::sniff:: it’s the final chapter. Hope you enjoy it. It’s going to be a long one.

 

 

 

Chapter 25 – Moving On

 

 

            Paul tightened his grip around my waist and whispered, “I love you” in my ear. I couldn’t help but cringe at the sound of those words. I tried to pry his hands off of my waist, but he wouldn’t let go. He quickly grabbed my hands, spun me around and kissed me softly on the lips. He looked down at my hands in his and then looked at me.

            “Where is it?” I knew what he was talking about. The room started to get hot as my heart started to pound faster. I could feel my hands starting to get cold as I thought about what to say to him.

            “Where’s what?”

            “My ring that I gave you.”

            I exhaled a deep breath and looked down. “I…” I looked at him in the eyes and my heart trembled. “I—I haven’t…I”

            “What is it? What’s wrong?” Pauls eyes started to look confused.

            I dropped my hands, “I need to talk to you.” I walked over to my bed and sat down. He followed me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t…” I whispered. He dropped his arm and looked at me in the eyes.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “I don’t know how to say this…I was never good with confrontation.”

            “So then why don’t I ask you questions? Will that make it easier?” I nodded. “Ok...first off, why haven’t you been wearing my ring?”

            “I feel uneasy when I wear it.”

            “Was it too soon? Did I make you feel like you had to wear it?”

            I turned towards Paul, “No. It’s not you. You’ve been nothing but amazing to me. I had to fuck it up.” My eyes started to tear, “I couldn’t help what happened. I was just talking to him like anyone else about my problems and then before I knew it he…he kissed me. And I stopped him and then…and then I kissed him back. I’m sorry Paul. I never meant to hurt you. You’ve been amazing and I had to fuck it up. I’m sorry—”

            “You what? With who?” I could see the pain in his eyes. “How could you? How could you do this to me again?”

            I started crying, “Do you remember that day when Benji and I talked in the hallway?” Paul nodded. “I was talking to him about my problems and before I knew it, he kissed me.”

            “So Billy was right. That’s why you and Benji were distant. I should have seen it coming.”

            “I’m sorry—”

            “Don’t…don’t talk to me. I can’t believe you would do this again. I can’t believe you would cheat on me with Benji. WITH BENJI! My own band mate! I should have known you haven’t changed. You haven’t changed at all.”

            “Don’t you dare say that me Paul. Yes, it was my fault we broke up the first time because of my stupid thing with Jesse. But don’t you dare say that.”

            “What the fuck are you talking about?” He stood up and started walking for the door.

            “What am I talking about? What are you talking about! You want to end this now, because of a stupid kiss with Benji!? What about when you slept with Ayla? I forgave you.”

            Paul said nothing and left the hotel room. I could feel myself losing everything. It was all over now. All in one minute…everything was gone.

 

            Two hours passed and I was still sitting in my room crying. Maddie and Emily attempted to talk to me, but I would ignore them or scream at them to go away. I found enough strength to get up and take a shower. When I got out I didn’t even bother to unpack some of my clothes, I knew I was leaving tonight.

 

            There was a knock on my door, “Hailey? Are you ok? Are you up to talking?”

            I opened the door in my towel and smiled when I saw Maddie on the other side. I tried to speak but I couldn’t find my voice.

            “Oh man…” Maddie stepped forward and gave me a hug. “Let me help clean you up.”

            I closed the door and followed Maddie over to a chair overlooking the city. “It’s beautiful…isn’t it?”

            “What’s beautiful?” Maddie looked at me while trying to find some clothes for me.

            I sighed and continued to stare out of the window not answering Maddie. She handed me some clothes and I went into the bathroom to get changed. While I was in there, I could hear other voices in the hotel room besides Maddie’s. It was either Joel or Benji. I hoped it wasn’t Benji.

            I slowly opened the door to find Benji asking Maddie if I was ok. He looked at me; his face went blank when he saw mine. Without speaking to him I tried to walk around him, but he grabbed my arm.

            “We need to talk…” he whispered. I threw my towel on a chair and twisted my arm out of his hand. I took a pen that was lying on the nightstand and wrapped my hair into something that resembled a bun.

            “I think I’ll leave you two alone.” Maddie gave me a hug, “Call me in you need me.”

            She left closing the door and Benji sat in the chair. “What happened with you and Paul?”

            “What do you think?” I raised an eyebrow.

            “I’m so sorry. It’s all of this is my fault. I should have never kissed you.”

            “It’s ok. It was going to happen sooner or later. I just…don’t want to leave yet.”

            “So then don’t.” Benji cocked an eyebrow with a smirk on his face.

            “But me and Paul…it’s going to be weird.”

            “Stay for me?” I couldn’t believe what Benji had just said.

            “Stay for you? But what about Emily?”

            “I don’t think she’s going to be staying for much longer.”

            “What happened?”
            “I told her what happened with you and me. She said something like she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t commit. She felt like she had wasted a year of her life with me. She’s leaving for England at 2:15.”

            “Oh man…I’m so sorry Benj. I feel like it’s all my fault. Maybe I should talk to her.”

            “It’s not your fault. And, I don’t think talking to her is a good idea. You know how she is when she’s pissed.”

            I nodded, “So what now?”

            “I don’t know…” Benji paused, “Do you want to do something? It will make the tension not as…stressful.”

            “I’d love to.” I grabbed my jacket and left my room with Benji. Anything had to be better than sitting in that hotel room.

 

Instead of getting a cab, we decided to talk around Chicago and see what it had to offer. I still had a headache, so I didn’t want to do anything that involved noise, and it was too early for a club.

            “I know where we can go!” Benji walked behind me and covered my eyes with his hands.        

            “Where are we going?” I tried to pry off his hands but he wouldn’t let go.

            “You’ll see.”

            After a few minutes of stumbling around Chicago, Benji finally took his hands off of my eyes. I tapped my own shoulder just to make sure I was still alive.

            “That’s not funny.”

            “Come on, you know it is.” I mocked Benji. I looked up and saw the sign ‘Chicago Children’s Museum’ and giggled, “A children’s museum? Well at least your original.” ((Hehe I loved my idea for the children’s museum for Amanda’s fic…so I’m using it in mine J)).

            Benji laughed while taking my hand in his, “This is going to be fun.”

            We walked around looking at the various hands on activities that we could do, but none of them seemed entertaining enough. “Aha! Look!” I pointed to giant plastic bubbles. “We so have to do that!”

            Benji ran off to the bubbles but stopped dead in his tracks when the attendant told him to stop, which gave me time to catch up. I patted him on the back, “Good job Benj.”

            We stepped inside the bubbles, but everything changed inside. The walls were hard and holographic—a picture of the solar system.  

            “Oh poo. I thought it was going to a soft bubble.” Benji said.

            I laughed and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the bubble.

            “What next?” I looked over to a build-a-bear station. “Lets build a bear!”

            “Ok...if we must.” Benji said sarcastically.

            Benji and I built bears for each other. My bear for Benji had a guitar and a yellow tutu. Benjis bear for me had a mullet and a microphone.

            “It’s beautiful.” I hugged the stuffed animal and Benji stared at my necklace.

            “Wow...you still have that thing.”                            

            I looked down and grasped the locket; “I never take it off…you sound disappointed that I still have it.” I laughed.

            He smiled, “Oh no I’m not mad. I’m happy you like it.”

            I smiled back and took Benji’s hand. “Let’s go.”

            We walked back to the hotel embracing the sunset. “I had so much fun today.”

            “Me too.” I replied, “When is Emily leaving?”

            Benji looked at his watch, “2 hours ago.”

            “Oh no, you missed your goodbye.” I stopped walking and Benji stood in front of me.

            “Nah it’s ok. I don’t think she would have talked to me anyway…it’s better this way.”

            “Yeah…” I sighed, “I think I’m going to leave tonight.”

            “No! You can’t go! Stay! Please?” Benji pleaded with a hopeful look in his eyes.

            “I have to go. Give me one reason why I should stay.” I said with a grin.

            Benji kissed me passionately. At that moment, I knew everything was going to be ok. I felt safe and secure in Benji’s arms; a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. Benji pulled away from the kiss and looked at me attentively in my eyes. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. “Let me say it for you. I love you.” I whispered. He smiled and continued to kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and embraced the moment.

 

            Benji and I parted ways so I could get my things in order; I had a 6:30 flight. When I walked into my hotel room I noticed a card folded on my pillow.

            “Dear Hailey,

                        Words cannot express how sorry I am about this afternoon. I should have never said half of the things I did. I’m sorry things had to turn out like this, but I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

           

                                                Love,

                                                Paul.”

 

            I picked up my keys from the end table and headed off to Pauls’ room. I had to settle this before I left. I knocked on the door and waited for him to answer.

            “Oh, it’s you.” Paul said.

            I bit my lip and sighed, “Please don’t let me leave without talking this out.”

            “Leave? Why are you going? When are you going?”

            “I booked a flight back to New York at 6:30.”

            “Why are you going?” Paul gestured for me to come in.

            I sat down on the comfy chair by the window, “As much as I want to stay, I know I can’t.”
            “Is it because of you and me?”

            I nodded, “I just don’t feel comfortable knowing that we’re not together and I’m around you.”

            “Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” Paul sat on the bed.

            “Yes it does. Because I know that there’s always gonna be that ‘what if’ thing with us. Like, what if things worked out. Or what if Benji and I never kissed. Or what if Benji and I weren’t together. You know?”

            “You and Benj are together?” Paul’s voice became harsh.

            “Sort of. Look, I don’t want to start another fight. I want to leave knowing that everything is cool between us. I want to know that if someday—in its highly unlikely situation—we’re walking down the street and we see each other and we don’t turn the other way, or give each other cold looks. I want to know that we’ll stop and say hello and talk about how our life has been. I want to know that someday you can forgive me, like I did you. I want everything to be normal between us; like we can act like civilized people and not think ‘what a bitch’ or ‘I cant believe he did that’ in the back of our minds. Can you give me that?”

            “You’re asking for a lot.” Paul said.

            “Paul—don’t be like that. Please. I’m telling you the truth. I never meant for it to happen. I never wanted you to be hurt. Don’t you know that I love you? And as corny as it may sound, I want you to know that even though I may move on, I will always love you. Forever. I’ve shared so many things with you that I cant with any other person on this planet. I wouldn’t have shared those things if I didn’t truly love you. I’m not perfect; you’re not perfect. People make mistakes. But not everyone faces those mistakes. It wasn’t easy having to face the fact that I cheated on you—again. It wasn’t easy to tell you this.” My eyes started to tear and I saw Paul starting to look more and more hurt.

            “I know…it just pained me because you did this again.”

            “I love you Paul. Hate me if you want to but I will always love you.”

            “I don’t hate you. It’s just that I couldn’t believe that you would do this to me again. With Benji. My own band mate!”

            “You said that already.” I smirked.

            “It’s just that, things are gonna be weird between me and Benj for a little bit. We’ll get over it, but for now it’s gonna be weird. Honestly, I can forgive you, but I don’t think I’m ever going to forget this. It’s always going to be in the back of my mind. Every time that I talk to you, see a picture of you, or every time that I see you and Benji together or hear him talk about you. It’s going to pain me.”

            “Don’t worry about that. I was never one for PDA, and I’m not going to start now. You and I both know how much I hate it. And I know that things are going to be weird with you and Benji. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for everything. Damn it Paul! I’m sorry!”

            Paul laughed, “Damn it!”

            I laughed it off, “But I think that if something so stupid could split us up, then it really wasn’t going to last much longer. Maybe this happened for the better. Maybe when you leave Chicago you’ll find someone else that will make you happier.”

            “Happier than you made me?”

            I blushed, “Yes, happier than that.”

            “So is everything cool between us?” Paul looked at me in the eyes.

            “I’d like to think so.” I stood up and hugged Paul. “I’m glad we were able to talk it out.”

            “Yeah…”

I went back to my room to pack my things and found Benji looking out of the window.

            “So is everything cool between you and Paul?” Benji said while still staring at the sunset.

            I walked up behind Benji and wrapped my arms around him, “I think everything is going to be alright.”

            He turned around, “Are you two back together?” I lightly kissed Benji on the lips. “I’ll take that as a no.”

            I laughed and he kissed me again.

            “Hailey are you ready? Your flight is leaving in—what are you two doing?” Joel exclaimed.

            “Nothing bro…” Benji answered.

            “Yep, I’m all packed.” I leaned my head on Benji’s shoulder.

            “What happened with you and Paul?” Joel asked me.

            “We’re not together anymore.”

            “I could tell that one…but is everything cool?”

            “Yeah...” I smiled.

 

                       

            “Flight 853 to LaGuardia Airport is now boarding.” The announcer said.

            “Well that’s my flight.”

            Maddie gave me a hug; “Don’t forget to call me everyday.” She tightened her grip, “I’m going to miss you so much!” I started crying in the middle of our hug because I realized that I was probably going to miss Maddie the most out of everyone—aside from Benji of course.

            “I won’t forget. I promise.” I took a few more seconds to embrace her. When we let go I noticed the tears streaming down her face. We laughed at each other and then smiled.

            I moved onto Joel, “Take Care Hailey, I’m gonna miss you.”

            I sniffled, “I’m gonna miss our long talks.”

            “What long talks?”

            “Exactly. We need to talk more often.”

            I moved onto Billy next, “I know I probably didn’t say this as much as I should have, but you mean a lot to me. I probably would have never survived the whole Paul/Ayla thing if it weren’t for you. I never got a chance to thank you. Thank you.”

            Billy gave me a hug, “No problem; anything for a friend. If you ever need to talk to me, call me anytime, ok?”

            I nodded while wiping away my tears.

            Benji and I hugged each other, “I’m going to miss you so much.” He whispered in my ear.

            “I know, I’m gonna miss you too.” I jumped up and wrapped my legs around Benji’s waist.

            “I love you Hailey…I love you.”

            I smiled, “I love you too Benji.” More tears started to stream down my face and he put me down. “Goodbye, call me everyday. Ok?”

            Benji nodded, “I will.” He kissed me passionately one last time.

            I picked up my bags and walked to the gate. As the flight attendant ripped my ticket I heard my name being called from a distance.

            “Hailey!” I turned around; Paul was fighting his way through the crowds. “Hailey!”

“Paul!” I dropped my bags.

“Hailey, I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.”

I looked at Paul in the eyes, “Goodbye Paul.”

He hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, “Goodbye; I’ll miss you.”

I recollected my luggage and walked onto the terminal.

 

My first month back in New York was a lonely one. I called everyone every day.

“We’re getting off of tour soon, so maybe you can come back with me to Waldorf and spend some time with me.” Benji said.

“I’d love to. I just have to give my workplace notice.”

“Alright cool, I’ll give you details next week.”

“Speaking of work, I have to get going.”

“Alright…I love you.” Benji said.

“I love you too.”

I walked out of my apartment and across the street was an advertisement for The Young And The Hopeless. I smiled as ‘Waldorf Worldwide’ came on my headphones. I walked to work singing “Everything’s gonna be alright yeah..”