Ladies and gentlmen, I welcome you to Insights in which I try to throw a little of my own perspective light onto topics which people mail me with.
My friend Naomi Mayo asked me to bring up the topic of women in general. Now this is a dangerous topic. Especially when a man is trying to bring perspective onto it. The lines between man and woman are clearly drawn and one side has nearly an impossible time trying to see over that line and understand the other. But, with Insights, I will attempt to bridge that gap in the hopes of bringing understanding about women and at the possible chance of not getting sex ever because I pissed off all the women in the world.
Women in general-I've heard "woman is the most complicated thing next to the universe itself". I think that is pushing the envelope. I can fully understand the mechanics of the universe itself while I'm still trying to figure out why women feel they need to have more than two pairs of shoes. So as we can see, starting off, I'm not the best to tackle this subject. But I shall continue anyway.
What women want-Okay, from what I've seen in my life, here is a list of what women want: to be loved, to be held, to be taken out someplace nice every once in a while, to be admired, to be complimented, to be listened to, to be treated with respect, to be treated fairly, to be caressed, to be acknowledged, to be showered with affection, to be given flowers and candy occasionally, to be able to enjoy making love, to be telephoned, to be placed on a pedestal, to cuddle, just to name a few.
Women and relationships-Here comes murky slush for me to trudge through. A woman tends to take relationships very seriously, as they should. There are few to no women who see the word "relationship" including any more than two people. If a guy is dating two or more girls, he is not in a relationship. And trust me, that is far more likely to happen than a girl dating multiple guys. Which is odd since girls have easier times getting guys than vice-versa. Why? Guys will view 75% of the population as someone they wouldn't mind getting in the sack. Women are more like 5-10%. Why is this? Well, you'll have to jump ahead to the sex part to read my thoughts on that. But most women want to be treated as equals in the workplace, but the desire to be treated as ladies when they are dating. Open doors for them, hold her hand, look into her eyes, speak from the heart. Yes, for most of you guys, it's not immediately in your nature. But remember how much you care for her. And if you don't, you shouldn't be with her. Let her be with someone who can treat her properly. I've said my piece for that.
Women and sex-Do I even want to go here (metaphorically, I mean)? True, while I haven't slept with any females, I have a good idea of what goes on. There are quite a few quotes which seem to fit the female sentiment: "The goal of sex is for a women to achieve orgasm and the man not to" is the one that pops into my mind. What advice can I give? Pleasure her first. Guys, 95% of the time once we're done, we're done. We don't have energy for doing anything else for a while. However, she's as energetic as ever. Help her first, boost her energies so she can help you and then you can both rest. Pretty easy, huh?
Women and shopping-Okay, I don't know what their deal is on shopping. Or why they need eight pairs of shoes. Or why "SALE" gets them going as much as chocolate (yet another thing I couldn't explain). And don't bother about shopping for the ladies, guys. We're already clueless enough on what to wear ourselves. I'll give you a tip though: ladies tend to like lingerie. But they like the white or pink....not the black or red that guys tend to buy for them. They're gatherers guys, let them gather their clothes and items. Ladies, we're hunters. We hunt down one item. We find it. We buy it. We don't like going all over town for something we've already seen. Just trust us on it.
Women and sexual harassment-I'll start out by saying I am completely against sexual harassment. But the line gets drawn as to what counts as sexual harassment. I'll begin by saying that any woman who goes to work with a push-up bra, miniskirt, and skintight blouse with a revealing neckline should not get to file harassment suits ever. I'm sorry ladies, but when you dress like that, you're doing so in order to attract the looks of guys. Just because someone you don't like also notices, that doesn't give you the power to use sexual harassment. That's a lame excuse.
However, if you dress sensibly and aren't flirting with anyone, that gives nobody any kind of presumption. And if anyone does anything at that point, then by all means, kick 'em in the nuts. Otherwise it's like ordering a double cheeseburger with fries and shake and then suing the restaurant for making you gain weight. Which brings me to:
Women and self-image-I think it's ingrained in most women to complain from the moment of speech that they're too fat. Admittedly, in today's age, 1/5-1/4 of them are. But keep in mind about 1/3 of men are overweight. Difference? We don't bitch about it. Ladies, I'll give you a tip. If you complain that you're too fat, you probably aren't. Most of the fat women I've known don't complain. They just eat. They don't talk about losing weight. Want to know if you're fat? Here's my list:
1-If you weigh less than me (145), you're not fat.
2-If you get out of breath walking from the mall parking lot to inside the mall, you're too fat.
3-If I can put you in front of a light and count your bones, you're not fat.
4-If you have to look behind you when you sit down to see if the chair is big enough, you could probably lose a few pounds.
5-If you weigh less than your IQ, you're not fat.
6-If you weight less than half your IQ, you need to put on weight.
7-Who cares what you weight? If you don't like, go to the moon. You'll drop 5/6 of your weight.
I'll end this by giving my generalizations. Keep in mind, they're general. They could also be wrong. You can hate me for thinking this or you can laugh about it. In any case, who cares? It's my page, I'll do what I want:
Men think; women emote. Men tend to find themselves in a role where they're not supposed to cry and to be tough. Women are supposed to be tender, emotional, and caring. Men buy; women shop. Men have sex; women make love. Men can be as obnoxious, crude, and rowdy with other guys as they want. Women....well, I don't know. Never been alone with a large group of women. So ladies and gentlemen, there, in a nutshell, is woman.