Copyright 1995 The Baltimore Sun Company
The Baltimore Sun

November 10, 1995, Friday, FINAL EDITION

SECTION: EDITORIAL, Pg. 23A

LENGTH: 563 words

HEADLINE: Money can't buy love

BYLINE: Mike Lowe

BODY:
CONGRATULATIONS Baltimore! As a native-born Clevelander and a life-long
Browns fan, I want to be the first to congratulate you.

You certainly deserve it. You'll look so good with those dog noses, throwing
biscuits and snowballs at the opposing players. Do you want to buy my extra
biscuits? In 1987 I just missed Mark Gastineau with one of them. Make sure you
bundle up when you go to the game, it can get really cold with the wind whipping
off the frozen lake.

Just like that great playoff game in 1980 against the Raiders when the
wind-chill factor was 37 degrees below zero. That was the year of the Cardiac
Kids. Brian Sipe threw an interception in the endzone when the Browns were down
by two with 16 seconds left. I remember walking back across that bridge into
town with my Dad and brother and I couldn't believe how quiet 80,000 people
could be. Weren't you disappointed too that day? Did you own one of those
"Twelve Days of the Cleveland Browns Christmas" records that so many of us
Browns fans bought ("On the first day of Christmas, Art Modell gave to me, a
Rutgliano Super Bowl team")? You don't have one? Well, I guess you can have mine
for a couple bucks.

How about those heartbreaking losses in 1987 and 1988 -- The Drive and The
Fumble? Do you remember where you were when Earnest Bynar fumbled on his way
into the endzone? You didn't watch it with me at the Browns Backers Club of
Boston where I was going to school. It's probably for the best, we were all
really bummed after that game. Of course, we all left the bar reciting the
familiar Browns mantra, "We'll get them next year." Did you get one of those
cool "Beware of the Dawgs" t-shirts and the "Bernie Bernie" record (sung to the
tune of "Louie Louie") that was so popular that year? I guess I'll sell you mine
if you want it.

You know, while I'm at it, I guess you can take the Browns pennant that hangs
on my wall. My grandmother bought it for me about 17 years ago when the Browns
were playing so badly. Those were depressing times. But at least we had Greg
Pruitt. Do you remember how he would run right through those tear-away jerseys
on his way to the endzone? You don't have that memory? Do you want to buy mine?
Maybe I'll throw in my memory of the time that Tom Darden spoke at my school and
I got to shake his hand. What will you give me for it? What will you give me for
the feeling of honor I had when I was a caddy and I got to clean Art Modell's
clubs for him? I'll give that up pretty cheap.

Anyway. Take what you want. Money can buy anything, can't it? It bought you a
team! Cleveland's team! My team! Enjoy it! Don't worry about me, I guess I'll
just restrict my loyalties to the Ohio State Buckeyes. I'm pretty sure that they
won't be moving. But please do me a favor. Be good fans. Don't get down on the
Browns when they come up just short in the big game -- that's just the Browns.
They'll get 'em next year. And don't be embarrassed to wear orange and brown --
those colors are only ugly to those who don't understand for what they stand.
Please don't give up on those players who are loyal to you -- like Bernie Kosar
-- even after the coaches have given up on them. And please, do me one more
favor: Get one of those delicious steaming hot dogs on a chilly December Sunday
at the stadium. And choke on it.

TYPE: OP-ED, COMMENTARY

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