When Megalomaniacs Enter the World of Commerce, There's a New Layer of Slime On the Face of E-Business

My name, as far as you are concerned, is Spunky. I do have another name. Many other names. "Damn- Stupid-Kid-Get-Your-Butt-Out-of-the-Road", for instance. Maybe you know me. Maybe you don't. Maybe you are me. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Right over there. Don't try to hide it!

Anyway, on to the topic at hand. Today I'm going to explore what happens when Internet Megalomaniacs enter the world of E-business. Not good things, obviously. For this completely hypothetical situation, I will be using our hypothetical megalomaniac, Ugly. Why do we call him Ugly? Because he looks like a fish. Hypothetically.

Anyway, let's say that Ugly has a well-known website (mostly due to his numerous illegitimate practices). Let's say this site is based on a book series, which I'm going to call "Survivors," published by a wealthy company, "Apple."

Now, "Apple" has always been good to the fans. The books they publish come at convenient prices, and cater to a wide array of interests. They even let the authors under contract to them take some liberties (e.g. extending the boundaries for the material of their book's "age group"). "Apple" deserves every dime they get, through the book stores, anyway. No one would have any logical reason to want to steal money from them.

However, Ugly is not logical. In fact, Ugly is quite stupid. So, he sets up a store, selling numerous items branded with covers of the "Survivors" series. The money goes to the web service that Ugly has set up his store on, not to the "Apple" publishing company, and definitely not to the writer, who we will call "T. S. Quint." Now, writers make very little as it is, and the last thing they need is some idiotic kid on the Internet diverting money from them.

But let's give Ugly a fair trial. Let's examine his possible motives. Maybe he only meant to increase the popularity of the series which, as the lists show, hasn't been selling as well as "Quint's" break-out series, "Anichangers." But not as bad as "NeverLand." Certainly not. Or maybe Ugly just wants to get the web service that hosts his store to get some money, since they might be dangerously close to bankruptcy.

Or maybe, just maybe, excuse my crazy thought here, folks, but maybe Ugly is doing this all just to make his site more popular, because he's a sick, twisted individual with no other interests outside of his own success on the Web, which he greatly exaggerates to his online friends and lackeys- his only friends, mind you. Maybe he's just doing it all because he's a LYING, STINKING CHEAT WITH NO CONCERN FOR THE WELL BEING OF ANYONE ASIDE FROM HIS PATHETIC, LOSER SELF!!!!!!!

Hypothetically, of course.

So what has Ugly done wrong? He has diverted money from those who rightly deserve it, for his own selfish means. He has invaded the already gilded world of commerce, and make it reek with his putrid smell of loser-osity. And, worst of all, his sin above and beyond all sins- he has committed copy right infringement. It is United States law (and since "Survivors" is published in America, the laws cover it, even over seas) that no one can copy the work of any individual until fifty years after the creator's death, or if the creator has signed the rights over to someone else. "T. S. Quint" is alive and well, and has certainly not, and will never, give the rights to their books to a fish-faced loser like Ugly.

So there you have it- Ugly has not just insulted our intelligence and good taste, but now he has broken the law. And yet, no one takes a stand. When will the cry go up to resist? When will we finally band together to defeat these monsters of the Web?

Soon, my friends. Soon.