I Can Teach You How To....

Things that I wish Snape could teach us...but are probably not on the Ministry's syllabus. Suggestions, as always, are welcome, and even encouraged.

I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO....

  1. play Monopoly and win.
  2. brew beer.
  3. clog dance.
  4. do the Time Warp, again.(Pay attention this time, Longbottom).
  5. play the spoons.
  6. speak ebonics.
  7. be Black. (either the culture or Sirius Black. Your choice.)
  8. play Magic the Gathering.
  9. use prepositional phrases correctly
  10. dance if you want to.
  11. inflict the Poke of Doom.
  12. count cards.
  13. hack into computers.
  14. hack into the Matrix.
  15. enter the Matrix.
  16. be a Pokemon master.
  17. catch 'em all.
  18. summon Exodia the Forbidden One.
  19. kill the wabbit.
  20. hunt the wumpus.
  21. be a Death Eater.
  22. be a producer. (And have a hit show on Broadway)
  23. win a beauty paegent.
  24. doo-doo Bohemian Rhapsody.
  25. play the harp.
  26. jam (on a ecklectic guitar).
  27. turn into a mindless bunch of slo...oh wait. Never mind. You don't need my help.
  28. play soccer.
  29. play Quidditch. (Yes Potter, I do have some experience).
  30. produce your own amateur film.
  31. dress with style and flair.
  32. model eveniing gowns.
  33. market your own line of products.
  34. write blank verse.
  35. syncronize swim.
  36. sing various show tunes.
  37. dance the jitterbug
  38. walk like an Egyptian.
  39. get rid of the ring in the bathtub.
  40. write love poetry
  41. build a website.
  42. make friends.
  43. blow bubbles.
  44. start your own band.
  45. lose weight.
  46. casterate cows.
  47. inflict the touch of death.
  48. run for congress\parliment.
  49. posess people (and control their minds)
  50. shake your groove thing.
  51. speak German
  52. talk with a Southern accent
  53. write your own book *holds up his book --Being Me, avaliable on Amazon.com* [NOT REALLY]
  54. read music
  55. take over a radio station ("We have won! We have the radio!")
  56. play the ukelele
  57. get away with murder
  58. get the best deals on your potion ingredients. (There's a little shop off of Knockturn alley that no one knows about...)
  59. design your room in Feng Shui
  60. act Shakespeare -- believably.
  61. win on Survivor.
  62. overcome your dormant limbido

  63. get on Jeopdary (but whether you'll win or not is in doubt)

 

 

 

 

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