So they made Pockets instead of this....to be fair I understand why.
Script that was rejected as a synopsis (read on to find out why).
1 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
A MAN staggers about with a bucket on his head. On the bucket is written the word �mankind�. He stumbles around unable to see where he�s going as is usual with a red plastic bucket over your face. Up comes a caption as the audience get the general idea that he doesn�t know where he�s going.
CAPTION (superimposed or written on card)
Mankind. Staggering about in the darkness when it knows where the light is.
2 FIELD / STOCK FOOTAGE - EXTERIOR - DAY
Here we could use stock film of the houses of Parliament. This would then be edited to a man standing in a field with the word �Government� on a placard around his neck. The GOVERNMENT wears fairly formal dress, dull but interesting. (not being too vague). A suit or something formally informal (not too confusing). He stands around and does nothing.
3 ANOTHER FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
Music by Dr Didj follows the journey of MR POO. He is a fairly well dressed individual. He�s not dressed as a well, with a bucket and a 30 foot drop but there are signs of what we commonly associate with fat cats. MR POO walks around a couple of settings, nothing too long and boring before he sees MR SOLAR. He pushes MR SOLAR, a saggy, undernourished man over in this opening title sequence. We follow MR POO through various settings as during this journey the following credits appear.
Written and Directed by
Who cares?
Edited/sound by
Does it matter?
Produced by
Do you really give a toss?
Camera by
JD Baker
4 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
MOMAN approaches a man with the words �local lunatic� on a placard and string around his neck. LUNATIC starts to talk, we can�t hear him but dub over a silly noise such as a totally unrelated powertool or hedge strimmer. Cut to a piece of cardboard with �Unrelated storyline :�Get me a cup of tea else I�ll selotape you to a tree�� written on it. LUNATIC pulls from his pocket some selotape and waves it threateningly at MOMAN. MOMAN runs away, afraid.
5 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
We follow MR POO�s journey again. In the next shot he has a cup of tea and walks past a signpost. It has �world destruction� pointing the way he�s going and �tea� indicates where he�s just come from. MOMAN walks past him and the sequence ends. The music stops and we fade to black.
6 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
MR POO approaches the man that�s dressed as the GOVERNMENT. MR POO starts to talk. We can�t hear him in real sound. His mouth moves but nothing comes out. This is until a fairly low pitched grunt is dubbed over the piece or we could use the sound of an ice-cream van. The GOVERNMENT starts to speak. Again a couple of lower pitched, not caring inspired grunts come forth from being dubbed over. The GOVERNMENT gives MR POO a load of money. MR POO clearly wants more and the GOVERNMENT starts to grunt and then a real line!
GOVERNMENT
New mode of transport.
The GOVERNMENT lays out his hand and through the magical powers of special effects there appears a clearly marked �magic hat�. MR POO puts it on, and, after a few seconds, disappears.
7 FIELDS - EXTERIOR - DAY
We see MR SOLAR recover from the onslaught of the last encounter with MR POO. MR SOLAR walks through the countryside/field outside Honeywell. More music accompanies his travels as, on the way MR POO appears. He is armed with a tube of cardboard while MR SOLAR has a deadly packet of cornflakes. In the conflict MR SOLAR is battered to a pulp, well sustains serious bread related damage. MR POO walks off shot. We follow him a bit further and he goes and poos in a lake, this will have to be in another location. Due to the lack of special effects we might have to get pieces of polystyrene and write the word �poo� on them. By this the meaning is communicated and we assume he�s some kind of freak. He reads a magazine called �How to make money out of fucking up the planet�. A nearby light turns on and he looks satisfied.
8
MR SOLAR picks up his shattered packet of cornflakes from the floor and straightens it out. Sellotapes up the holes and carries on walking. Possibly to his own, slightly happier tune. He approaches the GOVERNMENT and from his bag produces a load of solar panels. He talks frantically and points to the product he is holding. Over this is dubbed a fast urgent voice. This would be achieved through speeding up a normal segment of conversation. Like all the dialogue this bears no connection with the movement of the mouth. After several seconds of this we cut back to the GOVERNMENT doing nothing and humming and haring. This takes a while.
9 STREET - EXTERIOR - DAY
Meanwhile MR POO puts on a clearly marked �magical hat�. He clicks his fingers and magically disappears.
10 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
Cut back as before. MR SOLAR protesting and madly trying to get something out of the GOVERNMENT. MR POO magically appears and taps the GOVERNMENT on the shoulder. GOVERNMENT gives a slight grunt before giving him loads of money. MR POO takes this and disappears, through the magical power of the hat.
11 RUBBISH TIP - EXTERIOR - DAY
MR POO appears in a setting where there�s loads of dustbins. He continues to trash the place, tipping rubbish everywhere and throwing around white poo.
12 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
Nearby an old man strums a cardboard guitar with the words �low budget production� written on it. He sings a song by George Harrison �While my guitar gently weeps�. Over this sound track we mix in images of MR POO�s destruction and the image of oil mixing with water. We see the light still shining beside the empty lake.
13 REFECTORY - INTERIOR - DAY
We see someone press the �tea� button for the drinks - a really close shot with just the fingers in frame. A wider shot reveals that MOMAN is at the head of the line for drinks, he looks at the contents of the cup. Another shot shows there�s only a drop of tea in it. He looks across the canteen to see a sign saying �tea shortage in local area�. He looks distressed.
14 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
Cut back to MR SOLAR. He�s still protesting to the GOVERNMENT, every action becoming more and more frantic as the frustration builds up inside him. Cut to more shots of GOVERNMENT humming and haring in a series of dubbed grunts. We could possibly cut back to new scenes of destruction with MR POO. Eventually the GOVERNMENT dips into his pockets and produces 2p. MR SOLAR looks down in disbelief.
15 LIGHTBULB SHOP - EXTERIOR - DAY
MR SOLAR approaches a clearly marked �lightbulb shop�, which is really a picnic table with the words �lightbulb shop� written on the side. Here MR LIGHTBULB sells lightbulbs (shock! surprise!). MR POO buys poo loads of light bulbs with hoofing loads of cash. MR SOLAR can hardly get anything with his 2p. In the end he has to go to the �lightbulb library�.
16 FIELDS - EXTERIOR - DAY
We follow MR SOLAR�s journey back to the GOVERNMENT. During the ensuing �conversation� (dubbed grunts or ice-cream sounds) it becomes clear that MR SOLAR requires more financial support due to his constant gestures directed at the 2p he�s holding. The GOVERNMENT is unsympathetic to his cause.
17 FIELD - EXTERIOR - DAY
A close up of pee falling into the lake. Another shot shows MR POO standing legs apart within weeing distance of the pond. He turns around, does up his flies and kicks a football that has the image of the world on it. The next thing we know a game of football is taking place between people who are dressed in suits. They pass it around and compete for a bit before one of them sets off a rasping shot that�s heading for the goal with �global destruction� written all over it. Then comes on a member of Greenpeace, who just manages to tip the shot around the post.
A person wearing a policeman�s hat then confronts the member of Greenpeace. This person also has a placard tied around him/her saying �police person�. The words �You�re nicked� are dubbed over as he/she hits the Greenpeace member with a cucumber. This happens several times with different goalies. The third one retaliates to the cucumber attack by hitting the police person with a loaf of bread. The police person�s colleague throws loads of fruit at the rowdy activist, quelling the threat. Meanwhile the ball is perilously close to the goal line. Suddenly MR POO appears (with the help of his magical hat) and pokes the ball between the sticks. Cut to images of people celebrating a goal at a real footy match. The sound of the celebrations are interspersed with powerful library images of global destruction. MR POO continues his celebration and money flutters through the breeze (not real money, we�re skint).
The GOVERNMENT looks at the rubbish surrounding the local area, all the polystyrene poo everywhere, shrugs his shoulders and walks away.
Close up of the ball with the world on it. This starts with the shot before the game (i.e. when it was in perfect condition). We then fade to the image of the newly wrecked football. After a fairly lengthy pause we zoom out to see the man with the bucket on his head stagger around in the background. We see MOMAN selotaped to a tree and LUNATIC drinking from a cup with �Tea substitute� written on it. Fade to black. .