August/22/2005

Yesterday Tom was feeling a little bettter but not good enough to go to church. Today he is feeling a whole lot better. Next Sunday he will be going to church.... YEEEAAA! Last night and Sunday was the first time we prayed as a family. I didn't know how to approach him on this.... well I JUST DID IT! We got in a circle and held hands and prayed. Tom drove himself to CCOM (Cancer Center Of Muskogee), the doc. gave him another Rx for headaches this time. Dr. Cibula asked for an MRI to done, on Tom's PET scan Dr. Taylor saw something but did not follow up on it, Dr. Cibula will do follow ups.

Today.... when Tom got home he told me he thinks the Cancer has spread to his brain..... I had that feeling too. It is really hard for me to to hold back the tears.... right now they are burning my eyes and my stomache is feeling rather sick. Oh God why?? Why did this have to happen to us? We are good people.... why? I was talking to a friend this morning and told her about Tom's headaches.... she told me not to look into the future.... you know, that is really hard to do when you are really worried about your loved one. Tom said if it has gone to his brain.... "GAME OVER"! I DON'T WANT IT TO BE "GAME OVER"! or "WHEN THE FAT LADY SINGS"! It CAN NOT HAPPEN!

God has to help him. I know we are here for a purpose and then we die..... What is Tom's purpose? I want God to let him know why he was put here on this earth and if he full filled his purpose. I know I'm being VERY selfish..... but I can't help it. I PROMISED TO HONOR AND OBEY my husband and yes.... I have done that! I want to grow old with this man, I want this man to be there for OUR children...Kacie(4 yr.) and Thomas(2yr.). For 13 yrs. we have had ups and downs... fights and making ups..... I want some more of the making ups.