Married Students and Couples
Unlike the undergraduate environment, there are a lot of married students and couples in professional school. Being married is a wonderful benefit because of the strong support you receive from your spouse. Being married CAN provide a unique challenge and without proper planning CAN become stressful to your relationship. Although professional school is more time consuming than college, you will find yourself with free time to spend with your spouse. During the first year you will have mainly classes and labs, and your schedule will be reasonably predictable, and will include free time. These are a few perspectives from various married people in professional school; however, you will have your own experiences and will develop your own preferences about how to balance your time between family and school.
Studying- How you utilize your time is up to you. Some people like to keep up everyday while others catch up on the weekends. You should study the way that best suits BOTH you and your spouse. Some married students feel that it is better to keep up so that they can consistently spend time with their families throughout the school year. There has also been the suggestion that you can do a majority of your studying during the day when you are not in class. By treating school like an 8-5 job, you may have more free time when you get home. Some schools (like Dental) have class until later, so this may not always work. Most partners will appreciate knowing your schedule. Some students post a copy of the course schedule so their families know what's going on (this is especially helpful so they, too, can plan around your exam schedule.) Where you study makes a difference as well. Some like to study at home so that they are near their families, others prefer not to study at home. In exchange for more time away, when they are home, all of their time can be devoted to their spouse. Effective studying is paramount, especially when time management is a must. Some students make charts, review question banks, make notecards, and some even ask their significant others to "quiz" them. Simply sitting in class and reading the syllabus generally is not enough to learn the details required do well in professional school. Sometimes taking just a little extra time to write something down saves time spent re-reading and trying to scramble once exams roll around. It is important to assess how well you want to do in school and how much you are willing to sacrifice to maintain those goals. These values vary tremendously among students, married or not.
Logistical Issues-In order to make a smooth transition from where you are right now to San Antonio, it would be helpful to get a lot of the "chores" out of the way before school starts. For example, get settled into your new home or apartment, get up to date medical/dental exams, enroll your kids in school/day care, set up your bank account. Don't forget to do all the things school requries you to do (immunizations, financial aid, etc.) Some have suggested making a list of responsibilities at home, dividing the labor between you and your partner, and then sticking to those responsibilities once school starts. There is time to do dishes, take out the garbage, and have a full life.
Spending Time Together- Some people find it important to completely leave school behind when they spend time with their families, while others find it comforting to talk about school at home. The key is finding the right balance between the two, and communication is key. It is also important not to place values on either partner's commitments. Working/staying home, etc. is no more or less important than you going to professional school, and appreciation of each other will lead to better understanding. Once again, keep your family informed of what's going on at school: whether or not what you have to do is academic, if exams are just around the corner...
Spouses of First Year Students- Spouses of students are just as diverse as are professional school students. Some work, some go to school, some work at home and raise children, etc. If you are planning to work, it is important to start scouting job opportunities (and child care if necessary) early. If you go to school, the most difficult thing will be trying to find time when both you and your spouse have free time at the SAME time. Often, one person will have exams when the other person just got through. However, you can definitely make it work. Sometimes it is easier to study if you are both in school, since you both have to do it.
Living Apart- Thsi can create a lot of stress for you and your spouse. Seeing each other on weekends, if possible, is a very good idea. This is very possible, especially if you are within a 3-hour distance from each other. While apart, communication becomes more important. Your long distance bills may be high, but talking frequently is important. Some of the financial burden may be relieved if you both have access to email, or if you have a great wireless phone plan with a lot of night & weekend minutes to spare. There's no substitute for hearing each other's voice. If you must fly to see each other, reserve plane tickets early, or look for deals. Some students find that although it's a little costly, it's worth the price.
Being married is great! Just remember what your priorities are! If you ever get too stressed, don't hesitate to talk things over with the people at the Counseling Service. They offer, without charge, both individual and marriage counseling, and have helped many students. |
