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I can't believe how much has changed in a year. And some things haven't changed as much as I thought they would. It's been a little more than a year as I'm writing this, it's August 14th, a year ago today I was still in the hospital, almost on my way home. I'm over a hundred and ten pounds lighter than I was a year ago today... that feels amazing. My eating habits have changed... some drastically, some not so much. I no longer run to my good friends, Ben and Jerry when I've had a bad day- not that I don't feel that gut impulse to do so, but I know that if I did, I'd feel so dreadfully ill that it wouldn't compare to the emotional trauma that I'm facing at the moment, so I find a better way to deal with it (and my husband will tell you that my "better way" will sometimes involve a large quantity of bitching and moaning and whining... one negative aspect of this surgery is that my usage of four-letter words has greatly increased). Much to my dismay, I still have a wicked sweet tooth, but it takes a lot less sweet to satisfy it. What a family-sized bag of candy did for me in the past (plus maybe a couple of candy bars thrown in for good measure- variety, you know) is now curbed with a Twizzler or two. It's a whole other world. This is what I always imagined what is was like to be a thin person. Someone who was satisfied with normal portions and "just a taste" of things, where I couldn't stand to be tantalized like that in the past- I always had to have the whole thing. Samples? Are you kidding me? That was like torture. To only have a little bit of something... ugh. Now it's no problem.
I have no regrets about having the surgery. This seems to be everyone's biggest question. Any minor frustrations that have come up because of it- taking vitamins twice a day instead of once a day, making sure that the medinces I take can be dissolved easily in my stomach pouch, etc... things like that... these are small prices to pay (to me... some would disagree) for what I have been able to do. It hasn't been easy, and now I am faced with the challenge of having to maintain the weight loss. One of my biggest fears is becoming one of the people who gains back all of the weight because I don't do enough to maintain.
More reflections and photos to come... stay tuned! |
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