Preview Article
By Iustitia
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| Profiles Preview Article By Iustitia |
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| Hi. My name is Iustitia. I can't tell you my last name, or where I liv- | |||||||||||||||
| Ahem. I'm sorry. There, you know one thing about me: I've read the Animorphs series. | |||||||||||||||
| It's going to be one of the few things you ever learn, if the Resistance can help it. Anonymity is crucial. | |||||||||||||||
| Anyway, on to the topic. Profiles. We are now entering the land of the hypothetical. | |||||||||||||||
| Now, if Ugly were to write Profiles on characters, what would they be like? Would they be interesting? Truthful? Containing plausible theories? | |||||||||||||||
| Alas, no. | |||||||||||||||
| Let us take a character. We shall call her...Alyssa. How would Ugly size up Alyssa? | |||||||||||||||
| Well, Ugly would start by stating she lived in a place that had been destroyed, at least in accordance with the story of that Ugly would be talking about. | |||||||||||||||
| But that's minor. Really, I can let that one pass. Everyone has a few moments of foolishness now and then. | |||||||||||||||
| I could say something on Ugly having moments of sensibility, but that's what the Commentaries are for. Moving on.... | |||||||||||||||
| Ugly would then go on to list Alyssa's closest friends and...enemies. Well, they say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, don't they? | |||||||||||||||
| Ugly would also say that Alyssa was very quite. I thought very and quite meant the same thing...? | |||||||||||||||
| We could blame this one on a typo, though. So I suppose it's not really valid. | |||||||||||||||
| Of course, there IS the fact that he says Frederick is also very quite...but I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions. | |||||||||||||||
| Ah. Ugly then says that Alyssa is of homosexual origin, and has a crush on Ripley, who is another woman. | |||||||||||||||
| Ugly has just proven that homosexual parents really ARE a factor in sexuality. Wow. I'm sorry, I just can't think of a good reason why this would be here. Homosexual origin? | |||||||||||||||
| Alyssa has two mommies, is what he's saying. Or two daddies. And he doesn't tell us which...how strange. I wonder if this is really true or if he's just a MANGLER OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! | |||||||||||||||
| To put the crowning touch on it all, Ugly's lackey Roden, steps in and says that "Alyssa is a very plain character. She hasn't done much yet, she's very secret." | |||||||||||||||
| Er. Yeah. Whatever you say, Roden. I swear, even if she piloted a hovercraft, fought in battles, tried to rescue someone from an alien's mind grip and decided to split off from a main group of people practically alone, Roden wouldn't give her credit. | |||||||||||||||
| -Iustitia | |||||||||||||||