~The Red Goat~
Cast: Rusty as Red Goat

L’amore as Furry Eagle

Colosso as Purple Elephant

Frosty as KuKu

Tubbo as Gray Parrot

Sport as Brown Parrot

Pappa as Bald Parrot

 

Announcer: On a farm somewhere far away, a farmer created mutant farm animals by mixing their DNA with that of other animals. He mixed a goat’s with a lobster’s and they changed colors, which was when this goat became… “The Red Goat”. Tonight’s episode: “Parrots of the Caribbean”.

Red Goat: Baa! It’s been a long, long time since Farmer Lewis transformed me from a normal goat to a red goat. It’s such a shame that people think I look like that monster from the Powerpuff Girls.

Furry Eagle: You’re telling me. I was a proud bald eagle, a symbol of patriotism. But that heretic Farmer Lewis gave me a hair transplant to make me look like a furry-headed eagle. Even worse, he sent me to sleep with detergent.

Red Goat: Oh, jeez, every story I hear is detergent.

Furry Eagle: He hates anesthetic. He thinks it’s for losers.

Red Goat: Well, he’s sure talking about himself. Can’t he use detergent to clean, not to mess up?
Purple Elephant: Oh, you got that right. I’m a purple elephant. He used the world’s largest washing machine to clean me up, and he put in too much and it mixed in with my skin. That’s why I’m purple.

Red Goat: I hope… baa! I hope your eyes aren’t burning from that.

Purple Elephant: Oh, I’m fine now. I just wish I’d go back to my gray color.

Red Goat: And I wish I’d be brown.

Furry Eagle: And I wish I was bald. I can’t shave – I’m scared of razors.

KuKu: Oh, you do? Hi, I’m KuKu the Beanie Baby. When I retired, I started my own parrot club. But I made some bad moves and went bankrupt. See how it is when you’re common?
Red Goat: I sure wouldn’t… baa! I sure wouldn’t want to have a curse like those common Beanies.

KuKu: Anyway, Farmer Billy Bob Lewis took over my club and turned my parrots into weird little mutants. My purple parrot looks like an elephant, my hairy parrot went bald, and my red parrot looks like a goat.

Furry Eagle: So if all of us are willing to risk our lives to restore all of our normal selves, then…

Purple Elephant: Let’s go, KuKu.

(Next scene: The Parrot Club)

KuKu: Boys, meet RG, PE, and FE.

Gray Parrot: What’s up, doc?

Brown Parrot: Hear you guys got our colors. Well, we need ‘em back.

Red Goat: Same… baa! Same with us.

Furry Eagle: This is not patriotic! I have hair! I should not have any hair because for an eagle to have hair is terror!
Bald Parrot: Bawk! Not patriotic! Not patriotic! Bawk! I don’t have hair at all! I want! Bawk!

KuKu: Well, I’m not an expert on changing colors, but I think I can buy some color switcher off the Internet. It’s like an elixir which a pair of you six will sip this fluid simultaneously to reverse your colors. It didn’t work for Billy Bob Lewis, but hopefully it will work for us.

Furry Eagle: But I have hair!
Bald Parrot: Bawk! And I have none! Bawk!
KuKu: I’ll shave you, Mr. Eagle, and BP, I’ll get you some Rogaine.

Bald Parrot: Bawk! Rogaine! Rogaine! Helps grow my hair back! Bawk!

KuKu: I hate that bird.

Red Goat: When do you… baa! When do you think the elixir will come?
KuKu: Well, I just placed an order. It should come within a few days.

Red Goat: Because I need to get home to my girlfriend and tell her I want to marry her. Shame that I’m still a red goat.

Purple Elephant: And the circus won’t let me perform because they think I’m gay… you know, with the purple and everything.

KuKu: Okay… well, hopefully after this week you won’t have that problem.

Purple Elephant: That’s wonderful.

Red Goat: It’s funny, you know, how easier it is to do this kind of thing now. It was so hard to get me to turn into…

KuKu: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very nice. Did you know that you can download video files on Kazaa? I didn’t know that until last week.

Red Goat: I see. I think the Internet is evil.

(Four days later…)
Red Goat: Baa! Today may be the last day I live as a red goat. If this elixir does anything, I will be happy. Furry Eagle, like your new haircut?
Furry Eagle: I’m so proud to be patriotic. I looked like an anti-American hippie with all that hair.

Red Goat: Fly away, you free… you free… thing!
Bald Parrot: Bawk! Polly’s growing hair! Polly’s growing hair! Now give me a cracker!

KuKu: I told you, no crackers until your breakfast!

Bald Parrot: Bawk! Breakfast, breakfast! I hate it!
Purple Elephant: I’m ready when you are, KuKu.

KuKu: Okay, PE, sit at that table with GP. RG, sit with BP.

Brown Parrot: Are we actually supposed to understand you?
KuKu: No. Just learn your initials by heart.

Brown Parrot: You confuse the heck out of me.

KuKu: Are you ready?

Purple Elephant: Ready.

Gray Parrot: Me too.

(Purple Elephant and Gray Parrot sip on the elixir, and within seconds, they switch colors)

KuKu: Oh my god, that thing worked! I’m a genius!
Red Goat: Not… baa! Not yet. You still have to reverse me.

Brown Parrot: Don’t forget me, brudda.

KuKu: Yes. Just take a sip.

(Red Goat and Brown Parrot sip liquid but remain the same)
Red Goat: Huh? Why hasn’t anything happened?
KuKu: I – I don’t know. The elixirs should have been the same… wait a minute, this is Pepsi! The guy sent us one color-switching elixir and a Pepsi! He didn’t give us two elixirs – he just put in a Pepsi to replace the second elixir!
Gray Parrot: Maybe they sold out.

Red Goat: I am outraged!