This Hurts My Existence
Here is a growing number of things which have hurt my existence over the years.
The Stella Awards for 2004
Once again it's time to announce the winners of the annual Stella Awards.
The Stella's are named after Stella Lieveck who spilled hot coffee on herself
and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the "Stella Awards" for the
most frivolous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This year's awards go to:
5th Place (tie)
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers
after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the
verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
5th Place (tie)
19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his
neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.Truman apparently did not
notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he tried to steal the
hubcaps.
5th Place (tie)
Terrence Dickson of Briston, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just robbed
by way
of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the
automatic door
opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door
connecting
the garage to the house locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation and
Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a
case of Pepsi
he found and a large bag of dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance company
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the
tune of $500,000.
4th Place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses
after
being bitten on the buttocks by his neighbor's Beagle. The dog was on a chain
in it's
owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the
dog might
have been provoked at the time, since Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the
fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania
$113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The
beverage
was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier,
during an argument.
2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a
neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked
out two of her front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak
in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st Place
This year's runaway winner was Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago motor home. On the trip home from
a OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at
70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back and make himself a
cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's
manual that he could not actual do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a
new Winnebago motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the
basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete morons buying
their recreational vehicles.
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Personal things
1. People who decide to drive next to each other on a two lane each way road.
2. People who steal the price signs at retail stores.