�Diary of David Bryons, Science advisor, joint NASA/ESA �Trip to Mars�:
July 28th: (the final entry)
I have decided that I�ve had enough, and am finally going to do something about it. Not another high-five will be demonstrated on this trip, for I intend to end the American problem, permanently. The nasty �prank� they used on me with the scooter fuel will work just nicely on their oxygen reserves, but I won�t be coming to fetch them at the last minute. I�m going to kill the bastards. Then I�ll take a couple of the emergency suicide pills provided, and finally my ordeal will be over. I shall send a message to earth to tell them we have been attacked by a giant beast, to give the press a bit of a story, but that is, of course fictitious. Our studies pretty conclusively show there is NO life on Mars, even on a bacteriological scale.
You, whoever has found this, should therefore not worry about the threat of aliens, which I am sure you are concerned about. You know the terrible truth now, that I was the �Martian Beast�. Don�t think badly upon me, the evidence of this diary shows I was not entirely without provocation. As you follow in our footsteps, I only hope that you took precautions against your real enemy, each other. So from the first Martian trip to the second, or perhaps third, or whichever, goodbye.�
The eyes clouded in frustration. The strange being (to whom the eyes belonged), finally having given up on deciphering the long rows of icons on the artefact in its, ahem, �hand�, threw it down in disgust, where it landed with a thud on the dusty Martian plain. It continued its search through the Earth rocket for useful objects, still chewing on the remains of its lunch.