~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Sport as Balto

Nuts as himself

L’amore as himself

Bo as guy on bike

 

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

 

Bean Watcher revealed the mystery Munich trade show bear is the UK exclusive William, first to be introduced to Germany and then England. Let me be the first to say, “Ich bin ein fish and chips eater”.

 

William was introduced on Ty.com on Thursday, shown with two different variations: closed book emblem and open book emblem. The variations are different because the closed book version show’s the book’s cover and the open book cover reads the text “Get a life”.

 

Retailers who attended last week’s Atlanta gift show can order the trade show exclusive Bubbly. However, while word has not been given out about Toast, we’re sure Bubbly will be ruined in many bathtubs across the country.

 

Premier the PFC exclusive appears on the cover of Bean Bags and Collectibles Magazine in the UK. And to our colorblind friends watching, Premier is a Pompey clone that is yellow. If you’re colorblind, both of them look the same. Someone had to tell me that, since I’m a dog…

 

Next month squirrels will begin to gather nuts for hibernation, and here now with a discussion on hibernation are health correspondent Balto and this week’s host, Nuts the squirrel.

Nuts: Thank you, Seadog.

Balto: Yes, thank you. This commentary is to help all you squirrels so you don’t get sicky-sicky.

Seadog: Now, Nuts, why are you here to comment alongside Balto?
Nuts: Well, Seadog, I’ve decided this year I’m not going to hibernate. Come on, three months of lying on my butt with my eyes closed? What’s that supposed to do? I mean, I’ll sleep through some annoying garbage like two more seasons of “The Real World”, but I have to sleep all Christmas?
Balto: It’s recommended that squirrels gather their acorns by the beginning of autumn on September 21 so all the good acorns don’t go to waste. It’s also recommended squirrels get ready for bed by December 20 due to weather problems.

Nuts: That’s nuts! I have to gather nuts for my nutsy three-month sleep? I’d rather be a groundhog! At least they get to predict whether we wake up early or not… and I’d purposely make sure I don’t see a shadow!

Balto: Nuts, I love to sleep. I wish I didn’t have to do my job so I can sleep longer, but I have to do what I have to do, and being a health correspondent is what I do best.

Nuts: And what am I good for – sleep?
Balto: Live your life… for nine months a year.

Seadog: Nuts and Balto, everybody!

 

In Ask Ty this week, Ty hinted out there might be another charitable Beanie released this year. How about, “Retire Me” the bear, which goes to help Beanies get retired when they want to.

 

I just bought this Ronnie Beanie Baby today, and I thumbed through the tag – “100% of Ty’s profit will be donated to the Navy League of the United States, Santa Barbara Council, to support those serving our nation throughout the world.” Now, that’s nice, but when I compared it to this other Ronnie Beanie Baby that Frosty showed to me, it had a mustache on it, and the tag read, “100% of Ty’s profit will be donated to NYC hookers to support male curiosity.” Also interesting that the birthdate reads February 666, 2003. Hmm, not very smart, Frosty.

 

Amigo the dog, a Ty Store exclusive, was introduced this week for International Friendship Day. It looks much different from Sarge because this German shepherd actually LOOKS like one. Sarge, please grow up.

 

The Tour de France, a cycling race in France that lasts from July 5 to July 27 this year, has continued on through the week, and here now with an update is our Tour de France commentator, live from France, L’amore. L’amore, how are things down in France?

(show footage of L’amore behind a background resembling the streets of France)
L’amore: I see some bikes! That’s it! I’m not sure who’s on them! Just because I’m a French poodle doesn’t mean I know what the Tour de France is!

Seadog: Do you know the names of the people on the bikes?

L’amore: Good question! Hi, sir, what’s your name?
Guy on bike: Lance Armstrong.

L’amore: Lance Armstrong! The great Lance Armstrong!
Guy on bike: I’m not the one racing! Shut up!

Seadog: L’amore, I can see you had a tough time with Mr. Armstrong.

L’amore: It’s not the Lance Armstrong. According to this newspaper, he’s the race favorite, I guess he’s lying because he’s so popular and he doesn’t want to conduct any interviews until…

Guy on bike: I’m not lying, you stupid dog!
L’amore: Hey, (bleep) you!

Seadog: Um, L’amore, we’re out of time. So, you have any other updates?
L’amore: None at all. From France, this is L’amore.

Seadog: L’amore, everybody!

 

Ronnie takes second place in the Info Beanie polls, where Muddy currently is the top leader. When reached for comment, Ronnie said, “Muddy, you sunk my battleship!”

[open on backstage, Muddy is seen laughing]

 

Memphis woman Angie Moore was busted for selling Beanie Babies but never sending them because she said she either had brain cancer, a leg tumor, or a bite from a poisonous spider. Apparently she was busted when someone realized, “Hey, if she has all these problems, why isn’t she dead yet?”

 

And finally tonight, an update on the Kobe Bryant case: he’s innocent.

 

That’s the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.