But that being all so well for the Federation didn't change the fact that...well...he was still bored to tears. Kaya had decided to use the time to go through the ship from A to Z. At least she was entertained. He had tried to use some holo time, but that didn't work. He had come to the conclusion, that he simply wanted to be where the action was, preferably with his woman.

He got up, left the bridge to Gagarin, and took the turbo lift to the mess hall. He hoped that some food would cheer him up. But the mess hall was empty, apart from some of the marines, and they didn't even seem to notice him.

With a sigh, he sat at the table, and started to eat. Alone.

He was half finished, when a voice spoke from behind him. "May I join you, Sir?"

The voice was melodic, and for a fraction of a second, he thought it was Shirzina. He turned to face a young ensign. She stood with her tray, looking a bit insecure. He could not help but look at her. She was very beautiful, and her uniform looked as if it had been painted on her. Fletch was suddenly aware, that a few too many seconds had passed since she asked to sit, and just before she moved away he said (red faced) "Sure, be seated, ensign".

She did. In the beginning, they just sat quietly and ate, but later on when he'd started by talking about this and that, she got more open mouthed. "...and then she said to me,  the tricorder is set for WHAT? And then we all laughed". She smiled at him.

A roar came from the marines, when the next card game had finished, and it kind of cut her of. "Hmm...why don't we go somewhere more private. We can hardly hear ourselves think, with those buffoons around" he said. She looked at him. "Sure, Commander. My place?"

Fletch suddenly realized, that what he just said, could be misunderstood. But ensign Katarina Solesnjov didn't comment on it further. He agreed, if somewhat ashamed.

When they arrived at her cabin, she invited him to a couch, and found two glasses and a bottle. "Is that real?" he asked.

"Yes......um...I know I'm not allowed to have it...but if you confiscate it, we can't enjoy it together" she said with a smile of a school girl who'd just been very naughty.

They had a few shots, and Katarina suddenly became even more open mouthed. Fletch heard gossip about most of the bridge crew, and he also found, that this girl could make him laugh. She, in turn, seemed to have learned, that high ranking officers were human too, and not gods.

When he later decided to go, he found himself to be a little drunk.

When he said goodbye, she gave him a hug. He was about to push her away, but she looked so sweet. He couldn't help but return the embrace, even though every fibre in him screamed about how wrong it was. He smelled her hair, her perfume.....

Fletch felt even more drunk when he finally left her. He didn't remember if they'd also kissed. But her smell was still ringing in his nostrils....and her face...uh, that face...she was just well.....she was SO cute. And from this evenings conversation, he'd learned she was also quite intelligent, and had a wit as sharp as a vibro blade.

That night he dreamt about a very sweet young ensign, and when he awoke, he was soaking wet with sweat. He took a shower, and got ready to leave. When he entered mess hall for breakfast, Katarina passed him, read as a bridge officer's uniform in the face. Fletch got some breakfast, and sat to eat it mechanically. He was not sure what to do about this. He did have a girlfriend whom he loved...but still...Katarina seemed to like him, and he could not deny that, she actually turned him on a bit.

After he had finished his watch, which seemed even longer today, he returned to the mess hall again. He had thought about eating alone, but decided against it. When he neared the mess hall, he met her again.

"Hello...err...Katarina..." he started.

She giggled. "Hello Commander. Fletch...this is...I mean...we can't go on meeting like this..."

"No...I guess we can't..." he said. Fletch hoped, that no-one else would be coming to or from the mess hall right now.

Katarina, in turn, didn't seem to care anymore.

"Oh, Fletch...I can't wait anymore." She almost whispered, and put her arms around him. "Kiss me. Now! This time, let's not leave each other." Her voice was almost inaudible when she said the last few words: "I love you" and then she moved her lips slowly to meet his....

Fletch took a step back, suddenly feeling a little frightened.

“What…what did you say?”

“I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time, from afar, I mean. I just never seemed to have the courage to tell you. But…last night was so wonderful…I know, you felt something too!”

“That’s right, I did. But…I’m going to have to think about this, Katarina. I’ll meet you at your quarters at 2200 hours.”

She nodded.

“All right, Fletch. I’ll be waiting.”

She spun, and went quickly down the corridor. She wasn’t quite running – but it was close.

Fletch touched his combadge.

“Christian to bridge.”

“This is T’Laya. Go ahead.”

“Ensign, I’m off duty. Unless the sip comes under attack by something larger than us, I don’t want to be disturbed. I’ve got some very important business to take care of.”

“Understood, Commander. T’Laya out.”

Fletch then went for the holodeck, and activated the interface.

“Computer, activate Fletch program 23 beta.”

“Program complete. Enter when ready,”

He stepped through the doors onto the deck of a large sailing ship. The wind lifted his hair up, and he could smell the salty air.

It was sunset, and the sky was painted a beautiful orange, the clouds looked like cotton balls on a piece of painted glass.

Behind him, the door slid shut and vanished.

Fletch walked to the railing, listening to the sounds of the ship. The crew was below deck, having their dinner. Only the helmsman and the lookout was at their posts.

He leaned on the railing, and looked out into the sunset.

What should he do? He was feeling conflicted, most of all because he was feeling guilty.

Actually, he told himself, this is a luxury problem. There’s two gorgeous women who are in love with me, and all I have to do is to choose between them. Any man should be so lucky.

No, his inner voice responded, it was nothing any man should wish for. He had something fantastic with Shirzina, something they had built up from scratch. When he looked at her, he saw a future, he saw kids and a house somewhere, a few animals…but he had to commit himself to do that.

Is that, what this is all about?, a surprised voice asked in his head. Am I afraid of commitment? Am I afraid that my days of picking up pretty ensigns in the officers club are over, and that’s why I’m making passes at this girl? Because there had been passes. He knew it, even though he remembered very little from last night. He recognized a pickup line when he heard it – and he defiantly had been coming on to her.

There were footsteps behind him. He didn’t even bother to turn around.

“So…you’re back.”, a voice said, as if it merely stated facts.

“Yep, and if you would leave me alone, I’d appreciate it. I need to be alone right now.

The man behind him walked closer, and positioned himself next to Fletch.

“I can’t do that, my friend. You know, I’ve seen bigger men than you throw themselves over the railing when they felt this poorly. We can’t have that.”

“No, I suppose not. Well, then, can you give me an advice?”

“I can try. What’s on your mind?”

“You know, I have this girl – Shirzina. She’s fantastic, everything I’ve always dreamed of. Strong, beautiful, energetic, intelligent…and very creative in the bedroom.”

“Sounds like I mighty fine woman to me.”

“Yeah, she is. But now, I’ve met this other Girl – Katarina. She’s completely different. She’s small, and not so strong, pretty in a quirky sort of way…her smile is like…you just feel better immediately. She has this little thing she does with her hair, that just breaks my heart…and I think I’m falling in love with her.”

“You THINK? From what I can tell, you fell a while ago.”

“That’s just it! I don’t know anything right now. I feel…I have to choose one of them, but how can I? I care so much for both of them.”

“We all face difficult choices, Fletch. I myself have faced one or two hard decisions in my time, as you know.”

“I know. Well, what would you do? What’s your advice?”

“My advice – is to close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Just do it. Close your eyes.”

Fletch closed his eyes. He could feel the wind blowing on his face. Then, the other man whispered into his ear:

“Imagine, you are waking up one morning. The sun is shining on your bed. You feel completely happy, completely content. You slept well, you made love to a beautiful woman you love the night before, and all you want to do now is lay here in your bed, with the sun warm on your body and enjoy the beginning of this day. Do you see it?”

Fletch’s face had become peaceful and calm. He saw it in his mind – his bedroom in his apartment on Earth, the patch of sunlight on the covers, his painting of a tiger on the wall next to the bed…He nodded.

“I see it.”

“Now, tell me one thing – and don’t think. Just answer.”

“All right.

“Who is laying next to you?”

“Shirzi….oh, my god. You’re right. Shirzina is laying next to me.”

“Now – do you have the answer to your question?”

Fletch opened his eyes.

“I think, I do. Thank you.”

The man lifted his hat and greeted Fletch.

“You’re always welcome.”

Fletch called out:

“Computer, exit!”

The doors appeared, and Fletch strode out through them with confidence in his step. On the way out, he called:

“End program!”

And the ship vanished, as if it had never existed.

When he arrived at Katarina’s quarters on deck 8, he was feeling a little less secure about himself, but he was determined to take this to the conclusion.

He rang the bell, and the door slid open.

Katarina was sitting on the couch, her legs drawn up under her, reading a PADD. When he entered, she looked up at him.

“Fletch? Oh, I’m so glad you came. I was beginning to think, you wouldn’t come. Are you ready to talk about Us now? Why are you looking like that?”

“Because what I’m about to say will probably hurt you. There’s not going to be any Us. I’ve thought it through. I care for you very much – and if things had been different, I probably would not have wasted a second in kissing you. But things are different now. I’m different than I used to be.”

“You don’t…love me?”

“I do love you. That’s what scares me. But I also love Shirzina. Nobody has ever made me feel as complete as she does. And I won’t turn my back on that. I can’t. So you and I can not happen. I’m sorry.”

Katarina looked into the floor, as if her head weighed a ton. Then, she looked up at him, her eyes completely dry.

“All right. I’m a grown woman. You’re a grown man. Surely, we can be mature on this.”

“I’m glad you think that. I would very much like us to be friends, but if you…”

“No. No. I want us to be friends to. I just…I need a few days to gather myself.”

“I understand. I’ll get out of here now. Um…good night.”

Fletch went out the door.

Katarina managed to hold herself together until she was sure, he was at least a deck away. Then, she fell into the couch, sobbing.

She felt like someone had grabbed hold of her innards and given them a good yank. She felt like throwing up…but on the other hand, she had a strange craving for ice cream…

She went to the replicator, and then froze, listening to the music streaming from the speakers. She had asked it to play romantic music, and it had obliged – but this song was different. The woman’s voice went right to her heart:

There's an old saying, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "Seek and ye shall find."
So I'm going to seek a certain lad
I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet.

He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good to
One who'll watch over me.

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key!

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed?
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me!

She stood there for a long time, staring out onto the stars.

And outside her quarters, where every sob, and every note of the song had come through, Fletch was leaning on the wall, feeling exactly the same.