Maddie rocks my cotton socks. So does Emily’s accent J

This chapter is gonna be a look into the mind of Fiona. Brace yourselves.

I’m talking to Jesse now, so if it seems to not make sense, its because I’m not really paying attention J

 

 

Chapter 5 – I’m Happy Wondering

 

 

            “The truth of love is tested most when you’re alone.”

            These words were so true. I sat in my apartment—alone—wondering about my life. Was I ready for Joel? Am I ready to move on? It all happened so quickly, was this really happening? Before I could think about my future, I have to close the past. Closure. That’s all I need.

            Evan…now it’s my turn to write you. I always said everything you wanted to make you smile; even if it didn’t make me smile. I thought you would never make me cry. I’ve felt more happiness and sadness than I care to remember.” I stopped to collect my thoughts, “I’ve felt empty and hollow…complete and careless. I drowned in the sea of romance. All for you. All for you.”  Memories of us started to plague the back of my eyelids. I knew I wasn’t crazy.

            But you, you quit on me. Like there was nothing worth perusing. All of our happiness amounted to nothing in the end. Nothing…because it wasn’t enough to make you stay... I paused, now I’ve changed. I’m me, only different. I guess I could say that I owe it all to you. You, the person who turned my world upside down, who made me eat my words and compromise. You showed me how it feels to be alive. To laugh, to love and still be able to cry in the end. I felt a tear escape my eye and watched it hit the paper. Maybe one day we could still be friends. Maybe we could talk and joke around like best friends do. Because I loved you once. Once. Not now, not forever, but once.

            I remember the night you asked me to be yours. I was caught off guard—breathless—if you will. Still in our hug, I was shocked…lost…mystified by your words. The streetlights shimmered all around us. It was perfect. Surreal. In that moment, I said yes. I remember your first promise to me…that you would never leave me. If you were so unhappy, why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why couldn’t you tell me like a man?

            I guess I wished that one day I would be yours forever. One day we’d move into a house after we’ve wed. My teeth clenched at those memories I had.

            Suddenly, everything felt lighter. Weights had been lifted off of my heart. I realized that I was living in the past. Living and remembering from everything that I felt before.

            Why not take a chance with Joel? What do I have to lose? Nothing. What do I have to gain? Everything. Life, love, happiness. The chance to be free again. To dream of shooting stars dancing in the sky. All for me. All for my love. He was perfect—the romantic—everything I wasn’t. But maybe it’s time for a change. Change is good.

            These last weeks that we’ve talked; I’ve grown fonder of him. Maybe I’m ready. What’s there to lose?

            I looked up at my alarm clock. 12:08. Joel’s flight was arriving soon. I’d better get going.

            I opened the door, mystified. My heart started pounding faster and faster. I could feel my body start to run cold and shake from the shock.

            “Hey Fi.”

            I stared into his deep brown eyes, my jaw dropped; I was lost for words. “He—hey.” I managed to say, “What are you doing here? I thought your flight didn’t land for another hour.”

            “I lied.”

            “Why?”

            “I wanted to surprise you.” It was a mean joke, but a good one. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

            “No, of course not. Come in.” He came into my living room, still amazed by the artwork. “Want anything to drink?”

            “No, I’m good.” He took a seat at my kitchen table. “It was long, boring. I was just excited to see you again.”

            I blushed, “Yeah.”

            His cell phone rang, “It’s my girlfriend, I gotta take it. You mind?”

            My heart dropped to the floor, “no…of course not.” He went into the other room. His girlfriend? I heard him right—right? My thoughts were interrupted by his soothing voice.

            “Sorry, she just wanted to make sure everything was cool.”

            I half smiled, “ok…” I had no idea what to say.

            “So what do you want to do?”

            “Lets um, lets…”

            “Food?”

            I smiled, “Yeah, I know this great place across town.” I grabbed my jacket and we headed off to my favorite diner.

           

We sat down in a corner booth facing each other, laughing at the corny jokes he was making.

            “So what’s she like?” I asked, fearing the answer.

            “Who?” He replied.

            “Your girlfriend.”

            “Oh, Steph? She’s great. I met her after a show in Pittsburgh.”

            “Oh, cool.” I turned my attention down to my tea. Joel stopped my hand from stirring.

            “Are you ok?”

            “Yeah, of course! Congratulations!

            “You know…never mind.” He said.

            “What?”

            “Nothing, you just seem bothered that I have a girlfriend. Are you sure you’re ok? That you just wanted to be friends?” I didn’t say a word. I didn’t have to. He looked at me again; I smiled. “Actually…to tell you the truth…I don’t like Steph that much. I think I’m with her just because I need someone…someone that I may not want.”

            “I know the feeling.”

            He cocked an eyebrow at me, “You’re jealous! Aren’t you?”

            “No.”

            “Come on, yes you are.” He squirmed around in his seat. I denied it again. He laughed, “I KNEW IT!”
            I started blushing, “So what if I am?”

            He sat back, “Oh, never mind.”

            There was an awkward silence for the rest of our meal. “Hey, lets go rent a movie?”

            “Yeah! I’ve been wanting to see American Beauty for the longest time.”

            “Are you serious? I have that at my apartment.”

            We went back to my apartment and watched American Beauty three times, quoting the same lines over and over.