“I miss you so much” Ayla continued “I can’t wait until you guys are here in New York again.”

I was so tired of hearing Ayla constantly talk to and about Billy. It’s been a few weeks and I must admit that I was still a little sour about the Paul issue. I didn’t know why I couldn’t move on. This has never happened to me.

“Do you like Paul?” I couldn’t believe that Ayla was asking me this.

“Of course I like him”

“I don’t mean like that”

“I don’t know… I just.” I stopped to let out a sigh. “I cant explain it...it doesn’t even matter. He's with someone else.”

“I think that you should give him a call. Billy says he hasn’t been too talkative and he hasn’t eaten much.”

“No!”

Ayla stood up and raised her voice “COME ON HAILEY! It’s tearing you two both apart!” she calmed down “You love him, admit it.”

I stood up. “You don’t understand! …You’ll never understand!” I walked into my bedroom not even closing the door and plopped onto my bed. There it was. My telephone. It sat there like it was mocking me; laughing at me in the face because I wouldn’t call Paul.

 

When I awoke from my hour nap I decided to take a chance in calling Paul to see how he was.

“Hello?” He sounded weary and sick.

“Paul? It’s Hailey.”

“Oh hey” His voice perked up a bit when he heard my name. “So I take it you don’t hate me now?”

“I never hated you Paul, I was just angry and frustrated.” I paused trying to think of what to say next. “We shouldn’t throw our friendship out of the window over something so stupid. We have so many years behind us. I was just feeling from the things I could remember, and mostly from what I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, it’s been what? A good 5 years we’re friends. Hopefully more.”

“I just couldn’t stand the thought of being the girl you cheated on your girlfriend with.”

“It doesn’t matter, she broke up with me.” Paul said.

“What happened?”

“I was honest and told her what happened.”

“Oh God Paul. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. I think we went out for all of the wrong reasons anyway” he continued, “Besides, I’m in love with someone else.”

“Who?”

He paused and finally said “You”

My heart dropped as I heard that simple three-letter word. This is what I’ve been wanting for the past month; for Paul to tell me he felt the same way. But for some reason it just didn’t feel right. I mean, he said this at the expense of losing someone else; maybe he’s just on the rebound. I hated myself for always thinking these things at times like this. This is what I’ve been wanting and its finally here; I should be embracing this, not questioning it.

“I—I…I” I stuttered at the thought of these words.

“Yes?” Paul asked.

“I…I have to go. Ayla needs my help with something. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok, I love you.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone and couldn’t believe I threw my chance with Paul out the window. I put my face in my hands for a moment and let out a tear. “I love him, why couldn’t I tell him?” I said to myself out loud.

“Because you’re scared.” Ayla said.

“What?”
            “Hailey, come on and admit it. You’re scared of what would happen if you and Paul got back together.”

“I am not! I’m just—”

“Just scared?”

I waited a few seconds before answering, choosing my words wisely. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m stuck here, and he’s out there on tour you know?”

“Hah! Actually, I do. Remember BILLY?”

“Oh yeah. Well, I’m just scared of what will happen…or what wont happen.”

“I know…but you have to put those feelings aside. And tell him how you feel. Trust me. He’ll understand.”

And with that word of advice, I kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed. Ayla went off into the living room and I fell asleep listening to her talk to Billy.