~Boring Political Talk~
Cast: Smartest as Boring Political

Decade as Ty Warner

Seadog as himself

Rusty as True

Pappa as retailer

 

Boring Political: Welcome to “Boring Political Talk”. I’m Boring Political. Please don’t laugh because that is my real name. I was rated the most boringest person on the face of the earth. I was also the most politicalest. Um, the director is telling me that boringest and politicalest are not real words, so I’m sorry, geniuses, I am not as smart as you are. Change the channel if you want quality news and interviews. Speaking of interviews, here’s one with the greatest toymaker ever – that’s an opinion, not a fact. If you want facts, go to CNN. Anyway, the greatest toymaker ever, Ty Warner.

Ty: Thank you, Mr. Political.

Boring Political: Have you thought about a lot of the Beanies you released at Dallas?
Ty: Oh, no. I didn’t think much about them. I just want to throw my money out the window like I’m a moron. I’ve entertained children enough. Now I think I’ll go live in an old folks’ home with Walter Cronkite and Marcia from “The Brady Bunch”.

Boring Political: Are you sure they even live in old folks’ homes?
Ty: Hey, if not, then I’ll move to Dollywood. I don’t know who Dolly Parton is, but I heard people like me enjoy going there.

Boring Political: One question that has been on my mind besides that, after introducing the True Beanie Baby, are you confident things have finally settled down with Canada?
Ty: Hey, who doesn’t like Canada? They end, we send them our Beanies. If things don’t settle with Canada I’ll make an exclusive line-up of Beanies for Canada. I originally intended on Seadog to be a Newfoundland exclusive.

Seadog: Mr. Ty, Mr. Political, thanks for saying that about me, since I really hate being an American shelf-sitter. Now, since you’re news type of guys, can you give me a little help with tonight’s “Update”?
Ty: You’ve asked me that so much tonight I feel like leaving you by yourself in the desert.

Boring Political: Talk to me on my cell phone, okay?
Seadog: No problem.

Boring Political: Anyway, was it your decision to make a Canadian exclusive to prove to Canadians they’re not excluded?
Ty: Yes. I always make exclusive bears so people won’t feel left out. Everybody loves exclusives.

Boring Political: Well, we have a special surprise visit for you from the new Canada exclusive, ladies and gentlemen, True!
(Rusty comes out dressed up as True to the sound of loud applause)

True: Thank you! I wish every day was Canada Day! The Ty heart is on my maple leaf! Love me! I shouldn’t have a bushy tail!
Boring Political: Well, I guess that settles all the boring matters about Canada. Now they can finally enjoy their Beanies.

Ty: Yes. As a matter of fact, when True ships out, I’m going up to Canada so I can buy one, because I hunt all over like all the other Canadian collectors. I wrote that on the Internet.

True: Are you sure you’re going to get me, Ty? Are you sure you’ll find me like everyone else?

(open on fantasy sequence)

Retailer: Hi, eh? What Beanie would you like, eh?
Ty: One True, please.

Retailer: Sorry, we don’t sell Beanies anymore. This is Canada.

Ty: NOOOOOO!
Retailer: Just kidding! That’s because, LIVE FROM THE BEANIE ZOO, IT’S BEANIEDAY NIGHT!