Beginners
So you're interested in bondage, but you
don't know where to start....It all seems so scary. It doesn't have to be. You
are not the only one out there who feels this way. There are lots of people who
enjoy bondage....on both sides of the whip. There is nothing to be ashamed of
and nothing to fear as long as you know the basics.
First things first. Let's clear up a few misconceptions about both the practitioners
and the practices of bondage:
Bondage is not just about getting someone into an inescapable situation and hurting
them.
People that practice bondage are not rapists, psychos, or other nasty, monstrous
types.
Bondage is all about the fulfillment of deep and primal needs.
It is an act of love, not violence.
There is just something wonderfully sexy about the idea of surrendering or being
in control and enacting a fantasy that is "forbidden".
It is cathartic, loving and beautiful in a way that you cannot possibly conceive
unless you've been there and done it.
Here are a few guidelines for the novice....
Choosing a partner
Bondage is not a solo practice. You need at least one other partner to safely
satisfy that urge, whether you are dominant or submissive. Selecting the correct
partner is crucial. Make sure that this person is someone you know well and that
you trust implicitly. This person should be made well aware of your intentions
and desires and should be 100% consenting. No if's and's or but's.
Communication
Proper communication is an absolute must. It does not just start and end before
the act. It is imperative that you and your partner/s establish effective means
of communication throughout all of it. Make sure that everyone involved is aware
at all times of how you feel about what you are doing or having done to you. This
is not necessarily going to kill spontaneity or ruin a 'scene' for anyone. Quite
the contrary. Before anything happens, be sure that you have a set of SAFE WORDS
and/or signals ready and committed to memory. For those who are unfamiliar with
the term SAFE WORD, it is simply put, a word, signal, or phrase that has a definite
meaning to the person/s that hear/s it, usually when the submissive has been pushed
beyond the limit of what s/he finds pleasurable and needs the dominant to stop
or lighten up a bit. If you do not use safe words, you will find that bondage
is suddenly a very dangerous game, and at the very least, people will not want
to play it with you.
Mutual Support
Bondage, by its very nature is a highly emotional activity. It pushes both the
dominant and submissive parties to their respective emotional and sometimes physical
limits. There will be times that both sides need the support, approval and love
of the other. Never ridicule your partner for not being capable of performing
an act which is beyond their personal limits. Spend time after your session being
affectionate and receptive. Just because your submissive can't physically handle
having his or her elbows tied together doesn't make them defective. Just because
your dominant squicks at the mere idea of making you roll around in diapers acting
like an infant doesn't make him or her a wimp. This is just personal taste. Some
of us just can't do these things. It's nothing to criticize. Move on to something
you BOTH enjoy. Trust me, you'll come upon a situation you personally can't handle,
and you'll be glad of having someone tell you that you aren't defective/wimpy/whatever.
Establishing Limits
Everyone has things they just do not enjoy. Bondage doesn't change that. Make
sure you establish a set of limits before you even think about embarking on a
session. Be honest with yourself and your partner or the experience will not be
all it could. If you dislike being struck a certain way or with certain objects,
let your dominant know this. If you don't, there are very good odds that you will
regret it. Discuss these things honestly and openly with your partner so that
s/he knows what you do and do not want. As a dominant, I am frustrated by not
knowing how far I can go, or what I am expected to do. I am not afraid or ashamed
to admit this. If you or your partner cannot honestly set down your limits and
respect them, then maybe bondage isn't for you or them.
REMEBER: When you dominate somebody, you need to be INCREDIBLY AWARE of EVERYTHING
that is happening in the scene. If you slack on this issue, you could end up seriously
injuring your partner mentally or physically. Being a TOP does have it's rewards,
but eternal vigilance is the price you pay for being in charge.
When securing your submissive, pay close attention to how tightly you tie them.
Make sure that you do not cut off circulation or stretch muscles too much. Ignoring
this can lead to embarrassing hospital trips, not to mention possible permanent
damage to nerves.
When using handcuffs, the standard police issue handcuffs can sometimes cut the
nerve of sensation from the wrist to the thumb.
Also, handcuffs that do not have a small chain between them (these are usually
attached to each other by a hinge that can fold the cuffs together) can be dangerous.
If somebody falls while wearing them, they can break a wrist.
If using hoods or gags, be very sure that the person who wears these objects can
breathe freely. If they can not, adjust the hood or gag until they can. Asphyxiation
is a terrible way to die.
If you're using a rubber ball gag, it's a good idea to use one with snaps on the
strap instead of buckles, in case there's an accident, and you need to get the
sub out of the gag quickly.
Always use a safe word or signal to halt play in bad situations. It can save your
relationship or even save your life.
Never leave a bound submissive alone in a room. Not only is this emotionally dangerous,
but physically as well. This goes double for someone who is gagged and bound.
If your bondage play includes sex, always make sure you practice safety measures
like condoms, spermicidal gels, etc. Always make sure you are tested regularly
for STDs like herpes or AIDS and that your partner does likewise.
When using toys like vibrators, vampire gloves, butt plugs, or anything else that
has the possibility of getting bodily fluids on it, make sure you WASH IT after
EVERY use. Whether or not you continue to use it on the same partner, you still
need to make sure everything is clean. Infection in those "oh-so-tender" areas
can be at least annoying, and at most debilitating until they go away.
If you do have multiple partners, it's a good idea to use completely different
implements on them. Latex can only stop so much folks...It's better to be safe
than sorry.
Always make sure that you are with a consenting partner, and that all of your
activities are mutually consentual.