| Stanley Tucci's Godless Conspiracy Against Humanity |
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| Who is Stanley Tucci? |
| Stanley Tucci is a demon of Hell. He is the First Lieutenant in the Western Hemisphere Legion of the devil Malephast's army, and bearer of the Unholy Chalice of Necrotic Dystopia. To humans he appears as an unassuming Caucasian male; the demonic bile that pumps within him hidden by dark magics. He has appeared on this continent since time immemorial, and he has always posed as an actor of sorts, be it film actor, stage player, or as a teller of stories. His true name is unknown, but the Sumerians called him Yeslantcucti, and he has enjoyed using that name, or anagrams of it, since the ancient times. |
| His Goal |
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| Tucci's goal is simple: Apocalypse. He seeks to find the Hierophant who can read the Satanic script found on the Obelisk of Khine. This would of course reveal the location of the Ttalan shrine hidden in Mexico, thus enabling the summoning of Malephast's hordes. Though many believe the Hierophant has yet to be born, Tucci has sought him patiently throughout the eons. |
| His Allies |
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| Tucci is served by his two demonic familiars, T'patl and Shlahobu, currently known to humanity as Oliver Platt and Tony Shalhoub. These two monsters have served Tucci ever since he ascended to the rank of First Lieuntenant. The presence of the familiars is easily detected by the aura of irritation they project. Those who have been near them report feeling annoyed, as if by a slight but unending headache. Platt also smells funny. |
| Tucci Facts |
| In 1854 Tucci provided false information to Tsar Nicholas I which lead to the Crimean War. In 1912 Tucci, a passenger aboard the Titanic, summoned icebergs up from the depths of the ocean to slaughter the mighty ship's passengers. In 1914 Tucci assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand, thus starting the first World War. In 1921 Tucci administered a poison to Franklin D. Roosevelt, leaving the president stricken with poliomyelitis. In 1970 Tucci pushed an Ohio National Guardsman, thus triggering the Kent State Massacre. In 1995 Tucci starred in A Modern Romance. It was terrible. |
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| Howler monkies fling poop. Duck. |
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