*********************************************** 3x3 Eyes Fanfiction - "What If... OF COURSE" Written by: Mr. Kaiyanwang Email: Sanjiyan82@hotmail.com Website: http://www.geocities.com/mr_kaiyanwang *********************************************** Copyright info: The cast of "3x3 Eyes" belongs to Yuzo Takada, Pioneer, and other copyright holders. "OF COURSE a human can be made Sanjiyan by the Humanity Ritual!!!" Chapter One: Radio: Ohhh Christmas tree! ...ohhh Christmas tree! It was Christmas time at Mama-san's apartment. No, it isn't October during the time of this writing. It's December. December, I tell you! Anyway, the 3x3 Eyes gang all decided to hold a nice Christmas meal, and invited everyone they know. Yakumo, Haan, and Mama-san were the only ones in the apartment, fixing up the house with Christmas decorations. Such is Haan standing on a chair and hanging ornament on the Christmas tree, Yakumo cooking a Christmas meal, and Pai taste testing said meal. Haan (raises one eyebrow): Can you tell me the point in hanging these 'things' on that poor tree again? Fujii. Yakumo (in the kitchen cooking): It's a tradition. Mama-san told me so. Haan (looks at Mama-san's direction): Mama-san, what's the point in -- Mama-san (yells): SHUT UP, SON! Mr. Hazrat falls off the chair he was standing on as the impact from Mama-san's yell smacked him. Oww. Mama-san (grumbles): Can't you see I be watchin' da TV here? Dawg, that girl's fine! Pai (looks at Mama-san): Ehh? Mama-san isn't acting like her usual self...? Mama-san (notices Pai staring at her): What you lookin' at, baby? Yo, you want sum of dis? Pai (quickly turns away): Huh? N-Nothing! Mama-san (mumbles): That's right, son! You ain't havin' me! I be too good for you, aiight?! Haan (gets up from the floor): Urgh.. my head -- Mama-san (yells): SHUT UP, SON!!! Haan reluctantly pipe down and proceeded to the next piece of ornament. He picked up a mistletoe, knowing nothing of what it could be. As the Merchant opened his mouth and ask, the memory of being told to shut up twice instantly registered in his head. Thus, he opted on a wiser decision and silently climbed into the kitchen. Haan (whispers): Fujii! What's this thing? Yakumo (looks at the mistletoe): Eh? Oh, that's a mistletoe. You hang that in the ceiling somewhere, and whomever walks under it must give you a kiss. If they don't, they'll have baaaaad luck! Haan (raises eyebrow):...'tradition' again? Yakumo (nods): Yep. Suddenly, an idea crossed Haan's mind. What if Youko were to be the one to walk under this mistletoe? After all, she should be arriving any second now, and if he hung it by the door minutes just before she arrived... well, that'd be perfect. Without considering the plan any further, Haan quickly charged to the door and stapled the mistletoe on the door hinge. Unfortunately, as he was too busy with his perverted thoughts of Youko, Mr. Hazrat unknowingly used up all the staples and destroyed the mistletoe beyond recognition. And then, the door suddenly flew open, comically smacking poor Haan several feet away and onto the TV that Mama-san loved so much. Mama-san (enraged): ARRRRGHHHH! WHAT YOU DOIN'?! Haan (dizzy): Owww. Pain. Pai (gasps upon seeing the person standing by the door): Huh!? You!? Yakumo climbs out of the kitchen upon hearing all the noise. He wanted to know what had happened. Yakumo: Hey, what's with all the commoti -- WHAT THE..?! Standing by the door was none other than... Mama-san?! Mama-san (offended): What's so surprising about me arriving in my own apartment, idiots? Now wait. If THAT'S Mama-san.. then who's that by the TV!? Yakumo and Pai quickly turned their heads to find that the TV watching "Mama-san" was slowly changing her shape... "Mama-san" (wicked laughter): Bwahahahahaha! Yakumo (glares): Who are you!? And who sent you!? "Mama-san" (more laughter): Bwahaha.. I am.. haha.. shape... haha... shifter! By now, the thing that was imitating Mama-san had changed its shape into... of all things, a small fly! It buzzed away towards the open door as means of escape. Fly (tiny laughter): I be outta here! To Benares-sama! Pai (gasps): It said Benares! Yakumo (runs towards the door): Get it! However, Yakumo forgot about one problem as he ran towards the door... Mama-san was still standing there. And because of that, well, what resulted was Yakumo *accidently* smashing himself onto her when attempting to chase the fly. Fly (laughs): Bwahahahahaha! Too bad, son! I'm off to see the wizard! Err, I mean Dragon! The wonderful Dragon of Oz! 3x3 Eyes gang: ........ Mama-san (glares at Yakumo latching onto her): Why you little... With superhuman strength, Mama-san picked up our favorite Wu and tossed him across the room -- conviently onto Haan that was just staarting to regain consciousness! That had to hurt... Yakumo (dizzy): Ouch. Haan (fazed): Ouch. * * * Elsewhere, a figure was standing on top of a building -- calm yet quite eerie. He worn a big, blue leather jacket with matching jeans. And he had his arms folded. His hair was trimmed neatly, and below it was a big red letter tattooed onto his forehead. If you were psychic, it was quite clear that the words "evil" and "bad" were imprinted all over his aura. Just standing on top of that building made him look like one baaad, cocky dude. And then, a fly buzzed around him. Benares (glares at fly): Annoying pest! You go squish now! With a barehand, Benares smacked the fly away from him, sending it hurling down by his feet. Fly: Benares-sama! It's meeeeee! Benares (raises an eyebrow): Eh!? Shapeshifter! Is that you? Fly (dizzy): Y-yeah... At that moment, the fly reshaped itself into the form of a man. Err... wait, more like a humanoid, really. The shapeshifter had the shapes and size of an average man, but there was one obvious thing that gave away his true identity -- it had no face! Total blankness took place of what should've been facial features. Oh, and uh, the guy had silver skin, too. Benares: So, anything to report? Shapeshifter (high pitched voice with a Ghetto accent): Yo, yo, yo, boss! It appears that Parvati and her friends are havin' sum sort of Christmas dinner, herb! Benares (attempts to figure out what the hell Shapeshifter just said): Umm... Christmas dinner, you said? Shapeshifter: Yeah, son! Christmas dinner! You know? Benares (confused): Hmm... and what is a "Christmas"? Shapeshifter: ........ Shapeshifter (sweatdrops): Uhh... anyway, what should we do, yo? Huh? Benares (rubs chin): Kaiyanwang-sama's body is quickly deteriorating. We have to perform the Humanity Ritual immediately, Shapeshifter. Shapeshifter (shocked): Nah, boss! We ain't yet to find no 3rd Sanjiyan, you hear? Benares: No matter. We can use Parvati's Wu. He's a human being, and the human race is the closest thing next to Sanjiyan Unkara. Shapeshifter didn't like this one bit. For some reason, Benares-sama isn't his usual self. Normally, Benares-sama would never suggest something as vivid and wild like this. Using human beings in the Humanity Ritual..?! What if something goes wrong..?! Benares: Let's go, Shapeshifter. We'll perform the Humanity Ritual TONIGHT! And with that, Benares teleported away. His destination? Mama-san's apartment. Shapeshifter followed his boss, but before he took off, he noticed several metallic containers litered where his boss had stood. "Beer". Hmm... Shapeshifter: Aaaight! Boss be drinkin' behind my back, dawg! * * * END OF CHAPTER 1