to recover. I was suffering from a list of strange symptoms and after many doctor visits, visits to specialists and every test you could imagine....there were still no answers. At one point it was thought that there was something in our new home that was making me ill...but because nobody else in our home was sick...the doctors soon began to suggest that I should seek counseling and prescribed anti-depressants. I knew this wasn't in my head....I had worked hard since I was 14 years old in a job that demanded I be on my feet for 8-10 hours a day, but now I couldn't walk up a single set of stairs. The only thing I was depressed about was that I just knew I was going to die of something terrible before anyone could ever figure out that there really was something wrong with me. I began spending many hours a day on the internet researching my symptoms and Multiple Sclerosis was one the thing that seemed to keep coming up. I got the name of a Neurologist who specialized in MS from a woman I had met that had MS and made an appointment to see him. At my appointment, the Doctor examined me and said there was no way I had MS, but I refused to leave his office until he ordered the MRI's. Six weeks later, we were called into his office to get the results from my tests.....I did indeed have MS. At first I felt relieved.....I had feared I had a brain tumor or something so the diagnosis of MS didn't seem so bad.....atleast it wasn't going to kill me....but now, when my MS is really bad....it occures to me that I DO have to live with this for the rest of my life......and it can be a very scary thought especially now that I am on my own. When your married and have children, atleast you have the security of knowing your spouse will be there for you. I am raising three teenagers and living with a permanent disability of which "stress" is enemy #1......and I will admit there are days I feel as though I cannot take this anymore.....but God always is there, giving me enough energy to get through and helping me to realize that I am far stronger than I could have ever imagined.
I get that question alot....imagine having a 5 gallon bucket of concrete on each of your arms and legs 24/7, painful muscle cramps that do not go away, vision loss, numbness, tingling, itching, memory loss, trouble swallowing, cognative issues, bladder problems, IBS, loss of coordination, confusion.....those are pretty much the daily issues for me, there are periods I have to use a cane, and others I have been stuck in bed...but I have been blessed, I have not yet had any long term paralasis.
What Does My Future Hold?
Well, thats pretty hard to say....they don't even know what causes MS and there is no cure for it at this point. The doctors treat my symptoms as much as possible and the rest you just have to learn to live with. There is no way to know if I will someday be in a wheelchair that's up to God and his will for my life...I just pray I don't have to face it alone forever.
