I raised my arm in hopes it would land on my alarm clock. I always hated the buzzing sound it made in the morning. I’ve got an hour to shower, eat and commute to school. It’s been two lonesome years that I’m in New York; and I missed Maryland a lot. I sluggishly stood up and walked into the kitchen, and made my favorite breakfast. As I sat down to eat my English muffin with cream cheese and jelly I scanned through the personals and didn’t find anyone to my liking.

Just then my roommate Ayla walked in looking flawless. I guess you could expect that from a girl like herself. She was very vain; she always had to make sure she looked perfect. Ayla was in it for herself, and didn’t care about what anyone had to think about it. She liked to live on the wild side; she would stay out until dawn, go to school, come home and do homework and amazingly, get up to do it the next morning. She was a free spirit, everything I wasn’t.

“So where did you go last night?” I asked.

“Oh nowhere special.” She replied, while getting a glass of orange juice. She sat down next to me, drank her juice then placed her head in her hands. “I met this guy Billy in Times Square. He said he’s in a band Good Charlotte. O we started talking and hung out for the night. How about you?”

“Good Charlotte? That’s Paul’s band! I said.

“Oh cool.” Ayla had a sound on fake enthusiasm in her voice. I hate it when she does that

“Yeah, you’ll finally get to meet him. But for now, I’ve gotta go or I’ll be late for class.”

“Oh, You really need a boyfriend Hailey.”

“Thanks, I haven’t noticed.” Although Ayla could sometimes be a bitch, she was always there when I needed her. Which made her my best friend.

 

After class I went to work at a coffee shop uptown. Work had been slow so the afternoon went slow too. I looked up and a familiar head sitting in one of my booths. It looked like Paul, but it couldn’t be him.

“How can I help you sir?”

“Hello, can I get a regular cup of coffee?”

“Anything else?” And to my surprise it wasn’t Paul, although he did have the same piercing blue eyes as him.

“Nope, that’s it”

After work I went home to finished whatever homework I had left. When I walked in I saw Ayla and Billy on the couch making out. It was just what I wanted to see. I walked through the living room to get my books on the coffee table ignoring them until I needed my jacket, which they were laying on. I yanked it out from underneath them then walked out of the apartment unnoticed.

There was a place in Central Park that I loved to go to when I wanted to be alone. I guess it was because of the mix of the people and scenery. I loved watching people as they walked and played in the park. I finished my homework there, but it was too early to go back to the apartment, I was scared of what was going on. So instead I took out a sheet of paper and started to draw this little girl playing in the sand. I loved to draw. I felt like it was relaxing and liberating. My drawings, like me, were eclectic. They ranged from little girls in the park, to portraits of my worst nightmares.

After an hour of drawing I headed back to my apartment, and I was surprised to find Billy gone.

“What happened to Billy?”

“What do you mean?” Ayla replied.

“Billy’s gone, what happened?”

“Does it matter?” Ayla asked.

“No, forget I said anything.” I walked into the kitchen and dialed my favorite pizza place.

“He had promotional stuff at 7.” Ayla said while getting a glass of water.

That night I watched my favorite foreign film Amèlie while pigging out on the pizza that Ayla attacked as soon as it got in the apartment. Around 9 o’clock there was a knock on the door, which woke me from my sleep. When I opened the door my jaw dropped and my face lit up with happiness. It was Paul!

“Paul? I had no idea you were going to be here this early in the week.”

“Don’t sound so surprised Hailey”

“I’m just…shocked to see you.” His hair was now a shade of brown, but his face looked the same. I had forgotten how much I loved his smile and his eyes, they were

 “Come in.”

“Did I wake you?” Paul asked.

“Actually, yes, you did. I was watching Amèlie and fell asleep.”

“Oh cool, I love that movie.”

“Really?” I said while sitting back down on the couch.

“Actually, no. I’ve never heard of it. Do you want to do something now?”

“Ehhh, sure. Just let me get ready.”

Paul and I decided to go to my favorite place in Central Park. It was perfect at night when you watch the stars and the moon reflect the water in the ponds there.

“I can’t believe I forgot how much I enjoyed being with you. It’s been forever since I’ve seen you!” I told Paul.

“I know, even though things didn’t work out with us in the past, I still feel like we can be friends in the end.”

I guess from seeing Paul again, my feelings for him started to grow. It felt like a knife to the heart when he said he just wanted to be friends.

“Yeah, I mean, if things didn’t work out for us in the past, they certainly aren’t going to work out now.”

I bit my lip in shame because I couldn’t believe what I had just said. That wasn’t what I was thinking at all! Paul and I decided to skip the park and go get some drinks. I rarely drink, but tonight I felt like shit, so I needed to get plastered.

The next morning I woke up with a hangover like I never imagined. I tried to roll over onto my right side, but someone stopped me. Paul was in my bed sleeping. I couldn’t even remember what happened, but the thought that I lost my virginity this way plagued my thoughts. I got out of my bed and as I stumbled into my kitchen I felt myself getting sick. After I made myself breakfast I sat in the living room and watched TV. Paul stumbled out of my bedroom and sat down next to me.

“Hailey, I think we need to talk about last night.”

“Yeah Paul, what exactly happened?”

“I don’t know, but whatever it was, couldn’t have been good.” Paul said.

How could he say something like that? He obviously wanted something to happen if he let it.

“I can’t believe I let this happen. What will Marie think?” Paul said.

“Marie? Who’s Marie?”

“Hailey, I haven’t been completely honest with you. Marie is my girlfriend from Maryland. We met when I was doing a show down there right after we split up. We’ve been dating ever since.”

I felt anger rush through me like a bat out of hell. Without even thinking I yelled at Paul to get out of my apartment and to never come back. He made me feel used and abused.