*********************************************** 3x3 Eyes Fanfiction - "What If... OF COURSE" Written by: Mr. Kyanwang Email: Sanjiyan82@hotmail.com Website: http://www.geocities.com/mr_kaiyanwang *********************************************** Copyright info: The cast of "3x3 Eyes" belongs to Yuzo Takada, Pioneer, and other copyright holders. "OF COURSE a human can be made Sanjiyan by the Humanity Ritual!!!" Chapter Seven: Radio: Duuuude looks like a lady! Duuuuude looks like a laaadddyyyy! It was a fascinating sight that day at the park. Strangers had stopped to take a look when they found others standing in a circle, surrounding something. What was so fasinating, you ask? Why, it's the 3x3 Eyes gang doing the Humanity Ritual! Somebody even brought a radio! The Ningen no Zou was placed on the soft grass in the center, and Shiva, Pai, and Yakumo surrounded it. Benares stood behind Shiva, Youko behind Pai, and Haan behind Yakumo. Everyone seemed to be staring at each other. Sanjiyan (staring and angry at Yakumo): You idiot! How could you let Kaiyan talk Pai into doing this?! Yakumo (staring at Benares): Well, HE didn't stop his master from asking! Benares (staring at the Shiva): But Master said it would work... and it did! Shiva (staring at Parvati): You did say "yes", Pai. Youko (staring at Haan): What are we doing here? Haan (staring at Youko): I have no idea. What's going on? Mr. K (yelling from the crowd): It's the Humanity Ritual, stupid! Finally, after a couple of minutes (which seemed like hours), the gang decided to start up the ritual. Shiva, Sanjiyan, and Yakumo held their hands together while Benares began to chant a strange sounding rhyme. Benares (chanting): Orange, apple, watermelon! At once, all three eyes from the left side of the statue suddenly glowed! Benares (chanting): Lemon, lime, banana! And then all three eyes from the right side of the statue glowed brightly upon that chant! Benares (chanting): Cherry, strawberry, grapefruit! The eyes from the center side of the Ningen no Zou glowed, signaling that the statue had finally been fully activated. And if you want another sign, the faces on the statue smiled! No, smirked, really. Grinned, actually. Yakumo (scared): Oh, man... I don't know if I can do this! I'm not even a Sanjiyan Unkara! Pai (confused): Where am I? Shiva (humming "Carmen Suite No. 2"): Da-da-DUM-DUM!... Da-da-dum-dum... dum-dum-dum-dum- dum-dum-dum-DUM-DUM-DUM! Da-da-DUM-DUM! Benares (yells): EYE OF THE BEHOLDER! At once, all the eyes on the Ningen no Zou statue flashed a bright beam and smacked all of its participants with a powerful force! Now normally, anybody would have been blown away, but the three held on tight! There was a brilliant flash of light, so bright that even Benares had to shield his eyes from going blind. So of course that went for everybody else watching. The light lasted for a couple of seconds, and then... POOF! Gone! Just like that. When all became clear, everybody could be seen on the ground, knocked down from its forces. The Ningen no Zou rested on the grass -- its eyes were no longer glowing. It had completed what it set out to do. The only ones still standing were the guys that participated in the Humanity Ritual. Shiva, Pai, and...... Haan!?! Shiva and Pai stared at Haan in shock; all three of their eyes were wide open and scared. Haan could not notice, for he was too busy rubbing his eyes from having them exposed to bright lighe. But.. where was Yakumo?! Well, if you look a little further, you could clearly see him on the ground, right under Haan. Haan (rubbing eyes): Man! My eyes! That hurts! A moment later, Haan finally came to and saw that the other two were staring at him with shocked expressions. Haan (confused): Uh, that's creepy. Why are you guys staring at me like that? And what the hell am I doing standing here? Pai (shocked): H-H-Haan... y-you... you... Shiva (shocked): It's... it's not possible! No! Haan (O_o): Uh, what's the matter with you two? At this point, Benares, as well as everyone else and especially Yakumo, came to from the blinding bright light. They pulled themslves off the ground and observed what had happened -- and they, too, could not help themselves but stare at Haan. Haan (O_o;;): O-okay. Now I'm scared. Why are you all staring at me like that? Benares (O_O): Kid.. what the hell happened to you?! Haan (rubs his chin): Huh? Well, uhm, I was trying to warn Fujii about the fly that was buzzing around his shirt, but then I saw the bright light, and... Yakumo shoved Benares out of the way and grabbed Haan by the shoulders. He glared at his forehead. Haan (disturbed): Gah! Fujii, what the hell are you doing?! Yakumo ignored him and, curiousity taking over, he poked Haan on the forehead with his index finger. That, of course, caused Haan's third eye to blink and him to wince in pain. Ouch. Haan (in pain): OW! What the hell is the matter with you, moron?! Why'd you poke my eye for?! Yakumo (taking a step or two back): It's... it's real! Haan! Y-you.. you..! At last, it dawned on Haan Hazrat. He finally realized what had happened to him, and why everyone was staring at him like creepy, homicidal maniacs. He couldn't believe it himself, but it was true. The evidence sat on his forehead! Haan (shocked): I.. have a third eye? I-I.. I have a THIRD EYE!??! Haan jumped and ran around in a circle in panic; anxiety and fear finally took over him. Everyone else just stared, speechless. After 5 or so minutes of this ridiculous marathon, Haan paused to catch a breath or two. It was then he noticed a piece of notebook paper sticking out of the center Ningen's mouth. Haan snatched the paper immediately and read it. Haan (reading): T-to the participants: We apologize. Due to the l-lack of a third Sanjiyan Unkara in the Ritual, the three of us decided to r-reverse the effects. Rather than turn two Sanjiyan Unkara into humans, we went and t-transformed the lone human into a Sanjiyan Unkara. Thank you for reading, and do have a n-nice day. The crowd was stunned. No, surprised, really. No, shocked, actually. Eh, whatever. Shiva (disappointed): Does this mean that I don't get my addition boost of power? Benares (also disappointed) I'm very sorry, sir. Shiva (disappointed): And after all that work! Benares (also disappointed): Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. Without saying another word, Benares and Shiva both left, leaving the Sazan gang all to themselves. Pai (confused): So Haan is a Sanjiyan now? Haan (confused): But I can't be a Sanjiyan Unkara! This isn't right!! This is all your fault, Fujii!! Youko (staring at Haan's forehead): Haan... I really can't believe this. Haan (sobbing): I-I can't believe it either, Youko! Yakumo (sighs): Yeah, me neither. Pai (still confused): But what will Haan do now that he's a Sanjiyan Unkara? Haan (slaps forehead): I can't believe this is happening to me! * * * Later that night, Yakumo, Sanjiyan, Haan, and Youko were in Mama-san's bar. They were all, of course, discussing the events that had happened to Haan earlier in the day. Sanjiyan (staring at Haan's new eye): Wow, this is a very interesting plot twist. You did a great job, Mr. Kaiyanwang-san. Mr. K (blushes): Ah, shucks. You're too kind, Parvati-sama. Haan (annoyed): Who cares about Mr. Kaiyanwang?! What am I supposed to do now that I'm a Sanjiyan Unkara?! Sanjiyan (folds arms): Well, now that you're a Sanjiyan Unkara, you're going to have to watch yourself every minute because Kaiyan's underlings are always out to get you. And of course, you're going to need a new Wu. A powerful Wu at that. Haan (sighs): Where am I gonna find someone willing to be my Wu??! Upon asking that question, all eyes turned to Youko. Youko had a look of shock on her face, which seemed to be a common thing nowadays. Youko (shocked): Huh?! M-me?! Sanjiyan (nods): It's only fitting. You are quite a powerful demon yourself, and you and Haan are a couple, aren't you? Youko (blushes): Well, uhm, uhh... Yakumo (nods also): Yeah, Ayanokouji! It'll just be like me and Pai! Speaking of which... Pai (happy): Where am I! Yakumo (surprised): Pai! You're back already?? Boy, Sanjiyan must be really tired today. Pai (happy): Yakumo, Yakumo, Yakumo! Pai is hungry! Where is the food?! Yakumo (^_^;;): Oh, boy... While Yakumo ordered food for Pai, Haan and Youko watched on, noting how happy the two seemed to be. Haan (watches): Hmm. Youko (watches): Hmm. They continued watching as Pai slobbered all over the food. Haan (watches): Hmm. Youko (watches): Hmm. And even so when Yakumo told Pai not to eat so fast. Haan (watches): Hmm. Youko (watches): Hmm. Finally, after a few more minutes, both Haan and Youko decided. Haan (nods): I want Youko to be my Wu. Youko (nods): And I want Haan to be my Sanjiyan master. However, the problem was that no one was listening. Pai was still slobbering and eating while Yakumo was still trying to calm down her eating habits. A few more minutes passed, and the feasting was done with. Yakumo became tired, so he felt asleep. In the bar. Pai had decided that she, too, was tired and went to sleep, paving the way for Sanjiyan to come out. Which she did a couple of second later. Sanjiyan (looks at Haan and Youko): Okay, so you two have chosen that you want to be with each other? Haan (nods): Yeah! Youko (nods): Yes! Sanjiyan (folds arms): Alright, then. Haan, I'm going to teach you how to get a Wu. Now, because you and your selected Wu are from two different genders, you have two ways to do this: the person has to be near-dead... just like Yakumo was, for example. You don't want that, do you? Haan (shakes head): What?! No way! Youko (sips a cup of tea): What's the second way, Seima-sama? Sanjiyan (smirks): Heh, heh, heh. Well, the second way is to... to... heh, heh... consummate with each other! At once, Youko spat out her tea, while Haan had a frozen look on his face. Youko (O_O): WHAT??!? Sanjiyan (folds arms): Well, those are the only ways. Haan (stunned): You're kidding me! If those are the only two ways, then how the hell did Benares become Shiva's Wu?! Or Ganesa with that old Kaiyanwang guy??! Or even Parvati III and Madurai??!! Sanjiyan (smirks): Uh, Haan, you do notice that in all three cases, the Sanjiyan Unkara and the selected Wu are of the same gender? Haan (annoyed): S-so?! There has to be some other way! I... I can't do... you know... with Youko! I mean, I-I'd like to, but.. it's not right! It's not time yet! Sanjiyan (shrugs): Well then, I guess you'll have to find another Wu, Haan. Suddenly, Mama-san appeared from out of nowhere! She took a seat next to Haan and Youko, and looked at them both with an extremely curious expression on his face. Haan (nervous): Uhh, Mama-san... Youko (nervous): Mama-san... what are you...? Mama-san (grins): Did I hear the word "consummate"??! Without warning, Mama-san reached into her kimono's pocket (do they even have pockets?) and... pulled out a key! A key to her apartment, to be precise. She handed the key to Haan. Mama-san (grins): Now, Haan, it's only one night. Don't you do anything too extreme to poor Youko-chan here! Youko (sweatdrops): M-Mama-san! You really don't expect us to...?!? Mama-san (nods): Of course I do! Now get your asses out of here, you two! Scoot! And with that, she grabbed Haan and Youko with her superhuman strength and tossed them out of the bar. * * * Haan and Youko had no choice but to walk to Mama-san's apartment. Neither of them knew what was going to happen when they get there, but for now, they're going there. When the two of 'em finally reached the apartment, they sat on the couch and stared at each other. They had no idea what to do now. Haan (nervous): Hmm. Youko (also nervous): Uhm. Suddenly, Haan had an idea. 'Tis was a good idea, actually, and he knew it would get him out of doing... you know... with Youko. Of course, Haan liked Youko and all, but he just ain't ready for that sort of thing. Anyway, back to Haan's idea. Haan (stands up): Hey! Mr. Kaiyanwang! Get out here! Youko (confused): Huh? Mr. K (in the kitchen): Hold on, dude! I'm making a sandwich here! A few minutes later, the writer of this brilliant (yet ridiculous incoherent) fanfic appeared within his own creation. Mr. K (takes a bite out of the sandwich): Yah? Haan (glares at Mr. K): Alright, you! I demand that you turn Youko into my Wu without having us doing... you know! Mr. K (chewing.. chewing): And why would you want me to do that? Haan (annoyed): I don't know! I just want Youko as my Wu without us having to do... you know! And you, as the writer of this fanfic, have the power to do that! Mr. K (shrugs): Of course I do. But why would I want to do that? Haan (annoyed): Uh, because Youko and I are your favorite 3x3 Eyes characters and you wouldn't do us harm? I don't know! Mr. K (shrugs again): So? I like Shiva better than you. Haan (>_<;;): Dammit, man! Will you just do this as a favor for me?! Mr. K (shrugs.. again): Eh. Well, fine. I'll do you this favor, but remember -- you two owe me. Big time! Haan (nods): Yeah, okay! Just do your stuff! Mr. Kaiyanwang, being the almighty and powerful being he was, pointed at both Haan and Youko with two fingers. From those fingers shot out two beams of energy! And then, almost like magic, Youko's soul came out of her body and entered Haan's! A bright red "Wu" mark appeared on Youko's head as she became an undead Wu! When his job was done, Mr. Kaiyanwang resumed eating his sandwich and promptly left Mama-san's apartment. That left Haan and Youko alone. Haan stared at Youko, while Youko stared at Haan. Haan (staring): Youko... you really are my Wu now. Youko (staring): Yes, Haan. Damn, ain't that somethin'? And that, folks, concludes this chapter of this fanfic! See you in chapter 8! * * * END OF CHAPTER 7