Well, I guess first of all I should say that I am the
daughter of a Vietnam Veteran, a Marine . I don’t
think I really knew this though while I was growing
up. That wasn't the hot topic in our household. I
actually don’t remember hearing the topic brought up
at all until I was a teenager. I guess Mom din’t ask
about it and Dad didn't offer any information. I
don’t think I really knew anything about the Vietnam
War, period, until Dad told me. But, like I said I
really don’t know what those two talked about.
Anyway, it was hard growing up in my house, for
me and for my sister. Dad and Jennifer never really
got along. There was a lot of fighting, between my
sister and I, Dad and Mom, and Dad and Jennifer.
No one really ever seemed perfectly happy. Dad
seemed to yell a lot. And for off the wall things! I
never knew why. I just thought I was always being
bad. He also got upset because while he was in
Vietnam he lost most of his hearing in one ear. To
this day he can’t hear properly out of it. I didn’t know
why he couldn’t hear. I do now. I know a lot of
things now that I didn’t know when I was younger.
I was scared of my dad. I loved him, but I was
scared that I would do something that would make
him mad and start to yell at me. Sometimes he said
things that would hurt. I’m sure he didn’t mean a lot
of the things he said, but still it hurt. A lot of this I’m
sure is from the pain of coming home from the war
and no one to talk to about it. All of the anger just
bottled up inside and sometimes it just had to come
out.I guess it just came out towards us.
I was always worried that one day my parents
would get a divorce and one day that nightmare
came true! It actually worked out for the best in both
cases, but still, to go through that at a young age was
devastating! I contemplated suicide, but that left my
mind after a brief thought. I just didn’t know what I
did that was so bad that both my parents hated me so
much to do this to us. Even though we were not happy,
I thought we’d stay together.This was only the first half
of my life. My dad has changed a lot since those days.
Once I was old enough to make decisions on my
own, I did. I found myself what I thought was a nice
man, and we got engaged after a few months. Dad
was very happy for me until he found out what this
guy was really like. He knew it before I did! Isn’t that
usually the way it works? That sucks too! Anyway!
He made me move out onto my own with him to see if
it would work! Thank God that he did that because I
would’ve ended up marrying an adulterer. I thought
that was so unfair for him to throw me out onto the
street , so to speak, but it all turned out for the best!
I am now proud to say that I am a Veteran
Marine’s daughter. Although a lot of the rules and
stipulations of being under dad’s roof were harsh
sometimes, he did it out of love. He also was taught to
fight for things, like his country, which shunned him
when he was actually allowed to come home.
My father has been having a hard time lately
coping with things that happened over 30 years ago.
It seems like that can’t be possible! But, it is. I hear
the horror stories almost daily. My dad gets
nightmares so bad that it scares me, and it scares dad
and my step mother. Why are all these thoughts and
dreams coming out now? Why not years ago? Maybe
because he’s around people who would understand
now. I know I wouldn’t have known what to say to
him even a few years ago. Jennifer probably wouldn’t
have either because we have never experienced
something so horrible as a war. Since then Jennifer
has been in the military so she could help in some
ways, but it’s hard for me to understand some of the
things I hear because it’s such horrible things. That’s
not something you’d would wish on your worst enemy,
let alone your own father!
I just hope that more people realize the pain and
torment these men go through daily just from having
served in Vietnam. Now, I know that reliving a little
portion of my life isn’t going to give you the whole
perspective of what it was like growing up under a
Marine, but just know that it was hard. Not because
dad is a mean person and he only wants to bring
pain and hurt to me, but because he has a lot of pain
himself bottled up inside and no one seems to care. At
least that's what he thought. He now knows that he
can come to any of us for advise, for guidance or just
for us to listen to him tell of his experiences. These
men deserve that much. Even a simple hug and a
“Thank you, good job and welcome home.”
I love you dad ~ heather
