| Ten Things You Can Do |
| To Fight |
| Blimpton's Dry Cleaning |
| 1. When you see Blimpton's employees loading clean clothes into their vans, pelt them with your feces. 2. Invent a dance called The Blimpton's Dry Cleaning Services, Inc. Sucks Dance. 3. Discover the company president's elderly mother's phone number, and call her to let her know she raised a godless sodomite. 4. Offer handouts on street corners entitled "Mountain Lions and Dry Cleaning: Are You Safe?" 5. Change store signs to read "Blimpton's Burning Discharge Store". 6. Have a child and name it Death To Blimpton's. 7. Get fifty people to patronize Blimpton's, and write bad checks. 8. Steal a U.S. Navy fighter jet and bomb the bejeezus out of the Blimpton's Headquarters in Rimville, South Carolina. 9. Run for President of the United States, win the election, then declare March 16 to be National Death to Blimpton's Day. 10. Take a vow of nakedness. |
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| "Never Forget, Never Forgive!" |