Snape Answers his Email!

Have any potential emails? Email me at [email protected] and I'll forward them to Snape. Book characters are preferred, but I will also take them from others. I need a fictitious email address, obviously fake, a fictitous name, and the actual email. I will not use real addresses, unless you request it.

And please use proper grammer and spelling. You're addressing a professor! (Merely a suggestion).

None of these addresses are real- ESPECIALLY ALAN RICKMAN'S! DO NOT TRY THEM!!! (unless you want to be laughed at...)

BOOKMARKS to:

Sir,
I have been the victim of an attack of a misplaced Memory charm, or so people have told me. I have only begun to piece together my past, only when I saw a book that I had supposedly written-titled Magical Me. I have been talking to many, and one of my sources mentioned that I had worked with you at Hogwarts. It would be a great help to me if you could tell me what I was like while at Hogwarts, so I can perhaps work on remembering my past.
With great thanks,
Gilderoy Lockhart

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: Reply

I do not know how you attained this address, but it was certainly not from one of my colleagues. I do not remember a 'Lockhart' figure from my teaching at Hogwarts.
Sincerely,
Professor S.Snape

Hey Severus!
Couple of the guys and I are going to the Three Broomsticks have a couple of brewskis, torture a couple of Muggles....Wanna come? Wednesday at 8!
Igor

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Igor,
I thought you understood I'm not a Death Eater anymore! I will not come to your little gathering! I have more important things to do!
Severus

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Please? It'll be like old times....

***
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

No.

***
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

I really can't stand that Mafloy...and the Lestranges -- they're loony! Bella keeps hitting on me...Anyway, come and help me keep them in order! If you don't, I'll tell them what you really are! *sticks his tongue out*

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Oh come on now! Isn't this getting excessive? I will not go to the meeting! I don't care what Mafloy and the others think! Leave me alone!

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Well fine then. You're no fun.

Sir,
You might be aware of the movie that is being produced of the Harry Potter story. Since your character is a major part of Harry's growth and development, it is to be featured in the movie. I would like to personally meet you, so I can discuss your character, seeing as that I am to play you in the movie. You could help me bring out the truth of your character to the audience.
In greatest respects,
Alan Rickman

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Sir,
Any actor knows that one must look at the given circumstances of a script to deduce character. I suggest that you read the script, and determine your interpretation of my character from it. I will certainly not meet you, seeing that whatever I say about my character will not be the same as someone's interpretation of my character from a fictional series.
Sincerely,
Professor S.Snape

Professor,
I hope you're enjoying your holidays. I had a question. I was touring a Muggle science exhibit about medieval medical techniques- and on one of the exhibits, they mention 'medicinal leaves.' I remember you talking about a type of medicinal leaf in second year- only in passing- but I have searched all my books for something of that sort, and I can't find it. What were you talking about? Thank you for your time.
Hermione Granger

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Ms.Granger,
If I mentioned a plant in class, it is in your textbook. Look again. How am I to remember what I said about a specific medicinal plant, especially in a passing reference? I could have been referring to a number of medicinal plants. And besides, I deal with potions, Ms. Granger, not plants. You should talk to Professor Sprout. Do not contact me again unless it is important.
Professor S.Snape
PS. I will be taking 5 points from Gryffindor once school starts.

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: Potion response

Professor,
I found the answer to my question in my notes from your class. You were referring to aloe vera, a green plant that when broken its insides provide a cool relief for burns or irritated skin.
Thank you again for your time.
Hermione Granger

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Ms. Granger,
Make that 10 points.
Professor S.Snape.

Professor,
I am in quite a predicament. My Muggle aunt and uncle have locked up my school books for the summer, for fear that I would "bewitch" them. So I cannot do the essay you assigned over the summer. (Unless you talk to my aunt and uncle....)
Harry Potter

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Mr. Potter,
I will not take excuses. Your essay is still due when school commences in September.
Professor S.Snape
PS. 10 points will be taken from Gryffindor

Sir,
I have heard of your supposed "mastery" of potions in Britain from all the way in the United States. I teach Potions myself in Keaton, the best wizarding school in the United States. I wonder if you're so good as you say you are. I say I'm the best Potions master in the whole world, and even you can't beat me! (And I didn't need to work for Voldemort!)
So come on- any time, any place!
What are you gonna do, kill me? HA!
Ellyndia McGovern III
PS- My ego is twice as big as yours!

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Madam,
Any respectable and reasonable Potion teacher would not need to prove their worth against anyone. You act like many of my students- arrogant, egotistic, and unworthy of my competition. I suggest that you develop a sense of decorum. You are a disgrace to all Potion teachers everywhere. Please refrain from contacting me again.
Professor S.Snape

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: F*** you!

Hey you-Yea I'm talking to you! I bet you're scared. You know I'm better. You're just chicken. I suggest you develop a sex drive. I'm sure you can find one cheap and hardly used!
Up yours,
Ellyndia McGovern III

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hey Sev- Why haven't you answered my demands? You ARE chicken! I knew it! I'm going to tell everyone how The Mighty Severus Snape is merely nothing compared to ME!!! HAHAHAHA!
Ellyndia McGovern III

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Madam,
I have informed the Ministry of Magic of your threats, and they should be coming soon.
Professor S. Snape

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Sir,
I am sorry for my actions toward you. I had no right to insult your being like I did. You are probably a very competent teacher and Potions professor. I was just retaliating against my inferiority by insulting someone whom I admire in skill and behavior. Please forgive me.
Ellyndia McGovern III

Note: The preceding was mandated by Ms.McGovern's punishment for the threats and malice acts toward your character. In addition, she has to pay 250 Galleons, complete 150 hours of community service, and take anger-management classes. You will be receiving the paperwork with more information in 2-3 days via your county's Magical Police department.
Sincerely,
Judge Merriwiether Lewis of the Magical Insults and Harrasments Judicial Office of Cook County, New Hampshire, United States

Sir-
It has come to our attention that there has been a rather unbecoming picture of you circulating the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Due to our esteem of you, we chose to send you a picture of this act. We must warn you, however. It shows a student of yours in a insulting imitation of your physical characteristics.
The student in question charmed the mop black, put it on his\her head, then proceeded to walk around docking points from everyone for outrageous behavior.
We choose to send you the picture in hopes that you can identify the student. We have no inner motive- we just want to see justice done.
Sincerely,
Two well-wishers

<unable to attach picture C:\canarycreams\fredweasely\fredassnape#34.jpg>

***

To:[email protected]
From: [email protected]

Sir,
I have had considerable problems with your children's behavior at school. Since we last communicated, they have not shown improvement. Just today I received an email from your two eldest sons who still attend Hogwarts, incriminating themselves in an unbecoming impression of myself. I had hoped, Mr. Weasely, that you had had the chance to discipline your children. But if they do not improve, then I shall take matters into my own hands.
Respectfully,
Professor S. Snape

Severus,
I am contacting you not out of necessity, but out of concern. I have watched for many years your conduct around Sirius. I am not asking you to change your opinion about Sirius- in many ways I feel you are justified in your feelings. But I ask that now, since you two are on the same side, that you try to treat him with a hint of respect. Even if it is merely for show, it would help facilitate the task that all of us are united in.
Thank you for your time,
Remus

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Lupin,
It is with 'respect' out of Black that I don't turn him into the authorities whenever we traverse the same halls. I treat him as civilly as he deserves- and him reciprocating my civility with childish behavior does not help.
S. Snape

Greasy Haired Git-
Look, I don't like havin' to work with you as much as you like havin' to work with me. An' I don't really appreciate you insinuatin' that I can't do anything for the Order--cuz that's not my doing. Anyway-- if I hear that you're givin' Harry a hard time, I will come get you -- screw the consequences.
Black
PS--I'm really getting sick of you bringing dirt in the house whenever you have to come to HQ. I guess you never learned to keep other people's houses clean, either.

***

To: [email protected]
Form: [email protected]

Black-
There is a Muggle device that often comes along with the use of email. It is called a "spell checker." Please avail yourself to this device.
I assure you Black, I am not overly eager to have to work with you, much less sharing the same room with you. I will not reiterate what we discussed in your kitchen the day I told Potter about Occlumency lessons. I will merely say that there are other forces that give Potter "a hard time" that can be more detrimental to his development than my "giving him a hard time.".
Enjoy your cleaning : )
Snape

Sir,
We are wondering if you are interested in appearing in several ads to further the tourism trade in Snape, England. We think that a man of such international appeal and recognition could do a great deal to boost the low tourism industry of our town. If you are interested in more information, please contact our head of tourism for the city of Snape, Melissa Easty, at [email protected].
Thank you for your time,
Linda Huxley, Assistant secretary to Melissa Easty

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Ms. Easty,
I unfortuantly am preoccupied at the moment with business of my own, and do not have spare time. Best of luck in your endeavors.
S. Snape.

Sir,
HIIIII DADDY!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! I AM TRANSFERING TO HOGWARTS NEXT YEAR!! I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING IN YOUR CLASS!! MOMMY MISSED YOU ASLO!! PLEASE EMAIL US BACK!!
Signed,
Tara

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Miss Tara,
As far as I know, I am currently not the father of any children. Spreading lies about such matters is an offense punishable by detention at Hogwarts. I highly suggest that you evaluate your behavior before coming to Hogwarts because the staff does not look highly upon such behavior. I for one will not hesitate to subtract points from your House if I see evidence of you continuing your lies.
Professor S. Snape.

A Friend is:
1. Someone who is always there
2. Someone who cares
3. Someone who will ignore all of the rules you break.
4. A person who sticks by you either because they like you or they know your father will curse them if they don't
5. Someone who loves you no matter what
Quick! Send this to all of your friends including the person who sent it back to you or you will be doomed with bad luck for the rest of your life.
Love, Draco

***

To:[email protected]
From: [email protected]

Mr. Mafloy,
I thought you were above such petty behavior. Surely you know better than many that luck is dependent upon skill, and not on the forwarding of an idiotic email? Still, I will forward your email. Your father would expect nothing less.
Professor S.Snape

(My Note: And take that last cryptic sentence however you choose)

That was so cool the way you blasted Lockhart through the air. The was one of the best parts of CoS. I've only seen the movies but I'm making my way through the Books. How in the world did Lockhart get the DADA job anyway?? He's a complete idiot. Hey is there anyway you could turn Lucius's hair neon pink or Gryffindor colors.
Death Rider
***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Miss 'Death Rider',
Need I remind you that any portrayal of my character by some Muggle actor only praises that actor and not the person it is based on? I have no idea how Lockhart got the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. I did not make the final administrative decision.
I am perfectly capable of charming Mr. Mafloy's hair a different colour. Any second year Charms student knows the spell required. However, I will not. I have other things to do than fulfill some fangirl's idiotic fantasy!
Professor S. Snape

Professor Severus Snape,
I know that this may be rather sudden and unexpected, but I have been informed that you would be the best choice to give some advice for this rather complicated situation that my school is facing. I am a Defenses and Cosmology teacher at the Tahoe Reservation Academy in the state of Nevada in the United States of America. Our school is very small, and severely under funded due to -- how may I put this politely? -- Well, the racist American Bureau of Sorceries -- the ABS. My problem is exactly this: Due to the changed standards of the schooling, We are expected to teach the basics of the World Standard Magic -- which is what is being taught in Hogwarts the last time I heard. And yet, I wish to continue teaching the students (99% of whom are of the Native American Descent) The 'Old Way' as we put it, because it is very important for my students to still have some shred of their hertiage, and in my most humble of opinion, it's empathis on a cycle of balance of nature and the importance on Healing Crafts is extremely important in this era. Our problem mainly is trying to make due with what little we have for potions, healing art, and so on (most of which is what the other schools has a surplus of). Do you have any advice to deal with a limited amount of exotic material such as gillyweed and etc.?

Sincerely, Josepf Raphael Eagleclaw

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Professor,

Unfortunately, underfunding for all the disciplines are under harsh scrutiny. I do not know of the United States, but at least where I teach, even the most well-funded subjects are suffering budget cuts.

I am sure that your American Bureau of Sorceries has channels in which complaints can be made regarding the services of the Bureau to its members. I encourage you to take those routes, explaining clearly your position, and demanding the basic tools needed to teach your craft -- ie, gillyweed and other items. Otherwise explain clearly that if materials are lacking, then certainly performance will lack also.

While we as educators are only slaves to the system which we serve, there must be a balance that is struck between the standard worldwide education of World Standard Magic [WSM] and that which is appropriate for your region. If you are serious about teaching localised magic usage, then you must work around the system. Afterschool classes are always an option, as well as weekend classes. You might try teaching the 'Old Way' directly in conjunction with the core curriculum, but such measures must be done so that the core curriculum is not compromised. However any such materials will have to come from outside sources, ie, out-of-pocket. I only encourage this mode of discourse only if your students show an interest in their heritage.

However, it has been my experience that the WSM is more than adequate enough in developing young witches and wizards. I myself would like the opportunity to teach regional English Potions -- but the students' short attention span hardly makes it worth the effort.

Professor S. Snape

1. Leave Harry alone! What did that boy ever do to you? He's my best friend!
2. Extend the date of our term papers. Half of us haven't started, thought I'm proud to say I have.
3. Chill out! Go on vacation once in a while, you're too tense!
4. Yeah, I know I was the one who hexed Malfoy for making fun of Ron, but do I have to test that sleeping potion in front of the whole class?!?!? You can't do that! You'd have to force it down my throat.... uh... hee...That's not what I meant!

Well, that's it! Hope that you are well. Kudos, GBY and LYL! :)

Daria: Angel! What are you doing?

Arene: Nothing, Nyx, go away!

Daria: Your E-mailing him?

Arene: Go away!

Daria: SHE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!

Arene: SHUT UP AND GIVE ME BACK MY KEYBORD-

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Miss Haynes,

Why should I care who you are? And how did you get this address? It is to be used for official correspondence ONLY -- not this mindless drivel that you have managed to produce. And what is "sruffing"?

However, since I am an educator, I feel the need to correct one of your dominate errors in your mail. If you must know, the Headmaster commandeered an old muggle 'computer' to be used by the staff to keep in contact with the Muggle world. It sat, for the most part, unused and gathering dust in the corner of the staffroom. That is, until the Headmaster demanded the staff ... ah ... expand their knowledge of the Muggle world by spending the minimum of an hour a week "On-line". That, or our wages would be held until we did so. Some of the more flamboyant members (Flitwick and Sprout come to mind) spend hours in 'chatrooms'. I merely check my mail and answer stupid questions, such as this one.

1. I treat Potter like any other student. He, unfortunately, tends to require more discipline than others. He disrupts my classes and creates an environment that impedes instruction.
2. No. In fact they are now due the week before. I shall make the announcement in class, and gladly accredit the decision to your 'persuasive argument'.
3. 10 points from Gryffindor. I feel slightly better. Thank you for the stress-reliever.
4. Yes you do. You are already well-accustomed to sleeping in my class. I thought I would aid your efforts.

I do not have a website nor would I even consider it.

Considering I have a headache and papers to grade, I will not even try to comprehend the rest of your nonsense.

Professor S. Snape

(My note: This is not SNAPE's site. This is my site, a shrine to him. Did you think he would be egotistical enough to provide analysis about HIMSELF?)

Sir,

Sorry to bother you, but I am going to go to Hogwarts soon to improve my english (I come from Belgium, and I'm 21, this mean I'll be with younger classmates, but since Hogwarts is the best Wizarding school ever, I'll not waste my precious time.), and I am very happy for having such a great professor who will teach me potions. A pure art, I agree. It's like cooking after all, since people call good cooking "Art", so potion
must be the masterpiece of all time! =D

Well, I have a few questions though...
I've been told by a student of your (which I'll not tell the name) that:

-You were very rough with student.
-That you never wash your hair. (Dont feel wwrong about this)
-Here, they call you "Severus Rogue&quoot;. (It's true... They tend to call you like this here.) Why...?
-That you are damn sexy.
-That Lockheart forced you to make drink lovve potion to the female student to have all of them being struck to his stupid ass.

I also have lots questions, but I dont want to waste your precious time.

I also want to tell you we have here, in Belgium some magical ingredients that cant be found and arent used at all in other countries, would you enjoy if I was bringing some of them here?

I hope you and other teachers will help me at improving my magic and english. :)

Valérie Brabon.

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: Dear Mr Snape

Miss Brabon,

My understanding from the headmaster was that you would be entering merely as an observer. It is his hope to facilitate international wizarding relations with such exchange programs.

-I will say that I am willing to impose strict discipline upon my students. Yes, there have been complaints, but I dismiss them as a part of the present trend of "free positive reinforcement" which has little evidence of actually being effective in the upbringing of children..
-One thing you will learn about me -- I am aa very private man.
-I suppose the change from "Snape"; to "Rogue" is purely for linguistic facilitation.
-That is someone's personal opinion, and doees not necessarily represent my opinion of myself.
-And Lockhart...I will just comment that Locckhart's dismissal was not mourned by the rest of the staff. In fact I still have the picture we threw darts at....

Feel free to bring whatever ingredients you would like. I only warn you about proper handling and transportation procedures, especially across borders. The Magical Enforcement Squad is very stringent concerning infections and magical effects on the indigenous flora and fauna of Great Britian.

Until we meet,

Professor S. Snape.

Prof. Snape,

Really Severus, it is quite rude of you to sweep in and out of Head Quarters without even staying for dinner. I understand that you are very busy, but I always tell my children (the same goes for you) that everyone needs their proper nutrition. So I am inviting you to stay for dinner anytime that it is convenient for you. I am sure everyone will be glad to see you here, and to assure you I always make enough food for everyone. Hope to see you at dinner, Severus.

Mrs. Weasley

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Dinner Invitation

Mrs. Weasely,
You know as well as I do that the Order mandates that I proceed at my discretion and with the utmost expedience. This includes not eating meals with many of the other Order members. For your information, I do eat, I do sleep, but until He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone I cannot rest. Besides, there are those on the Order that I would like to limit my interaction as much as possible. Perhaps after the ordeal I can take you up on your offer.

Much regret,

Severus Snape

Dear Prof. S. Snape,

Hello, sir, I hope you don't think it rude or presumptuous of me for writing to your e-mail address. I just thought I would write and tell you how much I greatly admire you as a teacher, and as a person. Just to tell you, I am not your typical fan that has sick sexual fantasies about you. (You do not want to know the things I have seen.) I actually have a great respect for you. Because of this, I always find it really strange the way I have heard your students talk about you, as if you are some bitter, angry tyrant ready to throw everyone out of the school. I actually find some of the stories they tell about your class very amusing. Oh, well, maybe that came out in the wrong way. Not that I think your class isn't serious, because I do, but I am just one of those many strange people out there who find sarcasm extremely hilarious. Don't take it the wrong way.

I have made a website dedicated to you, sir. You aren't obligated to go visit it, because I understand it might be extremely weird to see a site with your face all over it. I just thought you would like to know.

I am actually sort of nervous writing a letter to you, so maybe I should just end it while I can. I suspect you will answer me back with your usual sarcasm. I expect no more...and no less. ;)

Sincerely,

A Fan

P.S. As a side note, my sister is a great fan of Sirius Black. Somehow we still admit that we are related! Haha!

P.P.S. I think that you have the coolest name ever, if you don't mind me saying so, sir.

P.P.P.S. I would like to one day make your aquaintance. It would be the greatest honor ever!

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for all these Post Scriptums, sir.

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: A Fan

I do not know who you are, but this is perhaps the most obvious exploitation of the English language I have seen in a long time. Why do you fill your letter with false respect, admiration, and even nervousness when all you mean is contempt? You are not even being clever. I almost suspect you are a Gryffindor -- amused at my classes, indulging in Muggle pursuits such as 'web-building'. You find my remarks 'hilarious' - all the more reason to believe you only mean to mock me.

Fine, then. Do you have a living will? If not, you might want to invest in one, should you ever get your wish and "meet me". Gain your glory in having been murdered by Severus Snape. I have done it before. I will even let you pick your poison. Put that on your website -- and see how many people laugh then. Finally prove that I have a sense of humour. Ha ha ha.

If you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic.

Do not attempt to contact me again. Otherwise the concequences will be....dire. I am not joking.

Severus Snape.

P.S. Unlike you, I can make my point in the body of my letter.

(My note: Creepy.)

Dear Sir (Or Professor),

Um, greetings, sir. I mean Professor. I mean Professor Snape. Whatever is most respectful to you, sir. I just wanted to ask a question. Is that...okay? Sorry. Um, I mean, I don't care if it's okay. I mean I do, I just really want to ask it. Gosh, I'm nervous.

Um, why do you single me out for so much bad treatment? I mean no disrespect, sir, it's just that it seems you really enjoy snapping at me. I mean, I don't always do things wrong! And, sir, it would probably help me to be better if you didn't make it so hard on me all the time. I don't mean to criticize you or anything, but I just heard it's the duty of a Professor to help students who are having trouble. But, I mean, it gets kind of scary. Like that time this last year when you were telling us that we had to get an 'acceptable' on the O.W.L. or suffer your displeasure, and then you looked right at me. I hate to complain so much, but it's getting me kind of concerned sometimes about the amount of negative attention you give me. Is it something I said?

Please don't dock off points from Gryffindor. And please don't assign me extra homework. I promise to try harder to be an, um, better student.

Please don't kill me.

Respectfully, Neville Longbottom

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Mr. Longbottom:

You stupid boy! You think I want to kill you? Granted, there are days where I toy with the thought, but it is only because of your lack of progress. Trying will not get you anywhere, Longbottom. It is results that show effort. Since I hardly see any satisfactory effort from you, I do not feel you are trying.

Homework is meant to aid you in improving your education. I will not bother assigning you extra homework, because you will just shirk it. The result will be shoddy, and I will be stuck grading a piece of trash, such as that you turned in your second attempt at the Moonstone and Its Uses in Potion Making essay. Next time you dare turn in such a mockery of the Potions field I will not kill you, but write your grandmother about your lack of progress.

I do not single you out, Longbottom. You require more correction, and thus I am forced to spend more time cleaning up after your mistakes. If you only applied yourself to learning Potions and not cheating off Miss Granger, then perhaps you would not be corrected as often. I looked at you at that moment at the beginning of last year because I was not going to let five years of instruction be wasted. You are capable of passing, Longbottom. It is just a severe lack of application, effort, and will that prevents success.

I do hope, for your sake, that you got at least an 'Acceptable' on your Potions OWL. Otherwise I will be forced to recommend to the Headmaster that you be held back a year. If you cannot master such basic information that is required of all wizards such as the twelve uses of Dragon's blood, of what use will you be to society?

I find fear provides ample motivation.

Professor S. Snape

deer sir,
dobby has a email now so dobby thout abot riting u. dobby dus not lik tha waay u treet hairy poter sir. u mus not bee meen too him sir. hairy poter is a gret boy sir. dobby jus dus not lik too see hairy poter piked on sir. dobby mus not heer enimor abot u givig hairy poter a hard tim sir. dobby wants hairy potter too bee hapy at scool.

tank u sir.

luv,
dobby

s.p. dobby has carfally studeed forms of email riting sir an dobby hops tat dobbys email is essy too reed.

s.p.p. dobby is prowd too rite lik a free elf.

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Headmaster:
I have made my complaint already -- House Elves should not be allowed to access the computer. The liberties granted to them now are enough (weekends off, a Galleon a month). I fear that too much power will go to their heads.
Severus.

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Severus:
I have taken the matter into consideration and have spoken to Dobby about sending emails. However, since he is an employee, he must spend his hour on the computer.
On a completely unrelated note, I see you have taken quite applicably to the computer. Your account is quite active, and you always manage to answer every one of your emails. I'm proud.
Albus.

Dear Professor Snivellus,
Knowing very well that you will get after me for my bad grammer, I just want to say that I don't give a damn if the grammar in my e-mail bothers you. In fact, it gives me great pleasure to know that something bothers or angers you. :P

Anyway, I guess I must admit that I'm a slight fan of your's. However, I still find you terribly annoying at times. Your treatment of Sirius Black is unbearable. I feel deeply for Sirius Black because of the torment he endured in Azkaban, and is still enduring today. Though he is a bit outspoken (I'm sorry, but his insults to you are hilarious!!!) that still doesn't give you the right to tease him about being locked up in that horrible home of his. SNIVELLUS!!!! Sorry, I just had to write that in caps. :P You are cruel and mean, but there are some admirable qualities about you.

1.Your loyalty to Dumbledore.

2.Your choice of clothing.

3.Your dramatic entrances and prescence! HAHA!

4.The way you speak.

5.The mystery of your character and past.

And umm...I can't think of anymore.

Well, there are a great deal more of things I dislike about you than there are that I admire about you. But, though it is hard to type, you are still an admirable enough man. You know where your loyalties lie even if you do hold pathetic and childish grudges against people of your own side.

That is all.

Sincerely,

A-Not-So-Devoted-But-Very-Abusive-Fan

p.s. You know, if I had ever been taught by you, I would have given you the time of your life (meaning: I would have given you H-E-L-L to deal with!!!). Just thought you'd like to know. hehe.

p.p.s. My sister is a great admirer of you. I don't know how one can be obsessed over such an absurd professor. :P J/K

p.p.s. You probably don't care to know this bit of useless knowledge, but I'll bother you with it anyways. I own a website completely dedicated to Sirius Black (everyone's favorite ex-convict!).

p.p.p.s. Just kidding! I have no more internet time to waste on you. :P

***

To:[email protected]
From: [email protected]

Should I ever find out where you live, I shall hex you out of existance for using that asinine, childish nickname. Muggle Protection Act be damned.

I do not care for your approval or disapproval of my personal characteristics. I would rather wish that people would stop telling me how they feel. I do not care! Do you really believe that constant positive reinforcement is why I act the way I do? Rest assured, Fool. I sleep no easier at night knowing millions of fangirls approve of my 'dramatic presences' and 'choice of clothing'.

Your sister is as annoying as you. Both of you would have recieved detentions and\or point deductions should I have had the *pleasure* of teaching you both.

Leave me alone,

Professor S. Snape.