MRJOHNTESH THINKS
I am mrjohntesh, and I have many thoughts. This is my "blog." This is where you will learn about me, and who I am. I am mrjohntesh. But there is more to me than meets the beholder. Yanni will be envious of this because he never learned to write in English, that Grecian bastard.
April 13, 2005--
Still perplexed about what iceberg lettuce is and what purpose it has in my life. Realized today that my talking Tamaguchi is a failure, scolded it, and banished it to the linen closet. MRJOHNTESH JOKE OF THE DAY: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE LAUNDRY ROOM THAT WANTED A BEATLE'S REUNION? YEAH? THEY COULD NOT DO IT, BECAUSE JOHN LINEN IS DEAD.
April 12, 2005--
Mrjohntesh has awoken from a Rip Van Winkle like nap that consisted of:
1. Sixteen hours of ignoring my wife, Connie, until she was convinced she was deceased and could not be seen;
2. Polished off 18 bars of delicious tofu chocolate while crying to a marathon of Golden Girls;
3. Took 1000 laps in my ivory swimming pool before coating it with red ink dye and leaving a floating dummy there when the guests for my party arrived;
4. Knawed on all my table furniture while in a dazed state thinking I was a feral beaver.
All in all, it was a good time, guaranteed for all, for the benefit of Mrjohntesh. Later I went stalking Sean Lennon's house and left notes in his mailbox telling him what a failure he is. I saw Art Garfunkel down near Mulholland and convinced him I had some really good H but then ditched him at the gates. I can still hear him crying. I prank called Richard Simmons and told him I was Jared Fogle and that my cheese had slipped off the cracker and I regained 500 pounds and blamed him. Richard squealed and offered to personally sweat me back to the oldies but I told him it was just Yanni calling and I felt post-menopausal and that he was a bastard with the best looking hair I'd ever seen aside from Choodles, my pet Zebra.
March 7, 2005--
Mrjohntesh is sad.
Sunday, November 3, 2002--
Mrjohntesh saw "Bowling for Columbine" today, from Michael Moore, who I enjoyed theologically in "Roger and Me." Mrjohntesh wonders why those kids needed to use guns... they should have done what I did. When some burglars broke into my mansion, I took my trusty Salad Shooter (purchased for only three installments of $19.95) and broke off the blender part and used the electric blades as a weapon. Unfortunetly it turned out to be Connie's parents making a surprise visit....-- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Friday, November 1 2002--
I smell unusual today...-- mrjohntesh thoughts
Saturday October 19, 2002--
Had an upset bowel movement from my luncheon at Kenny Rogers Roasters... thought I saw Kelly Ripa on the street, but it was just Shelley Long from "Cheers" and she was selling star maps. I purchased one and looked for my house, and then followed the directions to it and arrived in my doorway. My wife was pleasantly surprised. Tomorrow I will look for Donny Osmond's home... I understand he's got a gorgeous outdoor fountain...-- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Wednesday October 16, 2002--
Received a call from an old friend of mine from the chess club, Claude Emerson. He's a savant even though his IQ is only 135... ha ha ha! I was making love to my wife this morning when we realized the embarrasing mistake that I was doing a live broadcast show off my radio, and that a huge portion of my audiecne that day was tuning in at a church in San Diego. After a while it stopped bothering us and I was too lazy to switch the mic off, so we continued to soap and lather one another with honey dew and coconut and have passionatly loud sex in the grand fireplace....-- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Tuesday October 15, 2002--
I had the Jared Fogle dream again. I asked Bennie, the delivery butcher, what the signifigance of it is, when I ran into him on Rodeo Drive. He was busy pummeling the milk man but he told me that he thinks the reason I dream about Jared so often is because of my lack of Eggo Waffles and Capri Sun. I was quite agitated and went and bought myself a grand white piano that I paid some Mexicans to deliver to the backyard, and while I strummed the notes I had them pour vats of mayonnaisse inside it, because I an thoroughly convinced that mayonnaisse is the answer to the perfect musical notation. It's tough being me.... -- Mrjohntesh thoughts,
Monday October 14, 2002--
I often look at myself in a mirror and say to myself, "How can I be so genuis?" but then I realize, I am of the "genus" homo sapien. So that is why I am a genuis.... -- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Sunday October 13, 2002--
I often wonder what my life would be like if I was a crouton, and forced to live my remaining days on the salad bowl that is life. I would hope I could land on some crisp iceberg lettuce. I always enjoy my lettuce when it crackles.... -- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Friday October 11, 2002--
Iceberg lettuce.. why do they call it that? Mrjohntesh thoughts
Tuesday October 8, 2002--
I saw Elton at the Mirage today during my weekend trip to Las Vegas
with the guys from my studio. He was sporting a lovely new feather boa around his neck which I comlimented him on for his ellegance. We advanced our way to the Bellagio and I was awestruck by the hanging mushrooms on the ceiling, which I commented to Elton was detailing a certain exquisite montiff. The color of the stained glass was not unlike that of the tiles I put in my bathroom last summer, except when I look at these I do not see a reflection of me sitting on the potty...-- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Saturday September 30, 2002--
Why do some people spell it "catsup".... -- Mrjohntesh thoughts
Wednesday September 25, 2002
I'm savant. I know I am, and yet, when my intellect and ability to be so incredible has reached the stage of savant, where do I go from there? I have to look inside my soul, and I see the answer to all of life: what is the soul? I, mrjohntesh, have finally found it. Whilst at my grand piano, a thought struck me... the soul.. the eternal question that has plagued us thought provoked individuals who don't bother watching Oprah because we know she pays some homeless guy to play "Doctor Phil.." it is this.. the soul is: my old paid of Reebok pumps. I purchased them in 1990 when a studious fan told me they would be hot to trot- Alas they were, but the movie starring Bobcat Goldthwait and a horse was not.... -- Mrjohntesh thoughts, September 2002
mrjohntesh loves goooooold