October/20/2005

Tom went to the doc this morning... I'm soooooo nervous, he had an X-Ray the other day. Tom is not feeling good at all, his feet are swollen, his head, he said it feels like he caught a head cold.... he is sleeping right now. Both kids are sick with either colds or Allergies... nasty stuff.

I got up feelen good.... did some deep cleaning, cleaned my base boards.... I have 3 more rooms to tackle. You know.... I got to thinking about how when God calls us.... how deep cleaned are we? I know I'm not but working on it... How clean is our hearts? If our hearts are not clean the more dirt will pile up... It is a job on keeping our hearts, mind and spirit clean hu? I do know one thing, I have few cob webs I need to work on. :-) My minde, my Spirit. My spirit has been low these couple a days... and when that happenes I'm not in the best of moods and I take it out on everyone..... I don't mean too... I really don't :-( Man sometimes I get to thinking about the past and sometimes it is really hard to let go of the past. When Tom goes....He will be in the past... How can I let go of that? People will be saying... you need to move on.... yes I know I will need to move on... how long does that take? I can not do this.... my mom says I can... sometimes I'm not strong.... my mom says I am...

Sometimes I feel like I'm walking in the dark valley ALL BY MYSELF, sometimes I feel like it is going to get darker and darker to where I can't see what is in front of me.... that scares me.

I was just reading a card that someone had given Tom.... here is what is on the inside.

"May God's hands lift you towards good health once again, very soon."

All we can do is say "Thank you God for another day"