August/25/2005

Well.... the results came in...Tom got home some where after 12 today. I knew it wasn't good, he was quiet. Tom has 5 brain tumors and fluid on his brain, they can not operate. The Docs. cut off the Chemo, cut back on Radiation and now they are gonna focus in on the tumors in his brain. Tom has all but given up. I'M GONNA LOSE MY BEST FRIEND, the love of my life for 13 yrs, the father of OUR children.

You know what the hardest part is???? I have to try and explain to Kacie and Thomas why daddy is in that stupid box and being lowered in the ground... NOW.... SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME.... HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GONNA DO THIS????! HOW AM I GONNA EXPLAIN THIS TO THEM???!

I don't want to sleep..... I don't want to wake up and find him gone. I can't do this, I can't. I don't know if I can say good bye to my husband.

I love you Tom, I love you with all my heart. I had made a promise to you, I promised to HONOR AND OBYE, I PROMISED to love you, I PROMISED to be with you through sickeness and in health, I PROMISED to grow old with you when you asked me if I would. I'm so honored that you married me and gave me children.... The HARRIS name will go on.