Fated To Die – Part Three: Rejected

His feet brought him to a high cliff. Because he couldn't sleep, he had been moving day and night with hardly any rest. His legs were aching from the constant strain, his body ready to collapse into itself. He stood at the edge of the cliff and gazed down at the dizzying height. All he needed was to lean over for it to all end. He could already feel gravity pulling at him, inviting him down. His staff fell from his hands. He tottered back and forth; his legs had no more strength. If only he would lean forward, then it would all end. He wouldn't have to worry about the Wind Tunnel consuming him, he wouldn't have to go each day tortured by the memory of Sango. It could all go away in an instant. But when his knees buckled, he collapsed on his back instead.

He lay sprawled on the grass, staring up at the clear blue sky with tears of disappointment streaming down his cheeks. He had been so close, so close to dying and it hadn't happened. Every part of him was ready to give up but it just didn't happen. He was far too tired to roll himself over the cliff. He would have to recover his strength some before he could meet death. His eyelids drooped heavily. He didn't want to sleep, didn't want to dream, but his body had finally conquered his will. His eyes closed and he fell into a deep sleep that he hoped he would never wake out of.

Sango was growing weaker by the day. She couldn't get very much food in her system and she felt the need to travel more than rest. In her mind, a moment of rest meant a moment that she could be searching for Miroku had been wasted. When she slept it was always fretful, her eyes snapping open unexpectedly, thinking that Miroku was suddenly back. She would always be disappointed when she found out this wasn't so, and she would get up to continue her search. It was hard to wake up sometimes, she was so tired. The constant doubts that egged at her didn't make things any easier. The only thing she knew for certain was that she would somehow find him again. She had no idea where or when, or what he would do.

She came to a cliff and saw a person lying in the grass. She had just finished crying, so her vision was temporarily blurred. She wiped her eyes and saw the person more clearly. Her weapon dropped out of her hands. She stood there staring at the figure, not daring to hope and yet hoping nonetheless. Was she dreaming? Was this real? Her heart pattered in her chest, and as she gazed at him her heart filled with more love than before. She drew closer and saw that his eyes were closed. She suddenly felt weak in the knees, assuming he had died. She moaned in despair. So she had arrived late after all, and he was lost to her forever. She fell to her knees and wept bitterly.

The sound of someone crying brought him out of his sleep. He opened his eyes and sat up, shaking his weary head. He turned around and nearly fell of the cliff in shock. There was his love, his life kneeling in the grass weeping. He longed to go to her and put his arms around her, but he knew it would do him no good in the end. She still looked as beautiful as ever, but her clothes looked worn out. Had she been following him all this time? The thought surprised him. If she came, where were the others? Why had she come by herself? He sat staring at her for a while, basking in her beauty. He then heaved a heavy sigh and took up his staff. Sango recognized the sound, and looked up. Her eyes were red from the tears, but her lips soon broke into a smile.

"Oh, Miroku! You're alive!" His heart broke when he saw that smile. He wanted desperately to take her in his arms and never let her out of his sight again, to shower her blessed face with kisses, to tell her that he loved her. But he did none of these things. He stood there and stared at her, glad that she was there and yet wishing she hadn't followed him. Sango was shaking, so relieved to be with the man she loved again. She ran towards him but he stepped away from her. She paused, giving him a hurt look.

"Where are the others?" he asked. Out of all the things he wanted to say to her, that was all that came out. I've missed you more than anything, I love you with all my heart, you are so beautiful... Why are you here? He could tell from her face that the question hurt her.

"Miroku, I've been so worried about you. Is that all you can say?"

"You shouldn't be here," he told her, though in his heart he felt the exact opposite. "Go back."

"Don't make me leave you!" she cried. "I love you, Miroku!" Those three precious words had been the ones he'd been fearing and hoping she would say for a long time. He was the last person to deserve the love of such a wonderful woman, and she was the last person that deserved to be left alone. He couldn't do that to her; he had to do what was best for her, no matter how much it hurt him to do it.

"Sango, I can't stay with you and the others any longer. You must go back, and not follow me." He was shattering his own heart into a million pieces by saying so, but there was no other choice. He hated to see her gaze at him with her beautiful eyes full of love and pain. He hated to see her weep over him, and he would especially hate to break her heart, but he would rather her be broken for a while instead of forever. My death would only destroy her if I allow her to love me, he reasoned.

"I won't go! I want to stay here with you!"

"No, Sango, you mustn't."

"I must!" she insisted, and threw her arms around him before he could stop her. He returned the embrace tenderly, wanting and not wanting it to end. He chocked back a sob. This woman that he loved and longed for cared for him in return. He never wanted to let go, and yet knew he had to. He brought his hands to her shoulders and shoved her back.

"Stay away from me, Sango! Don't come near me again!" He turned and slid down the cliff so he wouldn't have to see her any longer. Hot tears escaped his eyes. His body was already aching to feel hers pressed close again, and his lips wanted to kiss hers. He reached the bottom of the cliff and started pulling off the rings from his staff so he would no longer make any noise. He sobbed the whole time, wishing he hadn't had to do that to Sango. Once all the rings were removed he started walking, trying to put as much distance between himself and Sango as he could.

"I love you too, Sango," he whispered. "I love you more than anything else in the world, which is why I cannot allow you to be with me. I'm so desperately sorry." He could hear her screaming out his name in anguish, but he did not stop. He kept on going, tears stinging his cheeks.

Sango had pressed her body against his just as she had imagined. She was thrilled when he returned the embrace. Maybe all of her doubts had been for nothing, and he truly cared about her in return. She rubbed her cheek on his chest and sighed happily. This was where she was meant to be, where she would be truly happy. Then his hands moved to her shoulders and he pushed her away. She fell on her bottom hard, knocking the wind out of her. She sat there staring at him, hurt and confused. It had felt so right, so wonderfully perfect being held in his arms, and she could feel that he wanted her there. Why, then, did he push her away? His handsome face stared at her, his eyes wild and frightened.

"Stay away from me, Sango! Don't come near me again!" he shouted. He turned and slid down the cliff, leaving Sango to watch the shattered remains of her heart crush into dust. After all that searching, all that worry, all of those hopes, things had turned out exactly as she had feared: he didn't want her. She was too hurt to cry. She hugged herself and rocked back and forth. He hadn't even reacted to her declaration of love. He just kept telling her to go away, and when she wouldn't he pushed her. He had looked frightened... frightened of what? Why was he doing this? She told him she loved him; why had he been so calloused that he didn't even acknowledge that?

"Miroku!" she screamed in anguish. "Miroku!" The words echoed on the wind.

Rejected, denied, cast aside by the one man she loved most in the world. The world had been cruel enough to take him away from her. Now he was denying her the love she wanted from him so badly, the love she thought he wanted as well. When she gazed into his eyes she thought she saw some inner turmoil raging in those dark orbs. He looked frightened and sad, and she detected no malice in his words. She wondered what she could have possibly done that made him change his mind about her. Her heart was too crushed, far too wounded, and she wasn't sure she wanted to live if she wasn't with Miroku. She sank down into the grass and remembered how his body had felt. In that brief moment of happiness before she was utterly destroyed, she felt more alive and like herself than she had in a long time. But now she was nothing but a shell of a person.

"Miroku," she whispered, the name bringing tears of loneliness. "Miroku... Miroku..."

Now there was truly nothing left for him to live for. He could not go back to Sango, not now or ever. He knew he had crushed her, and perhaps even killed her emotionally. He hated to leave her thinking he didn't love her, but it was much better for her to think so than to live without him. He crushed not only her heart and hopes, but his as well. They would be nothing without each other, but his death would destroy her, and he didn't want that to happen. The wound he inflicted on her would heal in time and maybe she would even learn to live without him. As for himself, she was all he would think of until he was finally killed by the Wind Tunnel. The only thing he regretted was that he had never kissed her. He wanted to, but at the last minute he couldn't.

Dying and yet still somehow alive, he allowed the tears to come. Fate was a cruel thing in his eyes. It had doomed him to die since the day he was born, but in between it saw fit to torture him by allowing him to fall in love. That just made the curse of the Wind Tunnel even harder for him to bear. Love is wasted on the dying, he thought. He couldn't survive without Sango's love, but he wasn't going to be surviving anyway, so it didn't matter any longer. He had no idea where he was going. He had no destination in mind and no reason to go anywhere. He just kept going, on and on, further and further. There was still a trace of her warmth on his body. He had felt her rubbing her head on his chest, and for the briefest moment he thought maybe he didn't have to leave. But the moment passed, and he took leave of her.

"Until my very last breath, I will love you, dearest Sango," he vowed.

"I won't give up," said Sango, rising to her feet. There had been something wrong with Miroku that made him act unlike himself. Maybe he really did love her, but it was that something that made him push her away. "I'll keep coming back to you until I know what's wrong. Even if you push me away a hundred times, I'll still come back to you. I love you that much." With that she stood up and started climbing down the cliff.