101 Ways To Annoy Professor Snape
I must say, this is BASED ON the original list by Amanda (you can find it on this site). I am in no way taking anything from her wonderful list....These are all mine! If you use them anywhere, anyhow, please site them as "Ellyndia McGovern III's Annoying Professor Snape." And tell me too, if you use them.
'Kay? Let's go.
1. Insist that he and Lockhart do a comtemplation CD.
2. Insist that you and him do a comtemplation CD.
3. Jump at him and pull at his hair, trying to take the "wig" off, while shouting "Now we'll see who you REALLY are!"
4. "DO THE HUSTLE!" (hum and dance, just make sure he sees you).
5. "Oh, Professor- you're just so misunderstood."
6. Shout "FOOD FIGHT!" in Potions, and throw your ingrediants at Snape. Have others help.
7. Shout "FOOD FIGHT" in the Great Hall during meals. Make sure your food hits Snape.
8."My Potions teacher has a first name, it's S-e-v-e-r-u-s! My Potions teacher has a second name it's S-n-a-p-e!....."
9. Talk witph a lispth.
10. Play Solitaire in Potions.
11. Build a House of Cards in Potions.
12. Get one of those little finger skateboards and play with it, using the inside of the cauldron as your surface.
13. Before class, play Anagrams with his name on the board
14. Or play Hangman or Pictionary on the board.
15. Take him on a makeover show! (Daytime talk!)
16. Rant and rave about the latest story line on "One Life to Live". During class.
17. Get mad that his class is making you "miss your stories".
18. Redecorate his room by applying to "While You Were Out" - the TV show.
19. Decorate his living quarters in red and gold, with a lion motif.
20. On the first day, walk over to him, and say "Professor Snape! Hello there! I've heard so much about you! *shake his hand vigerously*
21. Or alternately, "I'm your biggest fan!"
22. "My God! How long has it been since you cleaned this place?"
23. "Do you know how boring you really are?"
24. Start a rally - "Down with Potions! Down with Potions!"
25. Or: "Quidditch Forever! Potions Never!"
26. Picket in front of his classroom.
27. At dinner, stand up, use the Sonorus charm, and scream, "I LOVE YOU PROFESSOR SNAPE!!"
28. "Dungeons went out with the 17th century, Professor."
29. After handing him a business card with a interior designer on it, say "She is really good, Professor. I've had her design most of my house. She'll bring some life into this room."
30. Pat his head comfortingly.
31. "Don't you get hot in all that black?"
32. "What you have against colors, anyway?"
33. "Don't tell me- you're a techie at heart, aren't you?" (theatre reference)
34. If you're Harry Potter, and he asks you why you haven't done your homework, say "I was busy avoiding death for the umpteenth time."
35. File your nails while saying the above line, like its nothing.
36. If he asks you why you didn't do your homework, say "I was busy saving the world."
37. "Who does your hair?"
38. "I don't care what people say- You are a Gemini. Now, don't deny it. I've read about these things."
39. Come in to class really worried. Should he talk to you, look and him at say, "You poor man." He will say other things, or course, but continue: "I read your cards last night, Professor. I never knew, never suspected...." Leave him hanging.
40. "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!"
41. "STOP TOUCHING ME!" Preferably when no one is touching you.
42. Should he ask you for your homework, comment: "I so accurately measured the momentum of my homework that it could be anywhere."
43. Mispronounce his name- say "Professor Snap"
44. "Yo Professor S, wazzup G-Dog!" Then hold out your hand for him to slap (in that unique way). When he doesn't complete the shake, say "Hey Professor! Don't leave me hangin'!"
45. "So- when is YOUR movie coming out?"
46. As you leave his class (or a detention) turn to him, and wiggle your fingers, saying "Toodaloo!"
47. Or blow him a kiss as you leave- whichever you prefer.
48. "YEEEEEEHAWWWWWHHH!" (for you Southerners out there)
49. Ask him to spell his name-slowly, multiple times thorughout the years
50. End every sentence with "ya know?"
51. Should he disagrees with anything you say, say "Nuh-uh!"
52. Find postcards from Snape, England. Send them to him.
53. Or- visit Snape, England. Show him your pictures- including you standing in front of the classic "Welcome to Snape, England!" sign.
54. If you're Harry Potter: "Dumbledore believed me and not you! Nah nah nah nah nah-ah!" Dance in a stupid circle around him then run like hell!
55. Sing: "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T - I mean S-M-A-R-T!"
56. "Is that your final answer?"
57. "Eat my shorts!"
58. Run into his class during school, (or if you're very gutsy, during a class) very paniked, like it's an emergency. Lead him outside, then point up to a cloud and say "That looks just like you sir!" (Even better, there are no clouds)
59. In the middle of class, yawn loudly, pull out a pillow, put your feet on your desk, and adjust yourself untill you feel confomrtable. Should he ask what you are doing, just reply "I''m just getting comfortable, Professor."
60. Yawn REALLY LOUDLY in class.
61. "So-where's your cool hat?" (Refering to McG's cool hat in the movie)
62. "Can I borrow a Galleon?"
63. Take his hands, sling him around so fast in circles until both of you fall. Then giggle, saying "oh, Sev! that was so fun!"
64. Ask him after class "Sir, with all due respect, I would request that you stay out of my dreams in the future. I have been losing vauable rest due to your untimely interruptions."
65. (Give him some face time with Sweet Lady Brick)
66. Sing "Potions Potions Man! I want to be a Potions Man!" (Macho Man- Village People)
67. Talk to yourself in class. Loudly.
68. Write essays, pass notes, or (if you're gutsy) speak to him in another language. (It can be fake, or a real one. My favorite is French)
69. Spray the floor or the walls with bug spray. Warn Professor Snape "not to lick the floor or walls for awhile."
70. Dare your buddies to eat the random Potions ingredients.
71. Write your essays in Newspeak.
72. Sneak into his room. Torch his bedsheets, then throw water on the bed, drenching both the fire and him. When he yells, say "But you were on fire!"
73. In his presence, speak only nonsense words. Act like you're having an animated discussion.
74. Say you lost your voice and can't take the oral exam today. (Either by potion or not- you're choice)
- Feel free to enjoy the irony of this sstatement.
75. "Okay, okay, we KNOW you're not gay. You can wear this tye-dye t-shirt, and no one will say otherwise..."
76. Get a cheap goldfish (like from a fair). Name it Professor Snape. Wait until it dies, then the next day at school announce very loudly, full of grief, "Professor Snape is dead!" Feel free to wail, cry, ect. Make sure he overhears this.
77. Look at him admiringly during class, and randomly say "Wow..."
78. After he makes a point, yell out, "Amen to that!" or "Hallelulia!"
79. Ask him about the Muggle sensation "Harry Potter"- and whether Rickman did a good job portraying him.
80. Because he probably hasn't seen it, offer to take him to see the HP movie. (Offer to buy him an extra large popcorn!)
81. "So- what is karma-sutra anyway?"
82. Leave on his desk the Five of Cups from a Tarot card deck- with a note that says "Looks familiar?"(You have to see it to believe the resemblence).
83. Give him a little snowglobe of Snape, England. (If they have them. If they don't replace with another cheap piece of merchandise- but make sure it says "Snape, England" on it)
84. Come into class with mime makeup, fake vampre teeth, black cloak (even go "blah, blah, blah") Ask loudly "Hey! Do I have the whole vampire thing right, Professor?"
85. Wait till class begins. Yell outside the door "It's a bird! Its a plane! No- its-" Then burst into the door, wearing a Superman costume, and say "SUPERMAN!" Stand with hands on hips, very important. Then go and sit (with a furl of your cape). Pretend nothing unusual happened. Ask a person near you "So- what are we doing? Did he give back the tests yet?"
86. Get one of those candy hearts that says "Marry me?" on it. You know what to do.
87. Offer to redecorate his room in Feng Shui style.
88. Announce your engagement to him at dinner. Have some friends to congradulate you- just enough so that he rest of the studens thinks it real.
89. Or even better- announce you're pregnant - "And HE's the father!" (pointing directly at Snape)
90. Get him caught in a Chinese finger trap.
91. "Hey, Snape! Come smell these towels! They're clean!"
92. Get a bunch of girls together (preferably the giggling, jumpy, kind) go to his office, and ask "Can you teach us Occlumency, sir?"
93. Tack up a huge sign-up list in the Great Hall for Occlumency lessons "6pm in Snape's office- BE THERE! "
94. Don't actually go to the meeting -- rather wait by the corner and see the huge gaggle of students waiting by the door-- and Snape's face when he finds out why they're all there!
95. Actually print cards announcing your engagement to him -- and send them to everyone (but him, of course)
96. "Hey- Snape! What am I thinking now?"
97. "C'mon! Read my mind! Pleeeeeeeeeeese?"
98. "You make me wanna retch!"
99. Conga-line into class..
100. Break into his rooms at midnight. Get into his refrigerator, and start digging through it, eating random things. Make sure you make a lot of noise so he comes in and sees you stuffing your face by the light of the refigerator.
101. "Admit it, sir-- you moonlight as a Muggle Chemistry teacher!"