal stuff?
Trent:
is so damn confused, that he starts beating the shit out of himself all the
while yelling "hardcore"
The
hell? whats going on sasha?
Max: i
dunno max.
Sasha:
well I for one am getting out of here. *trails off into long speech about
parting
is such
sweet sorrow, and adieu adieu, and stuff of that sort*
Reave:
Reave after giving what will be forever remember as the no one was listening
address, hauls ass to vermont.
SOMEONE
FIGURE THIS OUT!
Kathryn:
calm down kathryn.
Harley:
SHUTUP YOU MOTORCYCLE HUSSY!
Bippo:
*GASP!* dont use such harsh language bippo.
Harley:
this odd occurrence continues on for soem time, uncle tom and his volunteer
crew of
"people
who volunteered to hop out of a cabin, and look goofy" come and set things
right.
ALL:
THANK YOU UNCLE TOMAS!
uncle
tom: small house of uncle tooooMMASS!
Kathryn:
oh dear...
Bippo:
ITS LATE YOU GUYS, AND WEEEEEEERRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE LOSTTTTTTTTTTTT....
THIO:
geh heh heh heh, yer names bippo.
sasha:
thio you stop with the hick accent or so help me i shall smite thee with a
business
reply
card!
Thio:
oh, well, look at the time, i think we should head off to a motel.
Stoney:
were in one right now.
Thio:
ohhhh yeaaaaa.....
My eyes
hurt. i know this has nothing to do with the story, but they hurt like crazy.
you
know, i'd like to hear some stories from people about their eyes. like maybe
you lost
you eye
in a tragic badminton accident,or maybe a horrific tale of a stye gone terribly
awry.
basically, if you've got an eye story, i'd like to hear it, just type it right
up,
go on
now, i'll wait. now when you're done, e-mail it to [email protected] cause
after
all,
what looks like a cancerous tumor on your eyelid, might well be a second head.
they
probly
already made a movie about that. man my eyes hurt. but i digress...
everybodies
sleeping, so that story couldve continued a lot longer, but since this is
pretend
world, if i say its 2 in the after noon and theyre all awake and well rested,
then
they are.
It's 2
in the after noon, and eveyrone is wide awake and well rested. They are ready
to
begin their journeys anew.
Trent:
it's odd, when we went to sleep, we were in the hotel, but i couldve sworn that
we were
in the park and i don't remember walking anywhere.
Max:
that's what i like to call, deja vu.
Sasha:
no max, deja vu is when something is so familiar to you, you swear youve
already
experienced
it before. like when your in a house youve never been in, but if feels like
youve
been there before. stuff like that.
Max:
yes i know that.
Sasha:
so whyd you say otherwise?
max:
Because like i said, I LIKE to call what trent experienced deja vu.
sasha:
oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh...... fiddlesticks!
max:
why do you say things like that?
sasha:
whats wrong with that?
max:
fiddlesticks?
sasha:
im tired. can we get a hotel room so i can retire?
max: we
just woke up i think.
sasha:
oh, well thats a horse of a different color.
max: i
give up...
Kathryn:
give up what?
max: im
not exactly sure, but i know im frustrated.
chastity:
no you're not.
max:
okay.
sasha:
pizza's here!
all:
what?
pizza
guy, who looks suspisciously familiar: here's your pizza.
max:
Why does it smell like a dead skunk? don't i know you from somewhere?
sasha:
hey, this pizza has a whole chicken on it.
trent:
is that a sock?
harley:
hmmmm... chicken.... sock with face on it.... curious skunk smell...
it can
only be....
pizza
guy: EL SKUNKO! HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!!
max:
*GASP* EL SKUNKO!
el skunko:
that's right, and i have eaten the real pizza!
Trent:
you ate our pizza?
el
skunko: wouldn't you like to know.
and
with that, el skunko vanished into a cloud of stench. he didnt really
vanish,
you could see him run away, through the thin vail of green, but
thats
besides the point, and really has nothing to do with the continuation
of the
story.
suddenly
out of the clear blue, and having no relevance to the plot (what plot?) so far,
a
distraught girl wearing very baggy, loose, non-revealing clothes, with the
words
'rape
me please i want it now, come on baby!' printed across the front runs up to our
friends
the minkEs, followed by two big surly southern stereotypes.
the
girl: PLEASE, HELP, THEYRE TRYING TO RAPE ME!
thing
1: IT'S HER OWN FAULT, SHES ASKING FER IT, WEARING WHAT CLOTHES THAT SHE DOES.
thing
2: I LIKE KITTY CATS!
Sasha:
you know, i hate rapists, and stuff of this sort, but the mans got a point.
max:
yes, he does have a point, but i don't see how liking kitty cats has
anything
the situation at present.
sasha:
are you really this stupid or is it just an act?
max
does not answer, because hes climbed a lamp post, and is dancing the
charleston.
sasha:
one of these days max, one of these days! BANG! ZOOM! STRAIGHT TO THE MOON!
max:
CHARLESTON! CHARLESTON.....
Sasha
decided that while the girl was asking for it, she still didn't deserve to
be
raped, so she told the girl to run along, but to not wear such slutty attire.
Max
eventually stopped doing the charleston, only after a low flying plane mistook
him for
anthropomorph doing on a lamp post doing the macarena, wherein it tried to
catch
max in the engine. They pulled up at the last second, realising it was
in fact
the charleston, and not the macarena (heyyyyyy... macaroni). max
was
thoroughly startled, and immediately lept into sasha's arms, who then dropped
him,
and started wailing on him and calling him a pervert. this seemed to
appease
the almighty sasha, but then, the unthinkable happened. a very queer looking
dog
walked up, and started talkin lingo which the minkEs couldn't quite grasp.
they
managed to decipher some, when sasha realised it was flame, and proceeded
to
whomp upon his wannabeachildoftheghetto ass.
flame:
ohhhhh..... *pain* JIGGA WHAT?!?! *unmeasurablesuffering* DO YA SMELL
WHAT DA
ROCK IS-- *muffled screams*
well
that was odd sasha, but did you really need to mail him to alvin and the
chipmunks
house?
sasha:
yes i did mister narrator.
what
are you doing now? oh that's right, sasha's headed off to the society
for the
preservation of mello yello and other things that taste good but
are
less available than they should be, as all good minkEs do at least once a year.
sasha:
that's right mister narrator.
I've
just been informed by the evercrazy yvie, that there are people out there
booing
mello yello as i write this, and worst of all, arent even spelling it right.
I'm
quite dissapointed with this, especially after my upsetting occurrence
earlier,
which involved me, and a local wendy's which is the only place i know of in the
greater
metro-detroit area to get mello yello, after coca cola abandoned it in favor of
surge,
which is in itself a cheap rip off of KICK, which is also hard to find.
anyway,
back to my story. I had just ordered the mello yello, and was pulling out of
the
wendy's, and making a michigan left. for those of you who don't know what a
michigan
left is, it's where you turn right onto a boulevard, then turn left
around
the boulevard, or where you turn around the boulevard, then turn right
onto a
street. either way, it's a michigan left. so these kind of turns can really
throw a
minivan around. and since my vw is in the shop, a long wheelbase minivan is
just
what i was driving. well, does anyone knwo those adjustable cupholder in
the
chryslers? well, ours is broken. sooooo... when i turned, i watched in horror
as
my
precious mello yello flew across the passenger seat and slammed into the door,
thus
losing every last drop to the hideous superabsorbing minivan carpet. so im a
little
upset about this mello yello incident.
*tear
us apart by inxs is playing in the background*
max:
never tear us apart....
chastity:
where's that music coming from?
harley:
isn't the whole people noticing the movie soudntrack thing a little clichéd?
max:
well yea, but so's the whole self-awareness in fiction thing. I hate to say it,
but
everything is clichéd nowadays, thanks to "cutting edge" shows like
ally mcbeal,
which
take bits and pieces of pythonesque humor, poor examples of pythonesque humor
to boot,
then
cut and paste them into a soap opera like setting. and throw in the woman who
gives
teen
girls eating disorders just by being alive, and you've instantly got a hit,
which
ruins
everything for fans of the purer form of this kind of humor, which doesn't
involve
catering
to the masses, and enforcing freakish ideals upon our nations youth. thanks to
\
shows
like "ally", all the old favorites like self-awareness are clichéd.
kathryn:
ah fuck it lets go meet sasha at the airport.
max: ah
yes, sasha will be coming back from the preservation society, we should go get
her
at her
gate, which is g-12, at the m*cough*ey*cough* international airport.
Harley:
I am going to have to temporarily take sasha's position here, and ask,
"why
the hell do you keep doing that?"
max:
doing what?
harley:
huh?
max:
well, it looks as though sasha's plane has been delayed. lets all go to
cinabon.
there
is a great applause, as all the minkes jumped up and ran toawrds the cinnamony
goodness.
three
or four weeks later...
The
group has cleaned the icing off their faces and has returned to the gate, where
they find
sasha,
wearing a slightly crooked santa hat, looking very forlorn, and abandoned.
sorry
for the late ass update on the christmas special. im a dumb bastard. again, im
very sorry.
*
a very minke christmas *
,
_/^\_
< > <----- star
* /.-.\
*
* `/&\`
*
,@.*;@,
/_o.I %_\ *
* (`'--:o(_@;
/`;--.,__ `') *
;@`o % O,*`'`&\
* (`'--)_@ ;o %'()\ *
/`;--._`''--._O'@;
/&*,()~o`;-.,_
`""`)
* /`,@ ;+& () o*`;-';\ <------ tree
(`""--.,_0 +% @'
&()\
/-.,_ ``''--....-'`) *
*
/@%;o`:;'--,.__ __.'\
;*,&(); @ %
&^;~`"`o;@(); * <----- snow
/(); o^~; &
().o@*&`;&%O\
`"="==""==,,,.,="=="==="`
__.----.(\-''#####---...___...-----._
'` \)_`"""""`
.--' ')
o( )_-\ <----- bunny
`"""` `
Sasha:
ive been here three weeks...
harley:
if it makes you feel any better, so have we.
Sasha:
*looking up, hopeful, and kind of cheesy and dramatic* really?
Max:
its true, we have.
Trent:
yea, but shes been sitting in the terminal, alone, we were having a party at
cinabon.
Sasha:
*eyes widen, still kind of dramatic* Cinabon? *tears well up in eyes, she
begins to sob*
harley:
DAMMIT TRENT! NOW LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE! I WISH YOUD NEVER BEEN BORN!
weird
sound effects, as the visage of joe friday appears in fornt of them.
joe:
Hello minkEs, i am your guardian tim curry
all:
wow!
joe:
harley, you wished that trent had never been born.
harley:
thats right.
joe: as
you wish.
harley:
huh?
joe:
trent was never born...
harley:
really? cool!
joe: im
now going to show you what life is like, since trent has never been born...
they
begin to float
Harley:
hey, this is cool, what is that big thing in the ocean?
Joe:
thats the international bridge, built after the world unified into one peaceful
community.
harley:
are the swedish part of it?
joe: of
course.
harley:
boy, glad max isnt here. kathryn for that matter too. spekaing of that,
why
arent they here?
joe:
funny you should ask, that what we were going to do next.
harley:
hey, didn't i see this on tv once?
joe: oh
yea, any time someone wishes someone else wasnt born, during the
holiday
season, we do this.
harley:
ohhhh... i get it.
joe:
anyway, here we see max and sasha in church...
harley:
church? are they, are they singing?
joe:
yes, they're in the church choir, theyre quite good, too. they were just in the
news,
a full
page article.
harley:
im confused.
joe:
you see, trent was never at the academy, and could never corrupt them.
harley:
thats bad. thats all bad.
joe:
here we have thio. and laura. and some other minkEs who have met trent.
theyre
all downtown, helping the mentally challenged, and sponsoring
the
anti-homosexuality drive.
harley:
i can say im shocked.
joe:
next, we move onto chastity. she became the first woman to be president.
harley:
dont you have to be older than that to be president?
joe:
the age restriction got lowered, because of the lack of crime, and the
quality
education people received in the absence of trent.
harley:
wow, just think, trent was holding all the indecency and badness of this world
together.
what
about kathryn, where's she in all this muddle?
joe:
yeah, well uh, this happens soemtimes in these alternate universe things.
kathryn
wasn't
affected by trent's absence, but she ended up being a delinquent.
Harley:
coooooooollll.... but bring trent back man.
joe: i
thought you'd see it my way.
harley:
thank you joe friday, thank you.
trent:
*fizzle* what happened....
sasha:
dunno, but its new years already.
bippo:
woohoo! new millenium!
trent:
ILL KILL YOU! ITS NOT THE FUCKING NEW MILLENIUM YOU ABSENT-MINDED FREAK!
GAHHHH!!!!
trent
proceeded to chase bippo in a stupid little circle around the group, until
harley
grabbed trent and pummeled upon his newly reexistified being.
the
year 2000 rolled around without a hitch (stupid freaky survivalists),
so they
partied for several days. and that is the lackluster ending to the timeless
tradition
of rehashing its a wonderful life for one's own personal gains.
thankyouverymuch.
I just
thought i'd mention that one person has stopped reading it because it got too
stupid to read.
Thank
you Jhared for letting me know that all of my hard work up til this point has
paid off.
i'm
just so proud of myself. But, the show must go on....
Here we
see sasha, on her way to buy milk and cookies for the annual minkE picnic.
i hope
she knows the grocery store is in the opposite direction.
*sasha
smacks her self in the head and has a good chuckle*
That's
right sasha, off to farm's market for those delicious pepperidge farm cookies.
Those
cookies are kind of expensive. I hope you brought enough money.
*sasha
shakes her head no.*
Then
how will you pay for them?
*sasha
opens her oversized jacket revealing the many many pockets trent has sewn in*
That's
dirty pool sasha
*sasha
nods*
Well,
while sasha the nogoodnick scampers off to "gank" as it were, the
scrumptious cookies,
let's
take a look at another of natures dreadful errors, max.
*max is
hollering and quickly shaking his fist at two people on a date*
Here we
see max in his natural habitat, the movie theatre. Scientists have often
wondered why
max
tends to gravitate towards the movie theatres. this has remained a mystery,
until now.
*max is
mopping up the floor in front of the concession stand*
Max:
HEY! YOU CANT BRING A CAMERA ITNO A MOVIE THEATRE! WHY THE HELL ARE YOUR
WEARING THOSE
GOOFY
SHORTS! ITS THE DEAD OF WINTER!
Steve:
*speaking to the camera* what ahm gonna do, is ahm gonna grab him, put him in a
bag,
and throw
these raisinets at the side of the bag. Now, this will reeeellly make 'im mad,
and max
can be very dangerous, so we hafto be extra careful. see his suit, which offers
'im
camoflage from predators. Legends say he can bite your arms clean off, then sell
them to
children as movie snacks.
*steve
leaps into action*
Max:
THE FUCK! GAH! LEGGO! LEGGO! POLICIA! POLICIA!
*steve
stuffs max into burlap bag, and proceeds to throw raisinets at the side of the
bag*
Max: I
CERTAINLY HOPE YOU INTEND TO PAY FOR THOSE!
Just
then, in a familiar house, on a familiar street, in a familiar town,
in a
familiar county, in a familiar state, in a familiar tri-state area,
in a
familiar country, on a familiar continent, situated between two large familiar
oceans,
on a
familiar planet face, in a familiar solar system, in a familiar galaxy,
in a
familiar universe, three familiar folks sit watching the tv.
Harley:
oh feh, there's nothing on.
Kathryn:
well, GAH! THIS MARKS THE
END OF THE MINKE FIC VOLUME 1.