 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Go Home |
|
|
|
Photos of Home |
|
|
|
|
|
Some photos I have taken of my home area are placed below, with explanations behind their taking which may vary in their accuradcy to quite considerable degrees, or there again they may not. It is up to you to decide which you believe, and which not... |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
This is a trained stunt cow, who learnt her trade as Vin Diesel's understudy during the filming of 'Triple X'. She has a deep love of 'guns', which she has developed by shooting the grass into submission rather than the more traditional bovine pursuit of eating it. Unfortunately, after a few months of this behaviour, she suffered from severe malnutrition, stripping her legs of all their muscle and fat as her body ate itself through the grass less period. Through an advanced course of shoving stuff down her neck, she has regained much of her stomach mass, though it has yet to trickle back down to her legs, which is why you won't be seeing her on the big screen for a few more months, as she finishes her rehab. This shot was taken when recently she finally picked up a strand of grass herself for the first time in seven years, though she did later place the grass across the terminals of the visible power line, as she 'Prefers her food to move'. |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
These next are not in fact cows, but rare fungi, growing in the bizarre conditions found at dawn on the 31st of February each year. This date can only be achieved by trained professionals, so don't try going to see them yourself, but if you ever get a chance to be taken by someone who knows what they are doing, take them up on it. It is guaranteed that 'the rising of the cowrooms' will be the most majestic sight you will ever see, as their spores fill the air with a light mist and the fungus buds into up to a thousand cow shaped (and sized) objects, which have a mean lifetime of three seconds, before collapsing back down into the ground once more for another year. This photo was taken with a special 'fungus' lens, which has reduced the possible abberations due to stereo toadstool effects considerably. |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
This is a top secret photo, and I'm not even sure if I should be showing you this. If you are uncertain whether or not you have top level government clearing, it is probably best you simply kill yourself now, else the consequences when found with this photo in your possession could be severe. Assuming you have the relevant clearing, I can tell you that this is a photo of a very interesting propulsion system recently developed by top Ministry of Defence scientists, involving as it does a highly pumped up cow (filled with flammable gas) and a lit match. The resultant vehicular motion is extremely difficult to control, but according to at least one defence chief, it will make 'The ideal weapon, no one will ever expect Daisy of being the secret attack vector.' Few other details can be revealed, except that this cow is almost certainly not the Daisy in question, but one of her less skilled predecessors, now unfortunately embedded in nearby countryside. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
This noble warrior, the great yet little known Munjunctious Urn of Pinksmoor, is preparing for battle by dressing as a dog and staring enigmatically through long grass. This is believed to focus his/her (no one is quite sure) mind and thus increase the ferocity of his/her attacks later in battle. If the eyes are stared into carefully, the seven standing stones of Pinksmoor, believed to be great focii for psychic power, are visible reflected. It is believed Munjunctious uses these to harness great quantities of magical energy in order to pull lots of rabbits (and on occasion hares) out of top hats in order to bemuse any warrior opponents, as they are unanimously stupid. He later won the battle, though stubbed a toe. |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Go Home |
|