Ladies and gentlmen, I welcome you to Insights in which I try to throw a little of my own perspective light onto topics with which people mail me. No subject is too off-the-wall or taboo; I'll stick my neck out on anything.
It took a few months, but Insights is apparently catching on. I've finally been given a topic which I know has been on the minds of not only myself and most of America, but it's also being thoroughly debated in the upcoming Presidental election. Naturally, the topic is that of toothpicks. Are they simple, useful devices, or deadly objects waiting to happen?
I know most of you will look at this and think Is there any doubt that these things are not deadly? and you'd have good reason to thnk that. After all, an average of eighteen people a year are killed by toothpics, yet you can find them anywhere. Go to a restaurant, they'll probably have some there. Do you seem them selling guns and bullets? No. Those are next door, but that's another tangent.
the sad fact is that America, in general, is very, very stupid. In a country where you can sue someone for spilling a drink on yourself, we've made available small, wooden, sharp utensils by the hundreds with purchase. Think of the many ways you can injure yourself: you can choke on it; you could miss your mouth and poke yourself in the eye; you could get a splinter. And that's just three things. With several hundred million Americans alone, hundreds of ways to inflict injurty and death upon oneself become available. Yet no one does anything. Why? Perhaps we need to look upon the source of toothpics for the answer.
Toothpics technically were used in ancient China when paper was being invented. While preperation of the wood pulp was going on, the bark of the wood was often temporarily placed in the mouth to free up working space for the hands. Despite an occasional swallowing, it was soon discovered that the pointy bark could be used to clean those hard-to-reach areas of the teeth. The comb actually came about as a result of an inventive lad who attempted to put dozens of bark pieces on a larger stick to try to clean the whole mouth at once.
As you can see, the history of toothpics is evidently complicated, which is why it seems so hard to change what has effectively been hundreds of years of hygiene history. With the invent of dental floss, it would have seemed like toothpics would quickly lose their place in society now that a thin string could be used to viciously attack one's teeth and gums. As it is, few people actually use dental floss while millions are still loyal to their toothpics
What is the fascination behind the thin, three inch piece of wood? Many theories underline this from the classic Freudian theory that it resembles a penis, if the penis has three inches long, very thin, and made of wood, to the ideas that it is our closest feel of our ancestory and monkeys that chew on wood and leaves, while still being socially acceptable. My thoughts are that the association created with toothpics is remarkable:
As an example, if a guy is using a toothpic, chances are that deep in his mind he's thinking that he's a bad-ass, old-Western tough guy. Doc Holiday used to chew on toothpics. John Wayne is another classic figure who we can picture with one. Still not convinced? Guys...have you ever had a toothpic and tried to flip it up and around in your mouth? I thought so. Western talent. You feel cool when you do it. Try doing that with dental floss. Yeah, you just get a mouthful of dental floss.
But that still doesn't change the fact that men each year attempt that trick, get surprised, swallow the toothpic, and it slashes open their esophagus on the way down, and they drop dead right there. Just as the public becomes more aware of these dangers, the evil toothpic companies devies brilliant schemes to get people coming back. Like cinammon flavored toothpics. And mint flavored toothpics. And ask yourself, why is it that every product available to the public has its ingredients on the side of the box. Except for: cigarettes and toothpics. Coincidence? I think not.
Go now in peace. And remember, the next time you see someone slipping a toothpic into their mouth, slap it out of their hand or mouth quickly....you may be saving a life.
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