Middle ages

  While their God was pursing rejection in the world of pop music, the activities of the world he fashioned continued without his intervention. The world was reaching it�s middle ages. For most planets this means they�re kind of in their forty�s with a nice career, spending a portion of the time bringing up their children. However our world was lonely and becoming disillusioned with his job. The dream of settling down with a lovely planet seemed to be turning into a corroded nightmare.

  A career in knighthood was the aim of a young squire called Kennedy, who had just invested in a new husband. They had gone for the traditional wedding as they couldn�t stand the new age jazz. All the traditions were being maintained. They had never seen each other before the day of matrimony and decided not to see each other afterwards. God hadn�t thought through the concept of marriage very thougholy as he�d been busy playing table tennis. After finally settling their divorce Kennedy stood around, following the holy scripture to the precise letter. Firstly he watched Live and Kicking, commented on the nature of Zoe Ball�s breasts and ate a curry. His God would be so proud. If this level of service was maintained his place in Hichon would surely be assured.

   Funerals were a nightmare. Being thumped against a wall by men in miniskirts had been abolished due to the �death is the highlight of life� campaign which, although achieving it�s original objectives, resulted in several people being arrested under the mental health act. The new ceremony consisted of dying, then complaining that there wasn�t an afterlife.

   All this was miles away from the mind of Kennedy, the young squire. His mind was set on his knighthood exams the following day. He had spent all day preying for the lord to come down from his heavenly perch and tell him the answers. All this was to no avail, so as a last resort, he decided to revise. All the subjects he had a fairly loose grip on. The theory of sword fighting, grade 8 tuba, jousting - how to joust without safety pins etc. However he had lost all those notes from them lectures he was suppost to go to. In a fit of desperation he decided to see his secret girlfriend, even though it was three in the morning, night was on strike so it was light. In any case he had a torch.

  So, once upon a time a young squire called Kennedy went to see his girlfriend who lived on the other side of the forest. He set out with a trowel in case he was confronted with angry gardeners. These people roamed the surface of the world, terrorising people with their knowledge of compost. His girlfriend lived miles away from somewhere else, but not too far from Kennedy, who lived miles away from somewhere else. I thought I�d keep that in to encourage aspiring writers. Through the forest he roamed. Then! the sun went out.
�I suppose he needs a new bulb� thought Kennedy, switching on his torch and continuing up the windy path.

  A murmur in the darkness. Kennedy stood still. Movement in the bushes around him. His heart pounded frantically, helping to keep him alive. The thumping in the chest as the blood raced through his body. Red V white blood cells, 2 laps. The rustling came nearer and Kennedy stood motionless, frozen and terrified. It could be anything, a panther, a bandit, the wind. Kennedy dimmed the light of his torch and awaited his fate.
�C�mon!� he shouted after an hour or two �I�m over here!�
�Oh right� came the murmured voice of the masses. In particular, one hero, head and shoulders above the rest due to his two sets of heads and shoulders. A look up, and Kennedy was surrounded. Surrounded by men armed with bows and arrows.
�Careful, he�s got a trowel� said Robin Hood.

   Hours later the moon was in the sky, covering for the Sun who needed a leak. Kennedy had just concluded one of the most poorly described encounters with Robin Hood, designed  to make young authors feel better about themselves. The journey through the forest continued. The cracking of twigs under foot as Kennedy hurried to the final destination, his secret lover.

Homosexual relations with had to be kept quite under the tight fisted regime. Kennedy knew he had to be careful and brought with him a cunning disguise, that of a woman. He opened up his bag and out fell some frilly panties. �My faverate� he thought, picking the garment off the floor. A pounce in the darkness, he could hear the ground tremering benith him. It could be the Homosexual police. I�m not implying the police are homosexual or anything, but in our religion most of them are due to the cheapness of Adam. Those deadly secret service designed to hunt out people who disobeyed the sex law. A genetic trait living through the race. All civilisation around the globe. Well if God had afforded it it would have been spherical, but in the end he settled for the shape of a packet of cornflakes surrounded by blu-tak.

�What a beautiful world� sung Kennedy, tripping over some kebab boxes God couldn�t be arsed to clean up �I feel so alive�. He approached the village where Susan lived. For purposes of security from now on his name was Juliet. He weaved his way though the mucky, flame lit and poortly described village and approached the balcony where he was sure Susan lived.