Parody
This is from a visitor to the site, who saw the list and wanted to originally make fun of me for being so picky, but the 'fic'ended up being a great humour piece. I include it with Einsteinmonkey's permission, (as is) and the wonderful International Baccalureate site, IBScrewed.net.

Enjoy.

Einsteinmonkey wrote:
This is undoubtedly the worst piece of crap that has ever been spawned. I hope you hate it (because I certainly do). Full of plot holes too, which you didn't specify!

*****
{"Screw Voldie! That fucker!" Snape said, as he was having sex with Hermione after taking off a black baseball cap interspersed with white words proclaiming "Pimp My Ride!", his favourite show. "Oh Snapie," Hermione said after her post-hours "DADA extra training", which she had undertaken upon finding out that Snape was really an attractive man who hid his beauty with magic in an attempt to foil the evil plans of the Death Eaters, and thus looked like a vampire to everyone else. She was under the Imperio curse, from whom she thought was the protector of Slytherin House, Snape, who was just then putting his sporty looking and up to 50m water resistant Timex watch back on his wrist, and he said "You really 'ensnared my senses'!" Hermie tried to struggle against the curse but Snape snapped "Pay attention! I'm yo pimp yo! Bling bling and all dat shiznat!" and she fell under his influence once more. Snape could hear Tony, the new DADA teacher, who was a stereotypical loser, and Mary Sue, a hot little number, going at it again...but Mary Sue would be his, he knew it. But he was, unbeknownst to almost everyone else, except HP who was fighting off some Dementors at the North Pole, he was under the Imperio curse himself and ALSO drugged with Veritaserum! Just then, Sirius Black walked out of the fireplace and ran up to Snape, who was shocked and unprepared. Sirius punched Snape in the head, and he flew back several meters, breaking his water bottle filled with pure, refreshing Dasani water. "How did you get here?!" demanded Snape and Sirius replied, "when someone is under the Imperio curse and at the same time drugged from Veritaserum and it is the third Tuesday of the sixth month after a crescent moon, the power to bring back the dead exists!", to which Snape muttered, "foolish wandwaving!" He quickly grabbed his wand and disabled Sirius, who struggled against his bonds to no avail. As Sirius lay writhing on the ground, Snape said "Deus Ex Machina...very clever!" He grabbed his Bic pen and scribbled down a brief note to John, the head janitor. "I got this Bic pen all the way back when I was 12 years old and a Slytherin from 20 years before the school was formed who was extremely old tuned in to my goth feelings all the way from Albania and he sent the pen through Mexico saying that it had hidden powers. At the same time, my uncle, who I lived with, beat me and after that continually abused me, which is why I became a goth. Because of that, I took a liking to the moving staircases at Hogwarts. I'm under the influence of Veritaserum so if you are prepared...I'll tell you my evil plan. I will kill Dumbledore and take over the world! Just as I took over this lousy body! Of course I am not really Sevvie, I'm an ancient evil being. Those memories were just bits and pieces I dragged out of his memory. It was after his work in "Love Actually" but oh, I (the evil being) have possessed this body who is under Veritaserum. Now it's time to kill you!" 'Snape' finished and he approached Sirius with his wand out. Suddenly Sirius pulled out a gun and shot Snapie, who turned into a bat and flew away because he was a vampire.}

And that was the entry written by Hermione (who was sitting naked in a corner during that time) in HP's yearbook while Ron furiously screwed her from behind. Another year was over and yet they pitited Snape for being beaten by his grandfather (who was also his uncle, and aunt, for that matter), and they all despised veritaserum even more.
*****

Edit: My head hurts for writing this unholy junk...

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