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Frustration on the SOL
A fanfic by Xellia

Els-chan's note: Because I don't want to get flamed by everyone in existence, I'm sorry Xellia, but I'm going to have to let your secret out. This IS a parody. I was the beta-reader, so I know. If you want to contact Xellia, you can do so at [email protected]. Please don't email me about this fic, because it really has nothing to do with me. If you're under the age of 18, turn back now. This fic contains blatant homosexuality. Thank you.

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this are mine. They belong to Best Brains, Inc. I am making no profit off of this. The views in this fic do not necessarily reflect the views of the actual owners. I have no money, nor do I have a job. Please don't sue me, no matter how tempting.

Author's note: My beta-reader made me swear not to mention her name. I don't know why, tho...she said it was a great work of satire...of course, she almost passed out when I told her this wasn't satire...I wonder why? +Shrugs+ She is a weird one. Anyway, this story takes place during the Mike era, after Joel made his cameo appearance. The difference is that Joel decided to stay for some odd reason. And for the record, I love MST3K.

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It was a quiet day on the SOL. Joel and Mike were alone in Mike's room, comparing their experiences as science experiments.

"Let me tell you, Mike, it was hell. All that time without human contact...It got so bad that I actually developed an add-on for Crow just before Gypsy discovered that escape pod that would have helped me with my sexual urges."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, Joel...After a while, jerking off just loses its magic. I've never been so frustrated before in my life! Way back when, at least I could hire a hooker to get some, y'know? But now, there's NO OTHER HUMAN BEING TO FUCK!!! I can't STAND it!" Mike slammed his fist into the wall, then cradled it in his hand when he realized just how much that hurt.

Joel sighed. "I feel your pain, man...I really do." Joel held up his hand, and sure enough, his knuckles were quite bruised from being slammed into walls.

"But wait! Now there is another human!" Mike gave Joel a "look". There's you, and there's me. There's 2 of us. We could..."

"Dance to the Masochism Tango?" Joel blinked.

"No! We could FUCK! EACH OTHER!" Mike cried. "Don't you understand, man? Our sexual needs will be satisfied! We'd never have to masturbate again!!!" Mike smiled. "I really am a genius."

"Hey! That's a great idea! You're right! You are a genius!" Joel started to strip down and so did Mike.

When they were both almost naked, Mike looked over at Joel and said,"Wait, who gets to be on top?"

Joel shrugged. "Well, you ARE wearing a leather thong, Mike, and I am wearing lace panties, so I think that means that you're on top."

Mike nodded. "OK. Sorry, but it's been a while."

Joel nodded. "Understandable. Anyway, are you ready?"

Mike grinned ferally and pounced on Joel, tearing his panties off. He started making out with him as Joel slid off Mike's thong. Soon, they were both totally naked. Joel smiled down at Mike's growing erection, then dropped to his knees and took it into his mouth. Mike cried out in sheer pleasure as Joel sucked him hard. Placing his fingers behind Joel's head, he began thrusting into Joel's mouth hard and fast. It didn't take long before he came hard, and Joel swallowed it all so that he wouldn't choke. Then, grinning down at the thinner man, Mike began lowering himself to his knees.....

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Gypsy was going about her usual duties when Crow and Tom wandered onto the bridge.

"Hey, Gyps, have you seen Joel or Mike?" Tom asked.

"Why, no, I'm afraid not...why do you ask?" Gypsy replied.

"Oh, we just wanted to tell them that we're eloping," Crow replied nonchalantly from behind Tom.

"ELOPING?!"

"Yeah, Crow got me all knocked up. So we're gonna elope," Tom said.

"And let me tell you something, Joel's little add-on that he made for me? Brilliant." Crow chuckled.

"Oh, my word..."was all Gypsy could say before she hit the floor in a dead faint.

Tom turned to Crow. "I'd say she took it pretty well; what do you think?"

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Mike rolled off of Joel, exhausted and sweaty. "Man, that was great..."

"Yeah..." Joel whispered, cuddling up to Mike. "Hey, Mike?"

"Yes, Joel?"

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course, Joel," Mike replied before kissing Joel on the forehead and pulling the covers up over them so that they could sleep comfortably.

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~FIN~

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Author's Note #2: So, what did you think? Please, give me feedback! Lots and lots of feedback! Do you want me to continue this? Should I actually write the wedding? Let me know! R/R! Thanks!