November/1/2005 Part 2

Today was the last straw, I had to go get help. EVERY morning I would wake up angry, and then cry through out the day. I could not go on any more. I had been told 3 times by 3 different people to read the book of Job.... well looks like I'm gonna have to read it. The lady that did my case today was the third person and she said "You are like Job,the rug had been taken out from under his feet and so have you, his world has been turned upside down and so has yours." When I get done reading the book of Job. I'll be posting what it was about. I don't know when I will get started on it, it could be tomorrow, next month or next year..... I just don't know when.

I go back to this place called Green Country Behavioral Health on Nov. 21st. It will be along session. It is from 9:30-11:30. It is for what kind of treatment I will be put on. Also I will be in a group session, and if I miss 3 of them I will not be able to go to the groups and will be put on a waiting list. I don't like the way I feel.... it is awful. I hate being angry all the time, I hate crying all the time, I hate yelling at the ones I love all the time. Kacie is having trouble in school, she doesn't want to listen to her teachers and it is because of the disruption in our home and because of me.... it has really affected her. I hate telling Kacie and Thomas to "SHUT UP"! That is so not healthy, I hate snapping at Tom, I hate asking twice what Tom said, I hate having him to repeat himself because I forgot what he said.... I hate not being able to consintrate, I hate not feeling happy... where is my happy place?! I hate my angery out bursts..... had one this morning. I HATE THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!

To all the care-givers, to all the loved ones out there that are living with someone that has cancer......GO GET HELP A.S.A.P.! Do it before it is too late. I did, and I am!