October/2/2005

I had no idea what I was going to write about tonight so I'm winging it. Today I worked in Childrens Church, Tom showed up late for church...that's okay :-) After church a lady stopped me in the hall and said... "I was really happy to see your husband had joined the church this morning." I said..... "do what?" The lady said.... "He joined the church". I said.... "he did?" Well let's just say it was a kodak moment for me. Deanna is her name, I think I'm a happy camper.

I wished he had been there for Sunday School.... it was really interresting. The lesson was about "Are you Saved"? Well.... yes I am and proud of it! We had a speaker today and he and his wife Joe and Tammie Forman.... this couple is going through a rough time as we are..... Joe has colon Cancer, he has already had 7 surgeries, he has done his Radiation and he is on his break right now. We still have about 4 more days.... YEEEA! Then 3 weeks break and then right to Chemo.

If you look back to the poem I wrote called Walking in the Valley and how dark and gray it is.... well you know what? We are almost out of that gray valley.... I can not wait to be in a valley that has the sun shinning, blue skies, flowers.... even tho it will be just for a short time... for 3 weeks....but we will be there....then we have to go through another dark valley..... this one will be the hardest.

My mom keeps telling me, "Linda it won't get any better, it will get harder." I'm finding that out. Today after church Tom was having trouble walking, his feet are soooo swollen, his head.... he said his head feels wierd , I asked him how does it feel? He just said wierd he is scared and so am I. If he takes his Steroid every 6 hrs. his head doesn't hurt but he gets the swelling, if he cuts back on it to every 12 his head hurts really bad and the swelling isn't as bad.... but now.... the headaches are back with a vengence... and he is taking the meds every 6 hrs.

How can I keep going? How? I go off and cry and cry and cry....It is just about time for a melt down.... I'm trying to find a job... nothing yet. I keep asking God.....Why? Why is this happening? Why is my husband, my bestfriend, the father of my children sick?

I keep telling myself.... I can not wait for all this to be over... then we can get on with our lives... well that's all for now.