Mr Perfect – Part Seventeen: Lion’s Den

Disclaimer: ....meh

-wallows in the corner of self-loathing- ;-; I am so sorry...

Myez, and thanks to Margo-chan... Who all but dictated the chapter to me x.x -glomps her- I swear, I have the best beta in the world...

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Miroku was on the verge of shedding tears of joy when the plane finally hit the asphalt of the runway, and he thanked his lucky stars that he had paid for first class seating. As soon as the flight attendants informed him he could remove his seat belt, he did so, grabbed his suitcase, and ran.

Not that first class was that much better than coach. Had they not been getting paid, Miroku had the vague idea that the flight attendants would have jumped him. Multiple times. So, as soon as the plane landed and the gates of heaven opened, Miroku was out of there. Slipping back on his incognito glasses and hat, Miroku crept around the fake bushes and chairs. The door of hope was in his sight! Just a little farther...

"Gotcha!"

Damn.

"You-" Sesshomaru growled, dragging the delinquent drummer by an ear. "Big trouble."

"Uh..." Miroku stammered, looking for an excuse, "It was Koga's fault!"

"Was not!"

Miroku frowned as the rest of the 'group' walked up. How the hell had they all gotten there?

"Private plane!" Rin chirped, finishing the last of her ice cream. "We got to watch movies! Ever after, and The Little Mermaid, and Aladdin, and..."

"Point is," Sesshomaru continued, ignoring the girl, "We've made it here before you and-"

"Oh my god! It's Fiendish!"

"I do hope you realize that this is entirely your fault," Sesshomaru said calmly, letting go of Miroku's ear and dragging Rin a few steps away.

"Bye bye!" She chirped.

Have you ever watched those safari videos? Or even The Lion King would do; when Mufasa got trampled by the stampede. Yeah.... Imagine that with fangirls.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Ahh!" Miroku yelled, grabbing his suitcase and running for dear life. Oh, how he hated fangirls. Particularly the rabid ones. They were every celebrity's worst nightmare. And now the nightmare was after him. Taking the first available turn, Miroku dived into a closing elevator...

Conveniently filled with the Girl Scouts of America.

"Ah, shit," Miroku muttered, surveying the space full of little girls. Amazingly, none screamed. Miroku sighed a sigh of relief, leaning back against the wall. Six more floors of bliss...

"Excuse me, sir."

"Yes?" Miroku asked, opening one of his eyes.

"Would you like to buy a cookie?"

...A cookie?

"Umm... No thank you." He declined politely, closing his eyes once more.

"But... It goes to a good cause."

"I'm not hungry."

Bad, bad choice.

"Oh, I see. You're too rich to care about others' well-being, is that it?"

"No," Miroku said carefully, sizing up the little girl. If need be, he could take her on easily.

"You have money. Don't think we haven't seen you on those magazine covers."

"Yeah!" A chorus of little girls agreed, nodding their little green-topped heads.

"Just a single box can help millions!"

"Fine...fine." Miroku sighed, taking out his wallet. "One box." He carefully took out a ten and handed it to the little girl. She smiled.

"God bless you."

There, problem solved.

"Excuse me?"

"Sir!"

"Buy from me too!"

"Just one box!"

For the longest time, Miroku has thought there was nothing worst then a raging fan girl... More then twenty years of his life had been a lie.

"I don't have that much money!" Miroku cried out as he was backed into a corner.

"Just a box!"

"Please?!"

Resisting the urge to scream, Miroku covered his ears from the chorus of tiny girls. He was somehow reminded of that doll, Chuckie...

"Here! Take it!" Miroku threw down his wallet and watched in horror as the seemingly harmless children leapt at it, tearing at each other's badges to get the money inside... Scary. Using the wallet as a distraction, Miroku jumped and rolled out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened... Right into the lion's den.

"I've got his leg!!"

"Let me touch him!"

"Ahh! Lemme go!" Miroku yelled, pulling random body parts free. In his attempt to escape, he dropped his suitcase. Oh well; a necessary sacrifice.

"I got Miroku's Drum Sticks!!!"

....Aw hell no.

"These are mine," Miroku ground out, snatching his beloved sticks back, "Thank you very much."

"Oh my gawd! He touched me!!!!"

Rolling his eyes, Miroku continued his dash outside, not missing the piercing scream of "I got his underwear!" Rubbing his face with one hand, Miroku flagged down the first taxi he saw and hopped in.

"Drive! Just drive!"

The driver gave him a look over before raising an eyebrow. "My place or yours?"

-

And at that exact moment....

-

"Don't you just love these reservations?" Kuranosuke asked, lifting his glass. "Next to a window and everything."

"Mmhmm..." Sango said unenthusiastically and tapped her glass with his.

"And this wine..." he added, watching Sango down the drink, "I must have spent half my fortune on it." Kuranosuke leaned over to pat Sango on the back as she started choking.

"Well... It's excellent wine." Sango nodded, clearing her throat.

"Perhaps you would prefer water?"

"No, no... I'm fine." Sango sighed and looked out the window.

"Sorry if it's not my place to say, but you seem a bit distracted lately."

"You could say that again..." Sango mumbled, idly moving her potatoes around with her fork. She glanced up at the sound of screeching tires and watched a taxi zoom by the window. If she didn't know any better, Sango could have sworn it was Miroku shouting directions to the driver...

-

"Turn it around!" Miroku yelled, causing the driver to wince.

"Chill! You just told me to lose those girls."

"Well... We can lose them later!" Miroku yelled, rubbing his face once again with his palms. They were getting farther and farther away from where he'd spotted Sango and Miroku was getting desperate. "My fiancee is in that restaurant!"

"Woah!" The driver hit the brakes hard. Miroku flew forward, banging his head on the back of the seat.

"Shit..."

"Well, why didn't you say so?"

"Because...uh.." Miroku grasped for a logical, believable reason. "Because she's married!"

"...Jigga wha?"

"Oh, it's a tragic tale." Miroku sighed, laying on his back, "Her husband... He's.... A vegetable."

"No!"

"Yes! She'd divorce him, but she feels so horrible about his current state, she simply can't bring herself to do it!"

"And so... You've been..."

"Yes... We've been seeing each other... In order to ease her pain. And, we've fallen in love! We'll marry as soon as her husband's parents take him off of life-support."

Miroku waited for the driver's reaction.

"That's so... so.... Sweet!"

Miroku sighed a sigh of relief and watched the world spin as his driver spun the car around.

"Don't worry! I'll get you to her!"

-

"Sango?" Kuranosuke asked as his date stood up. "What's wrong?" Sango merely pointed mutely at the window as the taxi she had just seen pulled up in front of the door. And who but Mr. Perfect himself happened to climb out of the back seat?

"Is that that drummer?" Kuranosuke asked, also rising to his feet. He frowned when Miroku broke out into a grin and started waving frantically. Sango automatically lifted her hand in shock and Miroku held up a finger

Wait.

And so she waited while Miroku took his good ol' time walking into the restaurant and up to her. And poor Kuranosuke... Tsk tsk. He simply stood there gaping as Miroku gave his 'woman' a big dramatic kiss, complete with the dipping and the head moving and everything. Dreamy sigh.

Sango flushed with embarrassment at the current situation... What was she supposed to say to him- either of the hims present!?

Apparently, nothing.

"C'mon," Miroku urged, taking the matchmaker's hand and leading her away. And what of her date? It took the poor lug a few moments to realize he'd just been had. Abandoning his oh-so-perfect reservations, Kuranosuke stormed out after them.

"Hey! Sango!"

"Sorry Kura-kun," Miroku answered with false cheerfulness as he helped a still flabbergasted Sango into the waiting cab. Looking back down the road, Miroku visibly paled before jumping in after Sango, slamming the taxi door shut and yelling to the driver to step on it.

"Sango, I'll-"

"THERE HE GOES!"

"EE! Miroku!!!"

"Wait! Sign your underwear for me!"

"Father my babies!"

Hmm... Lessee. Adidas, Nike, Puma, Sketchers, Parade, Vans... Kuranosuke must have seen at least a dozen different brands of shoe as they trampled over him. Poor Guy.

"...call you."

-

"So!" The driver commented after they were on their merry way, "I'm Jakotsu! You're the fiancee, right?"

Sango nodded absently, wincing as she watched Kuranosuke got stampeded on over her shoulder. "Yes I'm the....eh?"

"Oh, come now darling," Miroku cooed, tapping Sango under the chin, "Don't be so shy."

"But..but..." Sango stammered, turning red as Miroku began to nuzzle her neck. Annoyed, Sango looked up to find the driver's eyes staring at them from the rearview mirror.

"Hey, you're that matchmaker, right?"

"Sure," Sango conceded, still attempting to push off the over-affectionate drummer.

"Think you can find me a cutiepie like him?"

"Uh...." Sango gulped. She'd never hooked up a guy with a guy before... "I can...try?"

"Perfect!" Jakotsu sighed again, turning the corner happily.

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Remember kiddes, Queeni loves you -grin--grin-

Note: Margo's put me on a schedule x.x I feel like cattle....