Lara Crofts pornographic debut was branded a disaster last night as she killed Tony the tiger in cold blood. 'I don't know what came over me' she explained to police later on 'in all my experience tigers usually attack me but this one just ate sugar coated cornflakes and said a cheesy catchphrase. I shot the bastard anyway'.
Tony had wandered from another set to whitness the tombraider's much anticipated steaming liason with donkey kong. Yesterday the star was oiling up ready for action, tonight she is in prison and a beloved actor has surcome to an untimely end.
Last night the tributes came pouring in. 'I always admired Tony' said sooty 'He was such a good actor. I mean, he was really a giraphe'.
Tony's arch rival, the honey monster, was less than impressed depite the pairs bitter rivaly shared in the past. 'she didn't get to make the porn then' he mumbled, zipping up his flies.
Lara croft is currently on death row and finding her new home hard to deal with. 'It's a really hard puzzle this.' she said 'usually there's some block i've got to move or key to find. I've been stuck in this cell for hours! I really wish i'd bought that fucking cheat book'.
Crysalid games corp were shocked yesterday about the capture and impending death of their beauty but vowed that the series will continue, with Mrs Packman rumoured to be interested in the part.
This is has to be Lara's most embarrassing encounter since she heartlessly slaughtered 3 dogs who were waiting for their owners outside poundland.
