~The Library~
Cast: Color Me Bunny as librarian

Mother as Bella

Decade as John

Carnation as Laura

Frisco as Laura’s mother

Dublin as Harry Potter

Smitten as woman

Eggs III as Jen

 

Librarian: Welcome to the Beanie Library. How may I help you?
Bella: Hi. You may remember me, Bella Schwartz. I come here every day.

Librarian: Okay, Ms. Schwartz, what do you need?
Bella: I just came to pick up a few items I had on hold.

Librarian: Okay, here are your 12 books.

Bella: Wow, they came all at once. I doubt I’ll read them all by the due date.

Librarian: Well, you can always renew them. Thank you.

Bella: (sits down someplace to read) Okay… “Once upon a time…” I’m done. Now, let’s read the next… “It was a dark and stormy night…” I’m done. Man, that was a good book. I’ll go and return this.

Librarian: John, I’m sorry, but it won’t come in until Tuesday.

John: Well, I could always go to Barnes and Noble to get it.

Librarian: Sure, ruin business.

John: But you let us borrow books.

Librarian: Just make us lose the competition.

John: What competition? Ugh…

Bella: Some nerve. Um, I just finished reading these two books. I just wanted…

Librarian: Read? You nearly stared at those pages! You read the opening lines and that’s it! Did you not like them?
Bella: Maybe.

Librarian: Whatever. Just hand them to me.

Bella: Okay. (sits back down where she was to read) Okay, “AOL For Dummies.” “You want to know how to create a screen name?” I’m done. That’s the best book I’ve read in my life. Next, this cookbook… “You will need this to make potato salad…” I’m done. That’s the best one I’ve read since January. And a biography on Jerry Seinfeld… “What is the deal with biographies?” That stunk. Okay, I’m ready to return these.

Librarian: I’m sorry, Laura, but you’ll have to wait until September until we get “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoeniz”.

Laura: But I want it now!
Librarian: Oh, please. Take out one of the other Potter books. I bet you can’t stop reading them…

Laura: They’re old! I want new books!
Librarian: But…

Laura’s mother: Laura, how many times have I told you to let the librarian do his job? Kids.

Librarian: They’re a handful, but I can get along with them.

Laura: Please… get me that book! I love Harry Potter! I want to marry Harry Potter!
Harry Potter: Oh, me, of course?
Laura: Eew! You’re ugly!
Harry Potter: That wasn’t very nice.

Laura’s mother: Let’s go, sweetheart.

Bella: Hi again. I’m here to return these books…

Librarian: Oh… jeez, you didn’t read the books! Once again, you just scanned through the books and read the first line and…

Bella: I know. Good books.

Librarian: I’ll say. Real, real good. Well, why don’t you go “finish” the rest of your books?
Bella: I think I’ll go do that.

Librarian: Good. I bet you’ll be returning them to me in ten minutes.

Bella: Maybe I will. (sits back down to read) Hmm, this should help me lose a little weight, the Atkins’ Diet. “The first step to losing weight is…” I’m done. That really helped me. I think I’m losing weight right now. What do you think, miss?
Woman: You should actually read the book if you want to lose weight.

Bella: But I did.

Woman: No you didn’t. You just…

Bella: I know. I just scanned through it. I READ IT, WOMAN! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND I’M THE FASTEST READER IN THE WORLD?

Woman: Prove it… read who it is in this Guinness Book of World Records.

Bella: “World’s Fastest Reader…” I’m done.

Woman: You didn’t even finish reading it! The world’s fastest reader is…

Bella: I know, I know. I.M. Dunn.

Woman: Oh, you were right.

Librarian: Sorry, Jen, but once again, your book has been stolen by a criminal.

Jen: Oh, dear. I guess I should stop putting so many books on reserve.

Librarian: You should see that woman who only reads the first line and then comes here to return it.

Jen: She really does that?
Librarian: Oh, yeah. Never seen anything like it… back again?
Bella: Yep. I want to return these books.

Librarian: How much did you read?
Bella: 2 pages.

Librarian: 2 pages? I’m shocked! Normally you read like a quarter of a page, and you read 2? Congratulations! Now go on to 3!
Bella: I have nothing else on hold. But when I go home, I’ll probably put like 35 books on hold, get them all at the same time and I can try to go for a record. Maybe I’ll try to even read the whole book.

Librarian: Good luck.

Jen: Weirdo.

Librarian: I know. One time, she…