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3x3 Eyes Fanfiction - "What If ... OF COURSE"
Written by: Mr. Kaiyanwang
Email: Sanjiyan82@hotmail.com
Website: http://www.geocities.com/mr_kaiyanwang
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Copyright info: The cast of "3x3 Eyes" belongs to Yuzo Takada, Pioneer, and other copyright 
holders. "Mr. Satan", "Satan City", etc belongs to Akira Toriyama, Toei, and other copyright 
holders. "Neko-chan" belongs to me, Mr. Kaiyanwang.


"OF COURSE a human can be made Sanjiyan by the Humanity Ritual!!!"


Chapter Eighteen:


Radio: I want a girl with a smooth liquidation (smooth liquidation!) ... I want a girl with good 
dividends (good dividends!) ... At Citibank we will meet accidentally (meet accidentally!) ... 
We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen! ...

Inside Satan Mansion's lobby, everybody was enjoying themselves. The poker tables had been moved 
in from the front lawn. Yakumo, Pai, Youko, and Haan were playing, with a frustrated Haan losing. 
On the other table, uhh ... only Benares and Shiva were there. And they weren't playing; no, they 
were chatting. Shiva grinned evilly for some reason, and Benares smiled proudly. It was as if 
they were up to something. Hmmmmmm ...

Shiva (grins): Benny, it's about time we got on to business, don't you think?

Benares (smiles): Yes, I quite agree.

Shiva (points at upstairs): Come, Benares! We shall find our mother and complete the second 
coming of the Humanity Ritual!!

Benares (...): Umm, but sir? We still need a third Sanjiyan. That Sanjihaan fool kidnapped 
Latori.

Shiva (rubs chin): Hmm ... damn that bastard! They're always one step ahead of us, aren't they!?

Benares (scratches head): Uhm, who?

Shiva (points at Yakumo, etc): Them! The goodie goodies! Well, anyway, I guess we'll just have 
to gather Mother-sama, and then find my Auntie Latori!

Benares (points at sofa): Mother-sama is over at the sofa, reading a newspaper. Let us go and 
fetch her.

Shiva (nods): Yes, let us go!

With that, the two got off their chairs and slowly sneaked over to the sofa. Out of nowhere, the 
two now worn black ninja suits, complete with swords and masks. Shiva still held the Ningen no 
Zou in his arms with dear life, of course. Ushasu saw them coming, and raised her eyebrow at her 
son and his Wu.

Ushasu (O_o;;): Uhh ...?

Shiva (shhh): Mother-sama! Be quiet! We don't want those idiots to notice! We're going to sneak 
out of here, and find Auntie Latori!

Ushasu (...): But why? I'm sure Neko and Satan can take care of her.

Shiva (!): Feh, Mother-sama! Feh! Have you forgotten the reason we're here!? To complete the 
second coming of the Humanity Ritual! And we can't do that without Auntie Latori! So come, 
Mother-sama! I propose that we go find her ourselves! And then complete the ritual when we do!

Ushasu raised her eyebrow even higher. Shiva's sudden change of personality was, to be honest, 
just downright disturbing. Must've been due to the fact that he's Kaiyanwang and all. Ushasu 
placed her newspaper aside and agreed to go with them. She nodded at her servants, and they 
opened the front door for her.

Shiva and Benares resumed their sneaking, hiding behind Ushasu and making good use of their 
just-gotten-ninja abilities even though nobody cared. An ominous presence surrounded the two 
evil doers (or lack thereof). How do we know there's a presense? Well, we could clearly see a 
dark green haze surrounding the two evils. But no matter how obvious that is, our friends were 
oblivious to their actions. Why? Simply because Haan had just lost the game and was whining 
too loudly for anyone to notice.


* * *


Somewhere in the darkness, we see a closeup of Sanjihaan laughing evilly. And loudly. In his 
hand was a metal fork ... oh no, he's armed! As he laughed, he stabbed the folk into ... a 
plate of spaghetti? And meatballs?

Sanjihaan (eating): Mmm! I love spaghetti and meatballs! Mmm!

The darkness fades away, and in the background we see ... people dining? We could clearly see 
waitresses? What the hell? And in the foreground, we see Sanjihaan, in a nice suit, making a 
mess of consuming his meal.

Sitting across from his was Latori. Tied up and confined to her chair. She had a stressed look 
on her face. Below her was a cup of coffee, just waiting for someone to drink it. Sanjihaan 
looked up from his devouring and at Latori.

Sanjihaan (looks): What's wrong, babe? Your coffee's getting cold.

Latori (=_=;;;): You tied my hands to my back. How do you expect me to drink?

Sanjihaan shrugged and grabbed her coffee. He promptly drank the whole cup, then placed it back. 
Latori's eyes widened at this action.

Latori (O_O;;;): ...!?

Sanjihaan (shrugs again): Hey, I was thirsty. Tomato sauce makes me thirsty sometimes.

Latori sighed, and looked around the restaurant. Some of the customers looked back and waved. 
She sighed again, then tried one more time to break free. Of course, she couldn't. Truth be 
told, this Sanjihaan guy was actually smarter than she thought. He had tied her hands to the 
back of the chair, and wrapped his tuxedo jacket around her to conceal the ropes.

At that point, Sanjihaan suddenly waved for a waiter ... in a restaurant with nothing but 
waitresses. A waitress with tanned skin in a weird homemaker's dress walked over. She had 
spikey blond hair very much like Sanjihaan's, yet braided in the back. In her hands was a 
notepad.

Kiiru (nods): Hey, I'm Kiiru. What do you need?

Sanjihaan looked over the menu, trying to decide what else he should order. He had spaghetti 
already, so that's out. Hmm ...

Sanjihaan (looks): Do I want chicken salad? Nah ... BBQ ribs? No, that's not what I want. 
Let's see ...

Kiiru (...): Uhm, may I suggest beef and veggies over rice? It's one of our chef's specials.

Sanjihaan (raises eyebrow): Beef!? You want me to get Mad Cow Disease? I'm Sanjihaan, the 
greatest power in the Universe! I can't get sick! Baka! Kuso!

Kiiru (...): Uh, whatever. You gonna order something, or are you just gonna babble?

Sanjihaan (annoyed): Bah! I don't know what to order from your menu. What do you suggest?

Kiiru (O_O;;): You ... have got to be kidding.


* * *


Elsewhere not far away, we see a pretty woman walking down the streets of Satan City. Two 
"ninjas" followed her, creeping behind and making passerbys point and laugh at them. Ushasu 
sighed in annoyance.

Ushasu (sighs): Uh, Shiva dear, is it really --

Shiva (shhh): Mother-sama! Shhhhh! We're ninjas! Nobody's supposed to know we're here! So if 
you wish to communicate with us, you must whisper!

Ushasu (raises eyebrow): Riiiight. Uhm, is it -- 

Shiva (!): Whisper!

Ushasu (whispers): Is it *really* necessary for you guys to creep behind me like that? I mean, 
people are staring at us, kids.

Benares (gasps): Kaiyanwang-sama! That means they can see us!

Shiva (rubs chin): Yes, I know! We mustn't allow that! Hmm ... let us think of a way to 
conceal ourselves! Hey, I know!

With the snap of fingers, Shiva and Benares' ninja outfits suddenly disappeared! In its place 
were baggy shirts, pants, orange puffy hair, and makeup. Clown makeup. Yes, Shiva and Benares 
had transformed from ninjas to clowns. Ushasu's eyes widen in horror.

Ushasu (O_O;;;): Shiva dear!? You're a ... clown!?!?

Shiva (smirks): Mother-sama, this is the perfect disguise! All this makeup on our faces will 
conceal our identities! And these baggy clothes will hide the shapes of our bodies! See? I'm a 
genius!

Benares (scratches head): Uhhh ... I'm not too sure if I like this disguise, Kaiyanwang-sama.

Shiva (sighs): Benny, have I ever let you down?

Benares (scratches arm): Well, actually, you --

Shiva (grins): Come on, Benny, be honest.

Benares (scratches face): Uhmm ...

Shiva (smiles): Well?

Benares (sighs): Sir, it's just that I ... have a fear of clowns.

Dum dum dum! *GASP!* ... or however that "suspense" music piece goes. Shiva and Ushasu both 
raised an eyebrow upon hearing this revelation. And I'll bet you're raising yours, too. Aren't 
you? Well, I'm raising mine. O_o;;;

Ushasu (surprised): You're scared of ... clowns? YOU?

Benares (embarassed): Yes, Mother-sama.

Shiva (stunned): Benny, I never knew. Why didn't you tell me this before?

Benares (...): Because it's not something I like to spread around, sir. I have my pride to look 
after.

Shiva (rubs chin): I suppose so. Well, you want me to change your disguise?

Benares (nods): If it's not too much to ask for.

Shiva (breathes deeply): ... actually, it is. So I'm afraid you're stuck with that costume for 
now. But hey, I'm not heartless, so I'll change mine so you don't have to live with your fear.

Benares (O_O;;;): Uhhhhhh ......

With that, Shiva's costume magically transformed from clown to ... not clown. In place of the 
baggy clothes and makeup was his old pink and purple striped t-shirt and worn out jeans! Yes, 
it was the same set of clothes Shiva worn back in chapter 4 when he first disguised himself as 
a human!

Ushasu smiled at Shiva's new outfit. This set was MUCH better, and less embarrassing. But that 
Benares, however ... that clown costume had to go. Just like Shiva, Ushasu snapped her fingers, 
and the clothes on Benares' body magically changed from clown to his usual style. The leather 
jacket, the black tanktop, the jeans ... yep, the "Classic Benares" style.

Benares (sighs in relief): Whew.


* * *


A few blocks down from the restaurant that Sanjihaan and Latori were in, we could see two 
figures running down the street. One of them was the agile and skillful Neko-chan, and the other 
was the buff, not as agile Mr. Satan. Both were, of course, on a mission to save Latori.

Neko ran quite fast, but not at her full speed. For she knew that doing so would cause her to 
leave Mr. Satan behind. However tempting that was, Neko-chan knew it wouldn't be right. But she 
couldn't help herself to yell at him a bit.

Neko-chan (yells behind her): Hurry up, you idiot! We don't have all night!

Mr. Satan responded by running as fast as he could. But he was only an above average human that 
happened to have the strength to pull buses. Strength: that was his strong point. He wasn't an 
immortal Wu like Neko, and he sure as hell wasn't a Sanjiyan Unkara like his wife. So it was 
only expected that he wouldn't catch up to his wife's Wu.

And just as expected, when he ran down a block, the citizens of his city recognized and cheered 
him. Chants of "Satan! Satan!" can be heard. Mr. Satan couldn't resist to stop for a second and 
wave at his fans. This in turned slowed him down some more, as well as annoy Neko-chan.

Neko-chan (yells): BAKA! What the hell are you doing!? Let's go!

Mr. Satan nodded and resumed his running. Neko shook her head, then also continued. A few 
minutes later, they ran across the very restaurant that Sanjihaan had kidnapped Latori in. Neko 
raised her eyebrow when she saw Sanjihaan arguing with a waitress through the window. She walked 
into the restaurant, with Mr. Satan following behind.

Sanjihaan (arguing): No, I don't want hamburgers!

Kiiru (angry): Then order a cheeseburger!

Sanjihaan (annoyed): They're the same thing! Urgh!

Kiiru (annoyed): Argh!

At this point, Neko-chan and Mr. Satan walked over to them. Latori noticed and sighed happily. 
Sanjihaan's eyes widen when he realized that he was surrounded. Neko-chan drew out her sword, 
and Mr. Satan freed Latori. Kiiru took a back step when she saw what was about to take place.

Sanjihaan (O_O): Eep.

Neko-chan (points sword at Sanjihaan): You're gonna die for kidnapping Latori-sama!

Then, without another word, she slashed her sword at Sanjihaan! The Sanjiyan Unkara jumped away 
with surprising agility and caused Neko to chop the table in half. He then jumped out the window, 
smashing it and sending glass everywhere. Neko-chan growled and also jumped, chasing after him. 

Mr. Satan stood watching with Latori in his arms. He was dumbfounded. Just then, he felt a light 
tap on his shoulders. He turned around to find Kiiru and other waitresses in his face.

Kiiru (glares): I hope you're going to pay for the damage, Mr. Satan.

Mr. Satan stared at her with his eyes wide open and mouth hanging.


* * *


END OF CHAPTER 18