| Sketch (by Adam and Fraser) INT � CAR SHOWROOM � DAY CUSTOMER Is this where I can buy the greatest car in the world? SHOPPIE Yes..here�s one SHOPPIE produces a banana and pushes it along the table. He makes car noises CUSTOMER But..it�s a banana SHOPPIE It�s original. CUSTOMER Where am I gonna sit? SHOPPIE produces a legoman which he attaches to the banana using blu tak. CUSTOMER But..I�m not that small. SHOPPIE Well..why don�t you take it for a test drive? CUSTOMER stands on it, it squashes. SHOPPIE Oh�that was my best model. The others aren�t ripe yet. CUSTOMER Well�I�d better be off then. SHOPPIE (stopping him) What about this model�it�s larger. SHOPPIE points to a cardboard box with the words �greatest car in the world�ever�part two� on it. SHOPPIE Get in CUSTOMER Now what SHOPPIE Well�you�ve gotto use your imagination. It�s not as simple as the last model. It�s a step up�more complex you see. CUSTOMER Do you have any other colours SHOPPIE Yeah, yeah, you can have any colour you want so long as it�s brown. CUSTOMER What? No red? SHOPPIE Yeah, yeah read. Brown red. Brown. It�s a convertible you know? CUSTOMER Yes�where�s the roof? SHOPPIE Oh�I had to take it off. The present owner stored a bunch of baked beans in it and I needed to take them out you see. Actually came in quite handy. CUSTOMER (not bothered) Really�how? SHOPPIE Well I ate them. Long silence. CUSTOMER I don�t believe you. I thought you were a reputable businessman. My friend bought his car from here and now I know why he�s the laughing stock of the office. You�re demented! It�s a bleeding piece of cardboard. It�s hardly the greatest car on the earth. SHOPPIE It holds the land speed record. CUSTOMER What? Maybe in your demented little head. I mean� CUSTOMER picks up a plantpot. �what�s this? SHOPPIE Limited edition Queen LP CUSTOMER picks up shoe from floor. SHOPPIE Careful�that�s precious. CUSTOMER throws it on the floor. FX: smashing sound. CUSTOMER looks confused (if he can actually act) SHOPPIE OK�OK�this is the supreme model. SHOPPIE takes CUSTOMER to a cupboard. Inside there is a wing mirror. Revving sounds. CUSTOMER walks out. SHOPPIE parks the cupboard. A knock at the door. It�s SANTA SANTA You fixed my sleigh yet? SHOPPIE gives him a plate. |