Life Goes On...
It's been quite the busy month here in my world! We're getting really into the school year, which means meetings with parents, progress reports, tests, grades, detentions, and best of all- vacations! :) Well, at least a long weekend, anyway. We just had Columbus Day weekend- which was a MUCH needed break, even though there was only one extra real day of "vacation." But after that, on Tuesday and Wednesday of that week the kids still had off while we teachers had professional development days. I was fortunate enough to get into a workshop called "Dimensions of Learning" and it was really interesting- what parts of it I got to be there for. I ended up getting INCREDIBLY sick the first morning of the first day of the workshop- and I know exactly what caused it, too. Danish. Creamy, wonderful, delightful CHEESE danish, to be exact. I had never experienced "Dumping Syndrome" to its fullest until that day. And I NEVER want to again. Sadly, cheese danish is up on that list of "no-no" food now... but the alternative (fat, miserable, and disgusted with myself) is much worse, do I guess I'll deal with it. :) The second day I also left early- another food issue. It's something that I've really been struggling with a lot lately- eating my food too quickly, especially around other people, even my family. I don't know if I'm trying too hard to be "normal" or what, but I find that when I eat with others, I eat WAY too fast and of course I don't chew nearly as thoroughly as I should, and, viola! A tummyache follows. This is something I'm working on, taking smaller bites, chewing better, not eating until I'm so stuffed full that I think I might vomit... now that I can eat a wider variety of foods, I seem to be getting snagged on teh behavior change side of things. But the best part is that I'm aware of it, so I know what's happening, and I can take steps to correct things. It's a wonderful feeling, being in control. I feel like I really am in charge now- in charge of my feelings, in charge of my eating... it's a totally amazing feeling. I don't think I ever realized before just how out of control I was when it came to both of those things. But with the help of the Compass Atercare program, my therapist, the online support groups, my family and friends, and- most importantly- my husband- I'm beginning to take control and practice being in control- and I feel fantastic! I'm starting to see more of the patterns in my eating- why I used to snack, what triggered it, etc. It's great to be able to take a step back and see what's REALLY happening in my life and my brain to cause the behavior, and then know what steps to take to correct it.
Everyone in my life continues to be loving and supportive. My husband is the most amazing man on earth- I don't think I can ever tell him enough times how much his love, faith, and encouragement mean to me. With each passing day he seems to find new ways to be there for me and show me how much he cares. He's just finished up his second week working for iMany, a software development firm (I think). He's working there part time designing their intranet- and doing a fantastic job. It's so great to see him excited about what he's doing, even if it *does* feel like he's talking to me in another language half the time (computer jargon). He's still working at CVS part time in the pharmacy as well. We just went down to Rhode Island to see the family over the Columbus Day holiday (Saturday and Sunday only- he had to work on Monday, and that was fine because it gave me the day to "rejuvinate" by myself for awhile). It was great to see everyone- one frustrating things about going down to visit is that there's never enough time to see EVERYONE and do EVERYTHING that you want to do. One nice thing about going back was that I was over 40 lighter than the last time I had been there- amazing! As soon as we walked in the door to my parents' house, my brother Mathew gave me a hug and said (under his breath), "Wow, Sarah, you're getting skinny!" and that made me feel great. But sometimes I wonder if other people saw a difference for real or if they were just being polite. I guess that's just because sometimes I have a tough time seeing the weight loss myself. Right now I'm about 240ish- I've still got quite a ways to go, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to meet my goal of being at 200 pounds by the time we go home for Christmas this year. About two months from now... I think I can do it.