For the fun of it!!


The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol
content.

I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.

I don't do drugs anymore because I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.

Sign In Pet Store: Buy one dog, get one flea...

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get
elected.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in
value.

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make
Bloody Marys.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old,
you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see
your rear end without turning around.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits
on the highway?

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss
America?

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been."