November/21/2005

Today I went back to Green Country for my follow up. I will be on a treatment that will help me with my depression and anger. I don't know why I'm angery and I don't know who to be angry at, all I know is that it is not healthy. This lady will help me with greavens, this lady that did my follow up said that is what I'm experiencing and that it is normal, how can that be normal? She said alot of people go through that even thou their loved one hasn't died. She also said the ones who grieve sooner, it makes it easyer to move on... how can that be normal? I don't see anything NORMAL about it! All I know is that it makes me angry to be feel this way... I'm supposed to be happy! I can walk around all day prentending to be happy, with a smile on my face.... but deep down I'm not, I'm sad.... and I'm scared.

Before I left for my appointment this morning, Tom had a really bad headache, it started at 8:30 and when I got home he still had it and it was going on 12 and then almost an hr. later he still had it. They are getting worse and they are everyday now. I tried to take a nap today but I couldn't, the bad dreams just made me cry. It was about Tom and the tumors was hurting him really bad I had to call some people to come help me get controle of him. I woke up crying and I couldn't stop.... I didn't try to go back to sleep today.