~Color Me Beanie Gallery~

Cast: Frisco as Jacques M.

Dublin as Frog Hunter

Decade as The French Decade

Smitten as Parisian Beauty

Mother as Mrs. Beauty

Color Me Bunny as Starry Night

Dippy as Woodstock

 

Jacques M.: Welcome to the Color Me Beanie Gallery. I see you have come to view me little treasures. Well, as a cat of exquisite taste, I have only Beanies designed by professional artists and not by no snotty children. I love the Picasso, the Matisse, and I especially love, the Da Vinci. But most of all, the Beanie Baby is the best work of art. When you consider a Beanie like Scurry that you just wanna throw in the garbage, us French people love the frog Beanies the best. So first in the gallery is a beautiful piece I painted called “The Frog Hunter”. Would you like to describe yourself, monsieur?
Frog Hunter: I am a frog hunter. I hunt frogs so I can lick them.

Jacques M.: Gotta love the frogs.

Frog Hunter: What I don’t like about frogs is that teenagers dissect them in science classes. I want it to be illegal in France for any child to dissect a frog or for any teacher to instruct it. It’s as vile as war on the Chubbley Bears.

Jacques M.: I used oil to paint this bear, which explains the numerous pimples on the face, back, and tush.

Frog Hunter: How many Stridex pads are left?
Jacques M.: Four. Take them all. Now, let’s move on. Here is a piece, which I like to call “The French Decade.” It’s striped like the French flag.

The French Decade: Bonjour, for I am your Decade bear. I am in two different colors. My next will probably be red because we need to complete the French flag colors. And also, I will not back the Beanie Babies on a war against the Chubbley Bears.

Jacques M.: I see. Well, why?
The French Decade: I don’t know. Can you please make me some French toast with crepes and the finest French wine you have?
Jacques M.: The only wine I have is made from tears of whiners.

The French Decade: Oh, I heard of that – Whine Wine. I like that. I’ll take a glass.

Jacques M.: No problem. I love it, too. Because I come from France, home of the city of love, Paris. Speaking of Paris, let’s move on to our next piece in the gallery, this lovely lady I like to call Parisian Beauty. When we decided not to back the Beanies up on a war against Chubbleys she started a boycott against the movie “American Beauty” and held burnings of the videos and DVD’s. I mean, what French person would want a movie with a belly button on the cover? And that Mena Suvari – she’s American! She’s in “American Pie”, “American Virgin”, and also “American Beauty”, and yet she’s seen with roses coming out of her skirt? Roses are a symbol of French beauty! Parisian Beauty!
Parisian Beauty: I agree with you, Monsieur Sexy.

Jacques M.: Thank you, miss. A lovely woman. I’m glad I painted her. Anyway, I had to paint her a mother to tell me what not to do to her, so here is her legal guardian, Mrs. Beauty.

Mrs. Beauty: I don’t want you taking her to any place where they serve wine with anti-freeze in it, or a fish and chips restaurant, and for God’s sake, please don’t take her to the car dealership!
Jacques M.: That’s okay with me, beautiful. Au revoir.

Mrs. Beauty: Yes, you too.

Parisian Beauty: Au revoir, handsome.

Jacques M.: Thanks again. Next in the gallery, I painted two Color Me Bunny Beanie Babies that I had gotten for $20 each in the UK. I paid so much because I am a rich snob who wants to be richer with art. I must have my canvas, and my Color Me Beanies and Bunnies are so. And here is the first one I created, Starry Night. I just imprinted the famous Van Gogh painting on this one.

Starry Night: Since when did you like Van Gogh? Every time someone said his name you always said he was a snooty patootie.

Jacques M.: No, that’s Rosie O’Donnell.

Starry Night: Rosie O’Donnell call people CUTIE patooties, Jacques.

Jacques M.: Oh… then it was that other one, um, Regis.

Starry Night: I don’t know, but I don’t like his new co-host, Kelly Ripa, because she’s American. The other one, uh, Kathie Lee Gifford, was born in France. You know that?
Jacques M.: Really? I should let her come visit sometime. I’m sure she’d like to take a look at these wonderful little pieces of art.

Starry Night: I wouldn’t count on that.

Jacques M.: You may be right. And our final piece for tonight, this one is ty-dyed - Woodstock, to commemorate the music festival of the same name. Plus I added a beak and toupee to make it look like Woodstock from the Peanuts comic strips.

Woodstock: My best friend is a dog who likes to dance!
Jacques M.: I didn’t know that. And why?
Woodstock: He wants to eat me if I don’t dress up like a bird!
Jacques M.: Wow. Well, that’s all the time we have tonight. Au revoir, and hopefully we’ll have some more designs to show you in the Color Me Beanie Gallery. So long for now.